Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

[OneBrightCrow]

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

It's too late now OP, you did what you thought was best in the moment.

Lots of people have commented on my post saying that putting her head on the table was odd that OP was ill and stealthily moving away could have resulted in further drama. But, at least in my head, I have a picture of everyone dressed to the nines and OP face planting the table with all the crockery and glasses surrounding her. At least pushing her chair back and head between your knees as recommended would look like you were ill - which you were, opposed to well I'm not quite sure. I do wonder if you got caught in the background of any of the photos though.

I would have been embarrassed and annoyed, you are an adult you know not to drink on a empty stomach or to go a long time without food especially at a wedding or similar. But you know now and I suspect wouldn't d it again.

So would I! And then really annoyed because basically, OP wasn’t “unwell” but pissed. In front of all his Uni friends! 😱

Yep. Mortifying.

And somehow the OP was the only person in the room to be affected by the "long day" and "lack of food"...

I would have been mortified if my DH had behaved like that in front of my friends. During a wedding. In the speeches.

I would have been really annoyed I'd this was my DP. Its their wedding day speeches - something that cannot be repeated (well, not to each other anyway) and you're drunk with your head on the table.

I would have been completely mortified. I bet the people at your table were put out having you as a distraction and hoping that you wouldn't throw up at the table.

Fucking hell, imagine caring more about appearances in front of your friends than your partner's wellbeing. Putting your head down for a bit if you don't feel well is, in any sane universe, fine. People would be able to see you aren't doing it for the fun of it.

I mean if I'd been sat on your table I'd still be finding it amusing that you were wasted at that point, but I'm not your partner and I can understand why he was embarrassed.
Personally I'd forget about it now apart from the lesson of making sure you at least snack before drinking, rookie error right there.

Tbh, I think your post title should be DP embarrassed when I got drunk and was unwell at a wedding.

Well yes, this.

As for those claiming no-one could get drunk on two Proseccos on an empty stomach - my late mother was 4 feet 10 and under 7 stone in weight. Not only she have been DRUNK on two Proseccos on an empty stomach, she'd probably be ASLEEP with her head on the the table. But she knew that about herself so drank in extreme moderation.

In answer to OP, if a partner put his head on the table during the wedding speeches at my good pal's wedding, I'd be alarmed because:

1. I'd think they were either madly drunk

or

2. really very ill (like, ambulance needed ill).

But at least you know for next time how Prosecco affects you on an empty stomach.

OP. I don’t think you should judge your DH on this. Weddings of mates from a different time in your life are always a bit weird. Instant regression. He was poss feeling mildly anxious. I can see how he might have felt embarrassed and acted out a bit. I would just let that go and not overthink it. You say you thought he might apologise once sober - but did you? I don’t think what you did was terrible at all - but I would have started off with an
apology to him as he was clearly upset. Based on the number of people on here being so mortified at the thought of a head on a table - you must have all been to some pretty dull weddings 😆

I'd understand some of the criticism levelled at OP if she was steaming pissed. But she had 2 proseccos. Calling someone embarrassing for falling temporarily unwell is really harsh.
It doesn't sound like it was a high drama situation, but husband kept on turning it into a row. Saying that 'you must present well as a couple' sounds so superficial it makes me feel pretty grossed out. Did he want her to stand there grinning then suddenly vomit over the bride and her mother?!

You weren’t “ill” you reacted badly to drinking on an empty stomach, I’d be mortified on your shoes and pissed off in your DHs

Tbh, I think your post title should be DP embarrassed when I got drunk and was unwell at a wedding

This. Come on OP- you were drunk. Which yes, is pretty embarrassing for other people you're with.

Also the "I only had two" is an often used phrase used by people who are drunk. Its usage has become so common that the phrase itself has become a red flag to actually mean "way more than two" in real life.

Yes it is very awkward for someone to put their head on the table during speeches. Imagine it was your wedding and someone is giving a heartfelt speech and one of the guests was visibly unwell with their head on the table, and drawing looks and whispers around the room. I would have been raging if DH did the same thing at a wedding after claiming not to be drunk. I would also not have been pleased at all if that happened at my wedding.

It probably boils down to the fact that an adult should know when they feel unwell and be able to excuse themselves from the room in time without disrupting the overall mood or drawing attention to themselves. It wasn't a life-threatening issue or a seizure so the DH was within his right to be a bit embarrassed. By all means it sounded like a sudden blood pressure drop due to blood sugar and/or alcohol.

An adult should also be able to regulate their alcohol intake to avoid feeling unwell at crucial moments. "Several" glasses of prosecco on an empty stomach sounds pretty intense. Even it was within your tolerance in the past, it's clearly borderline risky behaviour.

.

It doesn't matter. She sat there with her head on the bloody table instead of dealing with it discreetly elsewhere. That's the embarrassing bit.

Op is not disabled. She was pissed.
HTH.

This.

And all the posters here going to great length to explain that OP was simply unwell, and her husband is an arse for not being caring.

She made herself sick by drinking on an empty stomach. It was entirely self inflicted and of course her husband would have been embarrassed.

It doesn't seem helpful @WalkingonWheels to trot out accusations of ableism in defence of someone with an acute bout of something unspecified. OP has not said she has a disability. I'm not saying she didn't feel ill or that it won't turn out to be something more long term, but chucking about claims of ableism does a disservice to those who are suffering from, and discriminated against on a daily basis, because of chronic illness or disability.

Was a "couple" really two? My then partner did this at a really important event and I was googling blood sugar like crazy and being really sympathetic and it turned out he had necked a couple of extra vodkas that I didn't know about. Utterly ruined my day (and his, but you'll forgive my lack of caring)

Yes, because she was taken ill! Everyone else would have been drinking the same prosecco as she was! If she'd been downing shits and started heckling during the speeches fair enough, but she would have had a couple of glasses of prosecco - just like every other single person there, so hardly a massive moral failing on her part.

OP is getting a very unfair bashing on this thread. What she described is not being "pissed" - I suffer with low blood pressure and the woozy claims feeling can come on very suddenly and I need to lie down or get my head down at least, and if I've been unable to do so in time I've passed out, several times - with no drink involved.

I've also been pissed before and it's a completely different situation with a completely different presentation!

Sounds like you got pissed and had a whitey... I would be well annoyed with my DP if he put his head of the table at a wedding then proceeded to have a row with me.
Eat a sandwich before you neck wine in the daytime!

OP's genitals make her resistant to alcohol on an empty stomach?

Better to stick your head down quietly than stand up and fall over etc.

People are being ridiculous.

She didn’t “fall unwell”. She drank enough Prosecco to fell unwell and embarrass herself and her husband.

According to half the people on here you are a deep embarrassment and should be ashamed of your appalling behaviour. How dare you have a problem.

Because people on here are nuts.