Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

[OneBrightCrow]

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

My blood pressure is always on the floor so I do sympathise with OP because when I come
over clammy and faint, if I stood up to leave I’d faint and have a seizure. That said, in these situations I tend to quietly put my bag on the floor and then sort of bend my head down low as if I’m getting something out of my bag. It seems to get the blood back to where it should be.

You can do it quite discreetly and look like you are rummaging for a tissue or something. Little tip for any fainters!

I can see that the head on the table thing probably looked a bit weird.

She hadn't eaten enough she said that herself. So perhaps you ought to re read. She then went on to drink 🙄 it is a little embarrassing

I've not read all 14 pages but am really shocked at the amount of people criticising the 'head on the table' decision. I don't understand why people don't get that when you're feeling faint it's probably not the best decision to stand up and try and walk out!

I'll just leave this here....

To be fair I didn’t feel ill on an empty stomach. We’d eaten starter, main and wedding cake by that point. But that probably came a bit late in the day and the prosecco before hand didn’t line my tummy particularly well. I wasn’t remotely drunk

How do you know?

Plus, my point is that no one would know someone has invisible disabilities just by looking at them. The majority of responses on here are from people who are morrrrrtified at the very thought of someone getting ill in public because it's sooo embarrassing and wrong and rude. It's bizarre. No one knows what's going on with a random stranger and to be embarrassed by it is just odd.

HTH.

I still can’t get over how DRUNK the OP was. According to posters here. Off her tits. And a man, with a penis and everything, had to look at her with his very own eyes. The suffering! The humanity! The degradation. Bless him.

Oh god you've done it now. You can assume someone is not disabled, but you can never assume someone might be!! Boy have I leant my lesson...

As a disabled person with multiple chronic illnesses, I will call out ableism, thanks.

Whether the OP is disabled or not is not the point. My point was, the people who are judging OP for putting her head on a table at a wedding, god forbid 🙄 are making out they'd do the same if they saw someone at a wedding "behave" in such a rude, gross, MORTIFYING way.

Judging someone you don't know for taking an action to protect themselves, that doesn't harm anyone else? That is ableism 👍

🤣🤣🤣

pray for him, please.

Tell you what? Just don't assume anything. If someone is ill in a public place and it isn't affecting you, get on with your day. Let them do what they need to do to be safe. Is it really that hard?

I'm agreeing with you

I'm very far from an etiquette book wielding pearl clutcher. If you could only see me! I'm actually just being realistic. There are a lot of people on Mumsnet who aren't realistic. Their children always eat curley kale, their MIL's are always bitches, their teenage sons always whip the hoover out. Unfortunately life isn't like that and sometimes, just sometimes people get embarrassed. I really defy anyone who says they have categorically never, in their entire lives, been affected by what other people/society/their parents/their employers/their mates think of them. Never to have known that feeling is to be a robot and not human.

No, that is not the definition of ableism. It really isn't.

Judging someone you don't know for taking an action to protect themselves, that doesn't harm anyone else? That is ableism 👍

Ah, come on, you're just making stuff up now.

Oh god, sorry, I read it wrong 😂

I didn't say it was, "the definition" of ableism. I said the act of being disgusted/embarrassed/mortified/whatever other ugly words you want to put there, about someone who has come over ill, is ableism. Because it is. As someone upthread has pointed out, people with illnesses such as diabetes, epilepsy, POTS etc often feel suddenly ill and have to take actions such as putting their head down. Why would someone be disgusted by that? It's bizarre behaviour.

I would have thought you getting up to go out and risking collapsing would be even more disruptive especially during the speeches and I can definitely get how drinking on an empty stomach can cause you to become clammy and feel nauseous. If he is embarrassed rather than concerned about your health that says more about him than you. As for the refusing to go back and leave you to recover in peace because you need to be there "as a couple" I think quite clearly that is ridiculous.

I would have been more embarrassed at him having to stop the taxi to get out and vomit on the way home. As you say with events like this where you get plied with drink but food takes a while to come out it is best to either eat beforehand or just refuse the drinks or wait until the food comes out to start drinking.

What am I making up? Do tell.

100% agree with this.

As a fainter I get the urge to put your head down but would probably have left the room at the first sign of feeling unwell. To be honest, I would rather someone put their head on the table than spewed on it BUT if it was my DH I would probably have been mortified. It's a no win situation. Nobody knows what they would do until it happens to them.

He was unhelpful and YANBU.

Is he normally like this around you if you’re ill?

I said the act of being disgusted/embarrassed/mortified/whatever other ugly words you want to put there, about someone who has come over ill, is ableism. Because it is
God almighty! It is not!

You were unwell, what could you do. You could have passed out. It prob didn't look great, but you didn't do it on purpose. Everyone who's passed out or been close to it, knows how horrible that feels. He could have shown some empathy.

Has anyone on this thread ever been lightheaded or fainted before? You quite often cannot move before you pass out. I am a fainter and my legs turn to jelly before I go. OP was just trying to avoid creating more disruption by staying put.

Why on earth do people need to get drunk at weddings??