Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

[OneBrightCrow]

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

yeah it must’ve looked a bit childish lol I’d have been embarrassed! And annoyed.

I think the OP has long gone

It sounds like you had symptoms from a combination of stress, no sleep and little water. I don't think what you experienced was anything to do with the prosecco.

And then his reaction to you later in the day hints that it probably was a stressful build up of his expectations of you making a good impression.

The head on the table is weird but I do get it, sometimes the fear of puking or passing out in front of 100 people is very real!

Hold on a minute is that true? I've always been taught a couple is 2, a few is 3, and after that is several

I have no doubt whatsoever that the OP had those two glasses of Prosecco on an empty stomach, then drank wine with her meal.

Even if OP wasn't drunk, she would have looked absolutely slaughtered to anyone watching

Surely this would have been mentioned in the original post, or it would be the mother of all drip feeds 😂

I was about to post the same, I'd be really pissed off if my dh did that.

Think people just get stressed by these occasions- trying to keep up appearances. You were arguing with him when you had your head down, he should have let you be and just explained to people. I don’t agree he was being a dick, you were probably both arguing at each other, also I wouldn’t take it that he was attacking you, you said you were disappointed in him, of course he’d argue back! (Well I would anyway!)

You're right, but lots of people say a "couple" when they actually just mean a few, not literally two.
Op hasn't explicitly said two.

Well you would have looked pissed by putting your head on the table. How embarrassing for you both.

Possibly he felt that you were over egging the illness to try to sabotage the day for him? I don't think you were - it was just unfortunate timing. He should have accepted your assurances, left you alone and gone off and enjoyed the party.

Is there any chance you had a panic attack because you started to feel unwell at a time you didn't feel you could just get up and leave? That happened to me during a wedding service whilst being a bridesmaid- suddenly felt a bit unwell but not quite sure what to do to cause the least fuss and then had a panic attack. It was a horrible feeling. Sounds like DP was much more concerned about how things looked to others than your health- not quite sure how you resolve other than watch out for those kind of behaviours as a red flag.

As an East Asian, I cannot hold my drink. I just don't have the right enzyme for it. I would be very ill if I drank half a glass of Prosecco on an empty stomach, especially if I drank it quickly.

Please don't assume because you can knock back half a bottle without blinking that a tiny amount of alcohol won't adversely affect someone else. Different people have different tolerances. Genetically, it is entirely possible for someone to be a 'light-weight'. We're not doing it to judge you. We literally can't handle much alcohol and we'll never be able to. It's how we were born.

I suffered from dizzy spells when I had blood pressure issues. When they happened, I couldn't move for safety. If I was sitting down, putting my head on the table was easiest. If I had space and could easily and quickly get to the floor, lying down was even better. The one time I tried to discreetly leave, I passed out altogether whilst trying to stealthily sneak out. I'm told I did not collapse in a particularly flattering or discreet way.

I feel like a lot of people are judging the OP unkindly without considering she might be sharing her experience honestly, and what she did was the best she could manage in the circumstances. When you're light-headed, it can come on so quickly that you have very limited options open to you.

I feel quite sad for the OP that not only was her DH a jerk that so many people on this thread have been so unkind to her too! No one is dizzy to spite anyone!

Yeh, to be fair, if my husband drank too much on an empty stomach and put his head on the table during speeches as a result, I'd have been embarrassed.

@ParsonsPont I don't think she did embarrass anyone. She felt unwell. The husband was the one making a big deal out of it.

She surely should know not to drink at all then!

He went to a wedding to enjoy himself celebrate and catch up with people then ended up nursing you. Money spent, outfits and travel. People who start disintegrating on special occasions are beyond irritating

Posters on both sides are completely overreacting.

The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Yes, it's possible OP was genuinely sick, but odds are she was just a bit drunk. I don't think OP would have mentioned the Prosecco in two of her posts if she didn't know deep down it was relevant. Drunk people are always saying "I only had a couple." The posts about ableism, and how the OP's husband should have been worried about her well-being, are a bit melodramatic - as I say, she'd probably simply had a bit too much to drink.

On the other hand, the posts about how mortifying it is that the OP distracted everyone during the speeches and so on are melodramatic as well. A wedding guest got a bit drunk and face-planted into the table. It's embarrassing, but it happens. People need to let go of this idea that a wedding day is ruined if everything goes exactly to plan. It's just a party; the marriage is the important part.

Christ. You sound like a ray of sunshine.

I didn't think I was that lucky with dp. Just thought people knew how to treat people. This thread has been eye opening

I can see both sides tbh. I had a period in my life of insane work stress and frequently suffered panic attacks that made me feel clammy/faint/sick/etc. It's not the same as this situation, but I've been in restaurants and so on when it's happened, and it was crap.

Your DP probably was conscious of you appearing pissed (even if you weren't) and acting in a way that could be misconstrued and felt embarrassed about it. HIs friends were there, it was an important moment at a meaningful event and he was possibly seeing this fun, enjoyable event evaporating for him. His reaction could have been better, but we all fail to be our best selves sometimes.

This and see username

Hilarious yes. Well done.

definitely noted. Although it may have been self inflicted in the sense that I should’ve eaten more prior to the wedding, I don’t think it’s quite the same as being paralytic.

although I’m not a heavy drinker, I certainly don’t usually respond this way to alcohol. I had a similar episode without alcohol when out for dinner with work friends, but they were v compassionate so perhaps I’m comparing and expecting similar from my husband.

for the record, we had to pull over on the Taxi drive home for my husband to vomit on the side of the road (and his shoes/suit trousers) but I didn’t make him feel bad for this.

Nailed it.