Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

[OneBrightCrow]

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

On threads I read like this one I get an image of certain posters "bulldog sucking on a lemon ". syndrome.

This.

He should have helped you out, but it sounds like you refused. I would have been annoyed too.

@JiraffDeSaki

why did you need to have your underpants in your handbag??

I couldn't face putting the spanx back on.

@JiraffDeSaki

fair enough!

I had this before at a wedding during the speeches. It was really weird! I suddenly felt really unwell and sick and also didn't get up straight away because if I did I knew I'd collapse or be sick which would've been mortifying! Totally understand why you put your head on the table - sometimes you just have to follow what your body needs to get it to pass as quickly as possible.

I went to the GP after and they reckoned it was the combination of lack of food, weird timings and too many stimulants (a coffee and a couple of glasses of champagne, hardly wild!) I'm now really careful with drinking enough water and eating a proper lunch before going to weddings.

Sounds like he was being pretty mean to you - as if anyone chooses to be unwell for no reason. I'd get his point if you were demanding he leave with you, but he could've easily left you to chill for an hour or so to recover and had a chat with his friends. Why do you need to be joined at the hip just because he doesn't see his friends much? YANBU.

Gosh this takes me back a couple of years ago. I do understand why he was upset you put your head on the table at a wedding. It would have been noticed and is probably one of the worst situations for it to happen. HOWEVER. I can relate to how you felt. I was at Wimbledon tennis with my then partner. Very expensive tickets in hospitality The Gatsby Club. I woke up that morning not feeling right but have a chronic condition and this can happen. Sat down for lunch feeling very unwell. Glass of champagne on the table not touched. I just wanted to lay on the floor and sleep. The Michelin star chef came to the table and I rallied. My partner was concerned & could see I didn’t look right and suggested we sit in the gardens and get some fresh air. I sat down drank a few sips of said champagne and collapsed into his lap. I am not a fainter never Happened before. I am told He tried to rouse me I was unconscious and fell to the floor in my new posh frock. Paramedics came couldn’t bring me round, I remember nothing but was mumbling at tines, they couldn’t get the ambulance to the lawns so took me in a chair slumped into a golf cart (I am embarrassed even typing this) through many many people propped between two paramedics semi conscious,
partner in the back. The medical centre is under the courts so right in the middle of everything , everyone laughing thinking I was drunk my partner incredibly angry at their reaction but clearly and understandably must have been embarrassed. They did tests and found the ecg was very worrying. I came round in the medical centre and felt okay and didn’t know what all the fuss was about. I didn’t feel perfect but okay just tired. I definitely didn’t want to go to hospital but The second ECG was also worrying so was taken by blue light. It was just post Covid so had to go alone. They never found out what happened despite lots of tests. I was kept in. felt terrible the whole day, very expensive tickets bought my partner wasted. I have no explanation to this day but felt terrible for him for me and very embarrassed. So I empathise with you. It may well not have been alcohol & had you collapsed in front of everyone by moving outside it may well
have created more chaos. So pls try and put it behind you. Understand his embarrassment in front of his friends but perhaps share this experience. My heart definitely was doing something odd, verified medically. Thank god it seems to have been a one off. I would never have believed this could happen to me. So don’t beat yourself up any longer just be happy you are fit and well again. Perhaps if he can’t let it go you may need to consider letting him go. But also see from his perspective putting your head on the table I am sure everyone assumed you was drunk just like they did with me. I absolutely wasn’t. I believe when you say you wasn’t too. People can be very judgemental x

That means you're the embarrassing one.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.. you felt ill. Instead of showing concern for how you are your husband was more concerned about how it looked. Yes it was unfortunate and your husband was wishing you could both enjoy the day but so were you. This was not your fault. I hope you’re ok.

🍋 😂

@FrypanFran

lighten up!

nothing wrong will letting your hair down and having a few drinks! You should try it!

Same happened to me... We went to a wedding, I think the ceremony was 11am... We attended and there was NO FOOD until 7pm, just alcohol to drink. My husband didn't even eat breakfast. Location out in sticks and nowhere to even buy food.
By time speeches began I came over feeling soooo ill I just had to leave the room and spent rest of day with head down toilet.
Stupid thing was as soon as dinner was over they then did a food buffet! 🙄

I'd be embarrassed by anyone I'm with getting that pissed was he forcing the prosecco down your throat?

That sounds to me like a binding agreement to babysit🤞🏻

"was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK! "

You run from that type of person. Respect yourself more. Bin this guy.

This is precisely it…. I never would’ve anticipated feeling THAT bad. Been at plenty of weddings, had wished I’d eaten more that morning and then drunk ALOT more and never come over like that.

In all my years of uni and beyond I’ve never even once been sick from alcohol. I’ve never been the one that’s had to be taken home early by friends - I was normally the one doing the taking home, scraping red wine vomit off my friends brand new boots she’d got for Christmas 🤣

wish I could convince some of you lot that I’m not a pathetic lightweight (not that it matters)

granted, the Prosecco was likely a contributing factor, along with late food, a warm room etc.

I’d not even be looking for a bit of an apology from my husband if I thought I was drunk, or had form for doing this kind of thing.

He KNEW I wasn’t drunk…. I told him I felt strange and unwell and faint etc. before it got really bad, so I reached out to him for help but it progressed quicker than I could act upon. So it was the prioritising what other people might think above my wellbeing that upset me.

Just an unfortunate thing to happen. You can't help the fact that you got unwell and I totally understand your not wanting to walk away from the table while you were in a faint. Your husband's reaction was poor. When you feel better, tell him so.

Agreed. Rude & attention seeking & potentially spoiling the speeches and the memories of them. Just get up and leave I’m sure you could’ve managed that. I’m with your DH on this sorry.

I think he felt like this because obviously everyone else who didn't know you felt ill would think she is drunk and if it was the first time some people have met his partner it would look odd. I know the feeling you mean, dead legs etc. I don't think him being sick has anything to do with your head on the table as hardly anyone seen him.

Yes like a fois gras goose. Help me.

@Howbizarre22

Agreed. Rude & attention seeking & potentially spoiling the speeches and the memories of them. Just get up and leave I’m sure you could’ve managed that. I’m with your DH on this sorry.

You actually have no experience of a sudden drop in blood pressure do you.

You can't just walk out. You would pass out on the way. And it comes on so suddenly that by the time you realise you are in trouble it's too late.
You'd probably accuse her of being an attention seeker for passing out during speeches. 🙄

But so much better than standing up and further exacerbating the problem of low blood pressure causing you to pass out and defecate yourself. Or maybe not. Maybe you think head on table is far worse.

Because that is what happens when you have a catastrophic drop in blood pressure. Clammy, nausea and dizziness. You have to get your head down or you will faint immediately. And sometimes short yourself.

This is what I do too. But we have experience of sudden drops in blood pressure. The first time it happened to me I was around 23 and in a restaurant. I tried to get to the loo and ended up passing out as I walked. Fainted and fell very very dramatically. The whole room stopped.

But hey. At least I didn't put my head on the table

Gosh, just imagine all the embarrassed mortified people if you did!!!!

That happened to us 11àm wedding, back to the hotel, immediately the families vanished with the photographer. Guests all left in the bar with a small sherry. The hotel bar was cleaned out of crisps, peanuts, etc. after a couple of drinks most people went onto soft drinks. Even that palled. Six hours after leaving the church the family arrived and we were allowed into the dining room. I felt really unwell by this stage.

The families were both farmers. I'm sure they didn't starve in the interim.

We all ate the roast beef from some prize herd listened to the speeches and left as did many other guests. It was only memorable because so badly planned. Six hours with a photographer in a middling hotel off a dual carriageway 🙈