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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
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Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:02

Magnastorm · 05/04/2024 15:00

Even if it was - so what?

OP didn't do it on purpose, and she was being quiet and discrete about it. She wasn't off her tits and trying to shag the best man, she just - gasp - put her head on the table because she was feeling a bit faint.

It's fucking ridiculous to be labelling that as embarrasing or mortifying.

Oh come off it - your partner laying their head on the table is totally embarrassing and mortifying! Especially as the whole room is quiet, paying attention to the speeches.

Can you imagine a women on here saying that's what their DH did? In front of her friends?

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 15:02

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:02

Oh come off it - your partner laying their head on the table is totally embarrassing and mortifying! Especially as the whole room is quiet, paying attention to the speeches.

Can you imagine a women on here saying that's what their DH did? In front of her friends?

No it isn't

Magnastorm · 05/04/2024 15:04

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:02

Oh come off it - your partner laying their head on the table is totally embarrassing and mortifying! Especially as the whole room is quiet, paying attention to the speeches.

Can you imagine a women on here saying that's what their DH did? In front of her friends?

Someone getting pissed and making a pass at the best man/ bridesmaids or throwing up in the middle of the danceflow is motifying.

Mildly overdoing it at a wedding and feeling a bit light headed is not, at all.

User356432 · 05/04/2024 15:05

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:00

Wait a minute. Bit of a drip feed.

Did you have any wine with your meal?

Good point. I've never heard of a wedding menu not offering wine with the starter and mains. The Prosecco was probably accompaniment for the cake.

Maybe OP refused wine because she was already feeling ill but it would be odd why she could eat two courses.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/04/2024 15:05

Your title is totally misleading. Your husband wasn't upset that you were ill. He was mortified that you had your head on the table like a toddler. He's probably assuming that the other guests thought you were wasted, and he'd be right.

Superscientist · 05/04/2024 15:05

I used to waitress a lot of weddings and fainting during speeches was really common. Lots of standing around little food even for those not drinking alcohol made people feel funny
Those that caused the least disruption to the day were those that stayed put rather than standing up and taking out the table.

I was once waitressing when a gentleman fainted came too and then threw up on to his dinner table. Were the guests at the table were embarrassed? No they were concerned.

The lack of compassion in people is ridiculous. I fainted on a daily basis through my a levels and frequently spent lesson with my head on the desk trying not to faint and trying to stay part of the lesson. There are many more dramatic ways to react in such situations. I think you did ok and your partner needs a lesson in compassion

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:05

Screamingabdabz · 05/04/2024 11:31

I would’ve been embarrassed by this too. Not saying it’s your fault, or that your DH was reasonable. He was a dick and it’s indefensible. But yes, in front of friends on a wedding day I would be irrationally annoyed to be saddled with a fainter who couldn’t handle a couple of prossecos.

Well don't you sound nice.

'couldn't handle'; this is that peculiarly boorish British attitude to drinking that I especially loathe.

Princesspollyyy · 05/04/2024 15:07

Aquamarine1029 · 05/04/2024 15:05

Your title is totally misleading. Your husband wasn't upset that you were ill. He was mortified that you had your head on the table like a toddler. He's probably assuming that the other guests thought you were wasted, and he'd be right.

^^ this.

IMO the best reply here.

tearsintherain · 05/04/2024 15:08

Aquamarine1029 · 05/04/2024 15:05

Your title is totally misleading. Your husband wasn't upset that you were ill. He was mortified that you had your head on the table like a toddler. He's probably assuming that the other guests thought you were wasted, and he'd be right.

What do you do when you feel dizzy?

I suffer with frequent dizzy spells due to a health condition, and I know how unpleasant it feels.
OP was probably scared to stand for fear of crashing to the ground.
Sometimes it just helps to put your head in your hands until the feeling passes.

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:09

User356432 · 05/04/2024 14:39

Yes it is very awkward for someone to put their head on the table during speeches. Imagine it was your wedding and someone is giving a heartfelt speech and one of the guests was visibly unwell with their head on the table, and drawing looks and whispers around the room. I would have been raging if DH did the same thing at a wedding after claiming not to be drunk. I would also not have been pleased at all if that happened at my wedding.

It probably boils down to the fact that an adult should know when they feel unwell and be able to excuse themselves from the room in time without disrupting the overall mood or drawing attention to themselves. It wasn't a life-threatening issue or a seizure so the DH was within his right to be a bit embarrassed. By all means it sounded like a sudden blood pressure drop due to blood sugar and/or alcohol.

An adult should also be able to regulate their alcohol intake to avoid feeling unwell at crucial moments. "Several" glasses of prosecco on an empty stomach sounds pretty intense. Even it was within your tolerance in the past, it's clearly borderline risky behaviour.

Who says she was 'drawing looks and whispers'?

I sometimes feel like half of MN lives in a parallel world where Edith Wharton/Jane Austen rules apply and everyone constantly has a beady eye on everyone else and takes great pleasure in noting every made-up 'faux pas'. Do you people have such dull little lives that this is how you get your kicks?

And she didn't have 'several', she had two.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 05/04/2024 15:11

sorry, I'm with your husband on this one. it's not the way to behave at a wedding.

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:13

User356432 · 05/04/2024 15:05

Good point. I've never heard of a wedding menu not offering wine with the starter and mains. The Prosecco was probably accompaniment for the cake.

Maybe OP refused wine because she was already feeling ill but it would be odd why she could eat two courses.

She says she had the Prosecco on an empty stomach. So before the meal.

OP, did you drink during the meal?

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:13

tearsintherain · 05/04/2024 15:08

What do you do when you feel dizzy?

I suffer with frequent dizzy spells due to a health condition, and I know how unpleasant it feels.
OP was probably scared to stand for fear of crashing to the ground.
Sometimes it just helps to put your head in your hands until the feeling passes.

She didn't though. She put her head on the table.

StarlightLime · 05/04/2024 15:14

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:13

She didn't though. She put her head on the table.

Like a toddler.

Wornoutlady · 05/04/2024 15:14

I have to say, I've probably done similar. You felt unwell because you drank booze on an empty stomach, not because you were coming down with something or recovering from something like an actual illness/virus etc. Putting your head on the table probably looked a bit rude and would have embarrassed a lot of people, as its not really "wedding decorum", except at the end of course, when everyone is too pissed to care.

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:14

StarlightLime · 05/04/2024 15:14

Like a toddler.

In the middle of the wedding speeches. Mortifying.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 15:15

StarlightLime · 05/04/2024 15:14

Like a toddler.

Or like someone who felt like she was going to faint. Jesus christ.

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:17

StarlightLime · 05/04/2024 15:14

Like a toddler.

Why are people repeating this?
And why are you grilling the OP on exactly how much she drank?

I can't imagine anyone I know (or at least anyone I know/like/who I have any respect for), IF (big if) they spotted someone laying their head on the table at a wedding, thinking they looked like a toddler/being mortally offended/demanding to know how many units of what they'd had to drink.
If I anyone in my world even noticed, our only reaction would be along the lines of thinking 'I'll go and see if she's OK in a bit.'

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:17

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:14

In the middle of the wedding speeches. Mortifying.

Get a life, seriously.

Oriunda · 05/04/2024 15:18

pootlin · 05/04/2024 11:37

Exactly.

It seems people just expect women to bear illness and pain to the point of putting everyone else's feelings ahead of their own.

She wasn’t ill. She’d had too much to drink on an empty stomach. Big difference.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/04/2024 15:18

No chance you could be pregnant? I was very like this in the first few weeks of pregnancy...

Your dh was not helpful though.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 15:18

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:17

Why are people repeating this?
And why are you grilling the OP on exactly how much she drank?

I can't imagine anyone I know (or at least anyone I know/like/who I have any respect for), IF (big if) they spotted someone laying their head on the table at a wedding, thinking they looked like a toddler/being mortally offended/demanding to know how many units of what they'd had to drink.
If I anyone in my world even noticed, our only reaction would be along the lines of thinking 'I'll go and see if she's OK in a bit.'

Exactly.

When it's happened to me I've been asked if I'm OK. If I need anything, wafted with a menu.

Mumsnet land = gasps, pearl clutching, judemental madness.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 15:20

Oriunda · 05/04/2024 15:18

She wasn’t ill. She’d had too much to drink on an empty stomach. Big difference.

Her stomach wasn't empty when she felt ill! Even bigger difference.

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:21

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:17

Get a life, seriously.

I've got one, seriously.

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:22

Lol, it's all kicking off.

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