I don't want to be tracked by my husband's ex-wife

[gotellitonthemountain]

My stepdaughter has just got her first phone. Her mum has put a tracking app on it, which my husband also has access to.

I just don't feel comfortable thinking of SDD's mum following our every move on the days she is with us.

AIBU?

YABU

I have all three of my kids on findmy iPhone thing. Mostly so I can find the damn phones when they leave them in ridiculous places.

we use the life360 app as a family so that we know where one of my children, who is type 1 diabetic, is. I didn't like the idea of tracking but when he one day was reading as hypo and not picking up his phone, I suddenly saw the benefit of it and we've been on it ever since. It has it's uses.

Is there a reason you assume the ex will be sat glued to the app when her daughter is with her father?

I’m firmly with the OP. Is this really about the child’s safety? Surely the child is safe with dad? This is probably a comfort layer for mum. Youngsters are so accustomed to being watched all the time. I think it is really unhealthy.

I am firmly anti tracking and I think most of the reasons given are hugely disingenuous. But if he mother wants to track her that's up to her

I wouldn’t be too impressed about it either. I don’t want people knowing my every move. She’s With her dad so there is no need for the app to be on when she is with her family.

i have a friend who is on that life 360 app with her 17yr old daughter and I hate that when we go out for the night for dinner her dd can check and see where we are. She’s messaged before and said oh I see you’re not in the restaurant but in the pub, it totally puts me off going out with her with our every move being tracked.

When she is with you and her dad she can turn it off. If she is going out without you then she can turn it on. It is that simple.

Yanbu and you can turn off the tracking when she arrives at yours. I'd have hated this

Tracking doesn't keep them safe . All it does is telling you where their phone is

I’d argue that it’s a decision that should be made between mum, dad and the child.

mine have “tracking” in the form of findmyiphone. They have to consent though, and can turn it off at any point.

the older one has it because they cba texting or calling to let me know they’ll be late home, or are going out or whatever. Youngest has it because he’s always putting his phone down and forgetting where. I share so they can see if I’m stuck in traffic or whatever.

if they withdraw consent it’s then their responsibility to use iCloud to find their phones as only they can see a location.

o/p see if you can turn it off while they’re with you.

That is true @Rainrainrainrainrainrainrain however when it means I can see my 16 year old walking through a dodgy area when he should have been getting a taxi home, allows me to go and pick him up!

MY DCs also track me too, especially when they're after a lift!

Obviously. But I fail to see how a tracking device can keep anyone safe. All it does is show where a person is - as long as they have their phone with them!

I used one for DC phone

Never occurred to me to check it when DC was with someone else

Like it was worth checking when 5 mins late home etc but certainly never sat there watching a dot while I was thinking someone else was responsible

Are boundaries often overstepped for you to assume the mum would be keeping tabs on you??

DS has LD and is autistic, we have eachother on find my phone for two reasons. First so that when I’m coming to get him he knows how far away I am and doesn’t worry, second is that if he gets lost I can find / direct him as needed. One day he took a ‘short cut’ through the woods 🙄 If he hadn’t had find my iPhone he’d have been stuffed

Would you object to your stepdaughter telling her mother where she has been and what she has done while with you? It's no different from that.

Why not? Where are you going?

When your SD has Snapchat her mum and a hundred other people will know where you are anyway. It's weirdly life now.

Yanbu. I think tracking apps are invasive.

A parent tracking a child is not invasive it’s common sense.

Where exactly are you going?

if you are just going about your business, how can it affect you?!

Is the mum okay with your husband tracking her through the daughter?

how would the mum know of you are there or not - what age is the daughter and is she with you exclusively the whole time she is with her dad?

if both mum and dad fee uncomfortable could they agree that only one parent tracks the phone at a time? It’s a bit of a faff - and I would recommend it if it’s only you who has the problem?

Is her mum tracking her all the time or is the app on the phone for locating your step daughter in an emergency (or her phone if she loses it)? We have Life360 on my daughter's phone but we don't open the app to see where she is unless we need to, we certainly don't track her movements with it.

Your husband can most likely turn off the app from tracking when your step daughter is with you, just turn it back on when she goes back to mum.

I agree and I disagree @YaMuvva . Children today are growing up knowing their are being tracked. Parents convincing themselves that they have to track their kids to "keep them safe" or "it's the right thing". Based on what? I find it creepy and weird. My parents cared about me before the ability to track was there. Children are becoming young adults defaulting their safety to parents who are tracking them. We aren't equipping them in the same way as we should. I'm really concerned about the tracking mentality. And that doesn't make me less of a good parent.

What danger will befall this step daughter that her dad and step mum will also succumb to, but her mum will be somehow be aware of and also able to remotely resolve?

That can be turned off so you can’t be tracked