Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

[OneBrightCrow]

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

My husband can't have alcohol either he gets very unwell on just a glass. Not drunk at all. Just very unwell. Vomiting, stomach problems, numb fingers the like.

He's gone T total because of it. He has auto immune issues. So we put it down to that.

I'm sure you see in hindsight that leaving the room may have been a bit better. But your husband really should have trusted your word. Still alcohol clouds the mind.

Haha, I’ve had this, the fainter’s dilemma when you can feel it about to happen. You either get your head down ASAP, avoid fainting and look like a bit of a wally, or you have to try and leave and risk actually collapsing on the way, but at least people don’t think you’re being a drama queen.

Putting your head on the table would have made you look like you were shitfaced, even if you weren’t.

If I’d been with you I’d have been mortified.

Christ

Or heaven forbid, they have to feel 'mortified' by seeing you with your head on the table. Poor wee souls

I bet you're one of those people who would walk past an unconscious diabetic in a hypo because you'd assume they were drunk, aren't you?

How on earth did you glean that from anything I said? I merely questioned your use of the word 'ableist'. I wouldn't walk past anyone in distress, even if they were, in fact, drunk. What a fucking stupid conclusion to draw.

Inner ear, really? Her only proper excuse is if it was her first time drinking alcohol. We all know what happens when you have drink on an empty stomach. Me at least, I immediately flush and any heat makes me immediately ill feeling. A room full of people at an event... probably hot and stuffy. Doesn't mix well with alcohol. Apologize to DH for him not seeing his mates and be done. As pp have said you didn't vomit on the dancefloor or hit on the groom. It's not something anyone will remember except DH, who probably was upset he couldn't socialize with old friends. I will say that alot of you seem quite better than me. If I saw someone plop their head down on a table at a wedding, I wouldn't fan them with my menu. Id be sidling away fast as I could to avoid being throw up on.

OP: “My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I felt awful but I didn’t want to cause a fuss in case I became sick at the table, so I tried to get up to get to a bathroom, but I wound up collapsing on the floor . . .

It's left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that it was ridiculous of me for trying to stand up when feeling ill and collapsing in front of everyone and we would have to agree to disagree.”

Responses: “For Christ’s sake, OP, why didn’t you just stay where you were and put your head down on the table?”

Got to be honest I’d be embarrassed if my dp put his head on the table..

She over ate and over drank then. Either way she doesn’t deserve the full apology and neither does he. Sounds like they need to communicate better.

Because he was hammered

Quite easily, actually.

@FrypanFran

lol

oh hun

Only for you.

Pissed on 2 glasses of Prosecco, hardly?
I've had 2 incidents within 6 months where I become faint after alcohol, one I'd had 3 drinks during/after dinner, the other I'd had 3 sips of my first pint after having had dinner out. Seems to be a histamine thing as far as I can figure out (the only menopausal hot flushes I've ever had were facial after alcohol) , the first time I managed to make my way out the pub door and the freezing December air seemed to bring my round. Second time I was standing in a practically empty pub knowing there was no way I could make it downstairs when one of my friends looked at me and I was deathly pale and starting to sway. She grabbed me and they got me down stairs and outside, I felt better after a couple of minutes but 5 minutes later bolted round the corner to be sick. I absolutely looked pissed to everyone outside of my group, but I wasn't in the slightest, only other time I fainted was as a kid having broken a bone and it hasn't happened in the 5 yrs since, I dont drink at all now
I can understand your DH being a bit mortified initially as it's an unusual thing to happen, I'd be a bit WTF is going on before it happened to me, but it should have been clear to him pretty quick that he needed to be kind and look after his wife!

Oh hun nothing. You must have an inner ear infection

OP,

I don't want to armchair diagnose, but I've read your comments and your descriptions of when this happens, and I think it would be worth looking into Vasovagal Syncope. It's basically a name for when your body is triggered by something, your blood vessels in your legs dilate and you come over funny and/or pass out.

I've had similar incidents in the past, definitely not caused by alcohol (teetotal due to medication). But it took several years of it happening regularly to get a tilt table test to diagnose, because it won't show up in a bog standard GP appointment because there's nothing to trigger the symptoms. And it won't show up in bloods because it's dysfunction of the central nervous system rather than an illness.

P.S. your husband is a twat.

@FrypanFran

i don’t

I just have a normal healthy attitude towards booze

Putting your head on the table was rude and he was probably embarrassed in front of his friends.
It would have better to have discreetly left the room.

@enchantedsquirrelwood

If your drinking negatively affects your behavior in a public setting, then you aren't drinking responsibly. Even if that's just 2 prosecco.

i would find that embarrassing.

And that's all good and well. But healthy doesn't mean I feel so sick after drinking that I can't move

Hey if it helps OP, I was at my stepdaughters wedding when I came over peculiar at the table just as the speeches were about to start.

I don't drink so I wasn't shit faced on two mouthfuls of prosecco, you absolute lush, BUT I had just eaten beef stroganoff on a very empty stomach (hadn't eaten for 36 hrs).

Luckily I had the presence of mind to leave the table, get to the ladies, and extricate myself from spanx and chub rub shorts before the world fell out of me. Shitting myself at the table would've been far more mortifying but it was pretty close.

Seriously though, I felt rough for a good hour and just wanted to go back to the hotel. My DH was mildly concerned for me - not much, he's accustomed to my crazy bowel antics after 25 years - but was mainly just disappointed that I wanted to leave because I'd miss all the dancing. And also because he'd have to get a different lift back to the hotel! He wouldn't have been unkind or embarrassed, that's for sure. As it happened I drank some cold lemonade, sat outside and got some air, and ended up dancing the night away with my undercrackers in me handbag.

Hope you get to the bottom (haha) of these episodes. I've had a couple of weird fainting moments in my time too.

Can second this.
I had fear of injections (not needlephobia bcs I could easily handle them etc.) but it was triggered only in new medical settings or with new staff members bcs was stressed due to previous bad needle accident.
At one point during my second pregnancy I was told I probably have Vasovagal Syncope.
It madea lot ofsenseasI was told I may have white cote sindrome while I was joki g with said consultatnt, bizzarre.

As teen I also probably got it sometimes in hot crowdy places but no one bothered to look that up. I just had some tests to confirm I was not anemic.
OP - if you sometimes fell faint in certain situations without apparent reason it may be worth looking up.

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant

what if you didn’t know it was going to happen though? What if it usually doesn’t happen?