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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
20
Boomer55 · 05/04/2024 17:09

Cantrushart · 05/04/2024 11:31

Yeah, bit of a dramatic thing to do during the speeches. I'd be insisting on helping you to leave the room ASP.

Yep. All a bit drama Queen. Quietly leaving and sitting out in the air would have been better.

GoingDownLikeBHS · 05/04/2024 17:13

I love all the posts about the OP being drunk and "boozing" on 2 glasses of Prosecco, its like all the Sun reporters have come here on a coach!

justasking111 · 05/04/2024 17:17

@OneBrightCrow if this isn't the first occasion you've been unwell like this, please go see your GP and get some tests done.

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 17:18

Boomer55 · 05/04/2024 17:09

Yep. All a bit drama Queen. Quietly leaving and sitting out in the air would have been better.

Show quote history

…which I did as soon as I felt able to stand.

Had It been more of a gradual thing, I would’ve left earlier, but once I felt unwell I’d hoped it would pass, but then it worsened quite quickly.

My intention was to do the least disruptive thing possible…. But evidently some here think I brought the drama and theatrics 🤣 Really wasn’t like that in my opinion. I apologised and explained to those on our table later on that evening, and don’t believe anyone thought I was an oddball/attention seeking/embarrassing.

OP posts:
skyfalldown · 05/04/2024 17:21

I'm a fainter - low blood pressure and anaemic, so you have my full sympathy and I can understand why you didn't want to stand up immediately. Not sure the issue is with putting your head on the table, it's better than crumpling into a heap

Scotcheggz · 05/04/2024 17:24

I’d be mortified if my partner put his head on the table like that, on front of my old friends

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 17:30

justasking111 · 05/04/2024 17:17

@OneBrightCrow if this isn't the first occasion you've been unwell like this, please go see your GP and get some tests done.

I did following the first episode, but it amounted to nothing. Had bloods and an ECG done. On this occasion, like some have said, it was prob hypoglycaemia/carb crash or dehydration, worsened by the fact I’d had some alcohol.

thinking about it, I had a similar episode after I ate three bits of toast following the birth of my second baby. After being starved all
night (epidural) I packed away that toast like nobody’s business, but then strangely nearly collapsed shortly after.

as some have pointed out, I’ve def learnt something about myself…. And will be more conscious at future events where the food is late in the day.

perhaps I expected too much of my husband. I don’t embarrass easily if a loved one’s wellbeing is my primary concern…. But we’re all different

OP posts:
mollyminniemo · 05/04/2024 17:31

If I’d been at my close friends wedding and my husband put his head on the table Id have been really embarrassed too. I’m just being honest. I know the exact physical feeling you are talking about. I think we all do. Empty stomach/ sudden alcohol especially the hit of sugary fizz can do funny things. I’d have pushed my chair out a little, stretched out, deep calm breathing, lots of water and assuming possible- stuffed my face with any stodge available. Or asked a passing waiter for some bread & butter. But do everything possible to just get through the speeches and not make it about me (unless of course having a heart attack/ stroke!) But basically do everything other than putting my head on a table at a wedding during the speeches. I’d cut him some slack.

ginasevern · 05/04/2024 17:32

I expect he'd been really looking forward to this event. A chance to meet up with old mates, lots of lovely food and booze and a chance (the first chance?) to introduce you to everyone. We all get pissed off when a special occasion is ruined, even if we don't show it. I would be embarrassed if you put your head on the table with loads of other people around. If it was the first time you'd met his friends it would have been even more embarrassing and most people would naturally assume you were drunk.

I'm afraid we're all victims sometimes of caring about appearances and, to be fair, this was probably an expensive wedding. Your DH was all pumped about it and it all went wrong. Unless he's guilty of arsey behaviour all the time, I'd cut him some slack.

Sweetheart7 · 05/04/2024 17:35

The thing is OP you knew why you felt unwell because you needed to eat! Why didn't you go and grab something? lt does sound like drunken behaviour

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 17:36

Scotcheggz · 05/04/2024 17:24

I’d be mortified if my partner put his head on the table like that, on front of my old friends

Gasp. Clutches bosom. The total shame!!!

Sweetheart7 · 05/04/2024 17:37

skyfalldown · 05/04/2024 17:21

I'm a fainter - low blood pressure and anaemic, so you have my full sympathy and I can understand why you didn't want to stand up immediately. Not sure the issue is with putting your head on the table, it's better than crumpling into a heap

OP could of turned to the person at the side of her and said I feel faint.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 17:37

Sweetheart7 · 05/04/2024 17:35

The thing is OP you knew why you felt unwell because you needed to eat! Why didn't you go and grab something? lt does sound like drunken behaviour

Read the ops posts. Christ on a bike.

She'd eaten by the time she felt unwell!!!

justasking111 · 05/04/2024 17:38

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 17:30

I did following the first episode, but it amounted to nothing. Had bloods and an ECG done. On this occasion, like some have said, it was prob hypoglycaemia/carb crash or dehydration, worsened by the fact I’d had some alcohol.

thinking about it, I had a similar episode after I ate three bits of toast following the birth of my second baby. After being starved all
night (epidural) I packed away that toast like nobody’s business, but then strangely nearly collapsed shortly after.

as some have pointed out, I’ve def learnt something about myself…. And will be more conscious at future events where the food is late in the day.

perhaps I expected too much of my husband. I don’t embarrass easily if a loved one’s wellbeing is my primary concern…. But we’re all different

Show quote history

Ah I had a friend like this. She was very slender. Always carried carbs in her handbag just incase. I recall spending a day shopping with her once lots of walking. We had to stop for a morning coffee and a snack because she'd had a funny feeling. We had a good lunch and she managed the rest of the day.

In her sixties she was diagnosed with T1 diabetes. So I suspect there was always an issue.

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 17:40

ginasevern · 05/04/2024 17:32

I expect he'd been really looking forward to this event. A chance to meet up with old mates, lots of lovely food and booze and a chance (the first chance?) to introduce you to everyone. We all get pissed off when a special occasion is ruined, even if we don't show it. I would be embarrassed if you put your head on the table with loads of other people around. If it was the first time you'd met his friends it would have been even more embarrassing and most people would naturally assume you were drunk.

I'm afraid we're all victims sometimes of caring about appearances and, to be fair, this was probably an expensive wedding. Your DH was all pumped about it and it all went wrong. Unless he's guilty of arsey behaviour all the time, I'd cut him some slack.

The event was 'ruined' because the OP put her head on the table for a bit? It's ironic that the OP has been accused of being dramatic when people are coming out with guff like this.
And why does it matter if it was the first time she was meeting his friends? Why does he care more about what they think than about how his partner is? And what sort of friends/people are they, frankly, if their response would be anything other than concern?
What on earth does the expense have to do with anything? I mean, if the OP was the entertainment and highly paid, and she'd stopped singing and put her head down halfway through 'At Last' or something, then maybe.

God I'm grateful I don't know anyone like the etiquette-book-wielding, pearl-clutching contingent on here.

StaunchMomma · 05/04/2024 17:42

Singleandproud · 05/04/2024 11:22

Putting your head on the table was odd compared to stealthily excusing yourselves and going to the bathroom.

Edited

Even if she was worried she was going to faint on the way out?

Think maybe her sprawled on the floor would have attracted a bit more attention than putting her head down!

Jk8 · 05/04/2024 17:43

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends

why. just why was the wedding speeches at the reception of your husbands uni friends so important to you that you were willing to litterally keel over onto the table....?!?!?

I find this far more bizarre then somebody genuinely ill & unable to stand

So I voted YABU not because you could "help" what you did but because your noseyness & desire to fit in led to you making a tit of yourself infront of the entire table you were at.

StaunchMomma · 05/04/2024 17:47

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 17:30

I did following the first episode, but it amounted to nothing. Had bloods and an ECG done. On this occasion, like some have said, it was prob hypoglycaemia/carb crash or dehydration, worsened by the fact I’d had some alcohol.

thinking about it, I had a similar episode after I ate three bits of toast following the birth of my second baby. After being starved all
night (epidural) I packed away that toast like nobody’s business, but then strangely nearly collapsed shortly after.

as some have pointed out, I’ve def learnt something about myself…. And will be more conscious at future events where the food is late in the day.

perhaps I expected too much of my husband. I don’t embarrass easily if a loved one’s wellbeing is my primary concern…. But we’re all different

Show quote history

Did anyone talk to you about postprandial hypotension, OP?

It's interesting that you've felt like this before after eating on an empty stomach.

It's a horrible feeling when you crash like this. People here are being incredibly harsh, I think.

LauraKP · 05/04/2024 17:48

Quitelikeit · 05/04/2024 13:10

This makes me wince!

ywbu putting your head on the table!

Id have been in big trouble too if I’d done that

”big trouble”? Your partner sounds like a dickhead. You really can’t control how you act when you’re about to faint. That’s insane.

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 17:52

Jk8 · 05/04/2024 17:43

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends

why. just why was the wedding speeches at the reception of your husbands uni friends so important to you that you were willing to litterally keel over onto the table....?!?!?

I find this far more bizarre then somebody genuinely ill & unable to stand

So I voted YABU not because you could "help" what you did but because your noseyness & desire to fit in led to you making a tit of yourself infront of the entire table you were at.

The fuck are you talking about? Confused
She is 'nosey' for going to a wedding (to which I'm assuming she was invited)?
Or for not wanting to stand up and risk falling over/throwing up?

Verv · 05/04/2024 17:57

TBH I'd look at someone with their head down on the table and think "drama queen"
Probably as DP has done and therefore been irritated.

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 17:58

Jk8 · 05/04/2024 17:43

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends

why. just why was the wedding speeches at the reception of your husbands uni friends so important to you that you were willing to litterally keel over onto the table....?!?!?

I find this far more bizarre then somebody genuinely ill & unable to stand

So I voted YABU not because you could "help" what you did but because your noseyness & desire to fit in led to you making a tit of yourself infront of the entire table you were at.

I stayed because I thought (hoped) it would pass quickly, and so I didn’t appear disrespectful at walking out or worse still, passing out and causing a scene….. not because I was nosey?!

clearly this backfired which led to me trying to manage it so badly in my chair.

I got up as quickly as I could, but was doing what I could to feel well enough to get up.

if it’s of any relevance, I laid my forehead on to my forearm. This was prob intermittent with trying to fan myself and breathe deeply, so not typically the behaviour of someone who is rat arsed. And minutes before I had been engaging in normal, civilised conversation - not slurring, heckling and generally behaving hammered.

I didn’t just faceplant the table like I was bored stiff.

OP posts:
K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 17:58

Verv · 05/04/2024 17:57

TBH I'd look at someone with their head down on the table and think "drama queen"
Probably as DP has done and therefore been irritated.

That's says a whole lot about you then doesn't it.

Jk8 · 05/04/2024 17:59

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 17:52

The fuck are you talking about? Confused
She is 'nosey' for going to a wedding (to which I'm assuming she was invited)?
Or for not wanting to stand up and risk falling over/throwing up?

Show quote history

Staying "for the speeches" to the point of being unable to physically unable to stand or even sit up is madness at a wedding of people you only know.via somebody

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 17:59

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 17:58

I stayed because I thought (hoped) it would pass quickly, and so I didn’t appear disrespectful at walking out or worse still, passing out and causing a scene….. not because I was nosey?!

clearly this backfired which led to me trying to manage it so badly in my chair.

I got up as quickly as I could, but was doing what I could to feel well enough to get up.

if it’s of any relevance, I laid my forehead on to my forearm. This was prob intermittent with trying to fan myself and breathe deeply, so not typically the behaviour of someone who is rat arsed. And minutes before I had been engaging in normal, civilised conversation - not slurring, heckling and generally behaving hammered.

I didn’t just faceplant the table like I was bored stiff.

Edited
Show quote history

You don't need to explain yourself op. It's peak batshittery on this thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread