Page 8 | To not send my child to nursery at all?

MumblesParty · 05/04/2024 12:57

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 05/04/2024 12:52

I think she will find school easier (the transition) after being in nursery or a pre-school. Even a term. Going to a playgroup with mum or DGP for 2 hours is in no way comparable to a school day. It’s not about her development per se but being comfortable in a big group, eating with other children, going to the bathroom etc
I think she will miss out and find school a shock.

I disagree. School is different to nursery anyway. And it’ll always be a shock. But they deal with it.
It’s like saying that wearing a tie at secondary school will be a shock, so all year 6s should start wearing ties so they adjust to it. Totally unnecessary.

MumblesParty · 05/04/2024 13:00

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 05/04/2024 12:55

@MumblesParty “It’s a myth that nursery is essential for anything other than childcare.”

that’s factually incorrect. There are a ton of studies on benefits of good early childhood education (nurseries, pre-schools etx) That’s why in many EU countries it’s heavily funded, it benefits children’s development and Language development and the effects are seen in school. Especially children from deprived backgrounds benefit massively.

Can you post a link to a study that shows children who are cared for by engaged interested and interactive parents/grandparents have poorer language development than kids who’ve been to nursery. I just don’t believe it.

Yes there’s plenty of evidence that a kid who’ll be ignored at home is better off at nursery, but OP doesn’t give me that impression.

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 05/04/2024 13:00

no more comment on your nonsense @MumblesParty wearing a piece of clothing is the same as starting school? Sure

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 05/04/2024 13:01

MumblesParty · 05/04/2024 13:00

Can you post a link to a study that shows children who are cared for by engaged interested and interactive parents/grandparents have poorer language development than kids who’ve been to nursery. I just don’t believe it.

Yes there’s plenty of evidence that a kid who’ll be ignored at home is better off at nursery, but OP doesn’t give me that impression.

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Just google. Not here to educate you, you clearly are an expert in ECD anyway

MumblesParty · 05/04/2024 13:02

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 05/04/2024 13:00

no more comment on your nonsense @MumblesParty wearing a piece of clothing is the same as starting school? Sure

Edited

My point is that life is full of changes and adjustments, and you can’t replicate them all in advance. It’s not age appropriate, apart from anything else.

MumblesParty · 05/04/2024 13:03

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 05/04/2024 13:01

Just google. Not here to educate you, you clearly are an expert in ECD anyway

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No, nothing on google to say that kids who spend their pre school years being looked after by caring engaged parents struggle with language development.

Bloom15 · 05/04/2024 13:06

ThisNiftyMintCat · 05/04/2024 05:41

Honestly OP you are saving yourself a massive headache by not having to deal with all the nursery illnesses. It's totally fine - loads of people never went to nursery. You could look at a dance class and a swimming class when she's 4 to get her used to the idea before school starts

They will just get them in school through - that is what happened to the children in my DS' class who didn't have regular contact with other children (nursery, play groups etc.)

It think some exposure to children when the parent isn't around is good preparation for school

MumblesParty · 05/04/2024 13:07

OP you’ll find that MN is full of people insisting that you absolutely HAVE to send your child to nursery, or they’ll never learn to speak, won’t know how to be in a room with other kids, and will be friendless for ever.
But it’s not true.
They are at school for many years, and have ample time to learn how to socialise. More than enough time in fact. By the end of their first term they have spent nearly 500 hours in a group setting!

Yalta · 05/04/2024 13:11

can only go by my own experience as someone who didn’t go to nursery.

I didn’t have a clue what other children my age looked like. Socially I struggled and was completely overwhelmed with facing 50 other children on my first day at school who seemed to all have friends in the class. I think my mother was under the impression of it being a classroom full of children who had never met before when it was only me who was the new girl to everyone.

Both dc went to nursery and I feel that by the time they went to school, socially they were very confident with other children and had friends from nursery who went to the same school.

trying to work out why taking dd to nursery and then returning home to head out to work is such a big deal. A lot of people do something like that.

Bloom15 · 05/04/2024 13:13

BigFatLiar · 05/04/2024 08:09

Nurseries are actually relatively new. Prior to that parents and extended family looked after the children. Turned out OK for most people. Neither of us went to nursery when we were little and I don't know if there even was one near me.

I am 43 and don't know anyone on my circle who didn't attend at least a preschool. More mornings or afternoon settings but definitely didn't stay home all all the time

crumblingschools · 05/04/2024 13:13

Children struggled in COVID times even if at home with engaged parents.

Original poster

Nilin · 05/04/2024 13:15

Just to address some of the more recent comments- I really have no concerns about her attending nursery from an educational attainment point of view.
I don't want to sound smug but she does have weeks packed with a broad range of activities; she just doesn't necessarily go to the same stuff every week in order to make friends.
We do farms, soft play, park, forest group, little artist sessions at a gallery, science sessions at a museum, library rhyme time, swimming, NT estates. She knows her favourite books by heart and can 'read' them to me, and we try to take opportunities to count things. She obviously has her toys, Duplo and crafts etc to play with at home. And yes I let her watch cbeebies of an afternoon 😬 I do think the time is valuable. I assumed she would go to nursery at three, but I also assumed she would be able to access a quality setting I was happy with. If it's not a high quality setting then I think the time with me is probably more educationally enriching to be honest.

I'm more concerned with the social learning with preschool, and I do take seriously and heed the warnings of what a leap it would be to school. Our lives are (willingly!) pretty much centered around her happiness and needs and I think school may be a bit of a shock with no preparation.

OP posts:

Yalta · 05/04/2024 13:17

MumblesParty · 05/04/2024 13:07

OP you’ll find that MN is full of people insisting that you absolutely HAVE to send your child to nursery, or they’ll never learn to speak, won’t know how to be in a room with other kids, and will be friendless for ever.
But it’s not true.
They are at school for many years, and have ample time to learn how to socialise. More than enough time in fact. By the end of their first term they have spent nearly 500 hours in a group setting!

I don’t think I ever learned to make friends. If I have had any it is because dc do the same activity as other children. But as soon as the activity stops then they drift off

In primary school I always felt that I was at a disadvantage compared to those who knew each other before starting and in senior school history repeated itself except it was even worse than primary

HMW1906 · 05/04/2024 13:18

I’d probably try to get her in somewhere at least 1 day a week or make more of an effort to go to playgroups, etc. I think it would be a bit much to turn up on her first day of school and be thrown into a room with potentially 30 other kids if she hasn’t spent much time around other kids. My 3 year old goes to nursery 2 days week (it was 1 day until he got his funding), he absolutely loves it, he has his little friends that he talks about and he looks forward to going every week.

does the primary school she’ll go to have a school nursery attached? That might be an option, usually it’ll be a few hours on a morning Or afternoon and she’d potentially be with kids she’ll go to school with.

Yalta · 05/04/2024 13:25

Ohhbaby · 05/04/2024 10:26

Sorry for using your post as an example, there were many like you, but I just picked one.
I am a pediatric occupational therapist and can categorically state that nurseries are not necessary. Remember that daycare started, not because kids couldn't interact with each other but because women started to go into the workforce. ( it was originally started for factory workers). It wasn't the done thing until recently.
But let me explain a bit more. There are different stages of play development. I won't explain each one, but here they are below.

Unoccupied play (Birth – 3 Months of Age)
Solitary play (3 Months of Age – 2 Years of Age)
Onlooker Play (2 Years of Age)
Parallel Play (2 Years of Age and Older)
Associate Play (3-4 Years of Age.
Cooperative Play (4+ Years of Age)

Children only really start to play TOGETHER at around 4 to 5 years of age. Do you know what a nursery teacher does most of the times. She is topping 2 year old Johnny from taking 2 year old Ralph's truck. Keeping Susan from grabbing the doll off Mary. Placating Lee because he couldn't play with the train that Gerry is playing with. Explaining to one little boys parents why another little boy bit their son as he was angry that first boy took his toy. KIDS do not play together at these ages! "Helping them socialise" is a myth! And often parents would go. "yeah johnny was really bad at sharing, but he's been to nursery, he's now 4 and a half and he shares much better" Yeah that's because it is a developmental stage that all well-rounded kids reach, not because he was at nursery.

IMO its more important to expose children to different age groups anyway, because that's where learning takes place. Think back a bit. Children had baby siblings, older siblings, cousins, etc. The older ones learned to be patient with the little ones. A little one ( say 3 years of age learns he cannot always win ( because mama lets him right?, but not his 5 year old brother - similarly 5 year old brother learns that he cannot always win when he plays with his brother, because then baby bro doesn't want to play anymore, so he tones it down). Two 2-year olds don't learn from each other, they're both equally immature? I honestly don't know where this notion of socialising with peers in the toddler stage comes from. It holds no basis.

I'll say it again - if you send your child to nursery - please do, but it's not to socialise!

To OP, your kid absolutely does not need nursery. Even if you were worried about that, kids in the UK start school so early that you would cover that base if you thought it was true. Many countries' children only start school at 7 ( way more developmentally appropriate, but that is a different story anyway)

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Can I ask how a child who doesn’t see other children is supposed to do the following

Onlooker Play (2 Years of Age)
Parallel Play (2 Years of Age and Older)
Associate Play (3-4 Years of Age.
Cooperative Play (4+ Years of Age)

What happens if a child never goes through these stages

HMW1906 · 05/04/2024 13:26

Just saw that you’d already looked at the primary school option so ignore that on my last post.

Just read some of your replies and it sounds like you do plenty of activities with other kids so I really wouldn’t worry too much about socialisation, maybe just consider it from independence/being left without a parent point of view before starting school but if she’s only just 2 then you have plenty of time for that!

Circe7 · 05/04/2024 13:28

@Achillo
Yes tiny nursery on a primary school site in a rural village. I’ve made some good friends with the parents. The nursery also does events for parents and you can contact parents on the app. Appreciate that may be unusual.

plumcake2924 · 05/04/2024 13:32

Nilin · 05/04/2024 05:17

Our childcare is currently covered by DH and I both working part time, plus grandparents.
We had intended to send our DC to nursery in January 2025, at age 3, for 2-3 days a week.
We have been trying since January to find her a nursery place thinking a year's notice would be enough- we were very wrong!
A lot of nurseries reported no places until 2026, only taking full-time, etc etc.
There are about 8 nurseries within a 30 minute walking distance and they are all a no, so had to widen search to one we could drive to.
We have had just one offer us a viewing- it's hard though as obviously I feel obliged to take it as we don't have another choice! It's going to be really awkward though when we work from home and commute by public transport when we do go in, to then get her in the car to get to nursery to then drive home and then head into work.
I did want DC to be able to socialise and make friends, but I'm now wondering if there would be any harm in just continuing our current arrangement until she goes to school? We go on lots of days out but we don't really meet up with children the same age. I could make more of an effort to attend a local playgroup regularly though so she is seeing the same people. I'm just keen to do right by her really.

How can they be full until 2026 surely those children in the baby room haven't even been born yet and the mother won't even be pregnant?

Needanewname42 · 05/04/2024 13:36

Neither of my kids are still friends with the kids they went to nursery with but I do think it really helped having a familiar face on in those very early days of school.

Needanewname42 · 05/04/2024 13:43

plumcake2924 · 05/04/2024 13:32

How can they be full until 2026 surely those children in the baby room haven't even been born yet and the mother won't even be pregnant?

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The Op isn't looking for a baby room place her child is 2, now she's looking for a place for him turning 3 (Jan 25)

The nurseries will be prioritising their preschool places for children they currently have in the 2-3 room.

Chunkycookie · 05/04/2024 14:03

Caravaggiouch · 05/04/2024 12:39

You mean you’re choosing their friends for them through playgroups and home ed groups rather than them being “forced” to be friends with their nursery or school peers? Well it’s one way to make sure they’re only friends with the “right” kind of children…

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Yes, this is what always get me too.

And I am a home educator myself!! For all the people who say school is forced socialisation with 30 kids born in the same year, blah blah blah, it’s the same as taking them to home Ed groups.

The difference is just those children are at he same home Ed groups and not in a classroom and the children tend to be friends with the kids of the parents that their parents get along with.

I’ve got no skin in either game - currently one in school and one home Ed. I just find the “school is forced socialisation” argument really bloody boring. It’s all forced.

MrsCarson · 05/04/2024 14:03

Two of my three never went to Nursery. 1 went to nursery part time while I was any work. 2. Went to a childminder until school started. 3 did neither, she did great starting school.
I did ask a teacher friend, she taught two of my three and said by 6 months in they were all on equal footing.
My youngest who didn't go to anything (no playgroups where we lived back then) spent all her time with me and my friends, and her older brothers (10 years older) and friends older children. She was very well behaved and was reading alone before school. I used to do preschool type stuff, painting, playdough, lots of stories and drawing, baking etc

ReadingSoManyThreads · 05/04/2024 14:14

Yalta · 05/04/2024 13:25

Can I ask how a child who doesn’t see other children is supposed to do the following

Onlooker Play (2 Years of Age)
Parallel Play (2 Years of Age and Older)
Associate Play (3-4 Years of Age.
Cooperative Play (4+ Years of Age)

What happens if a child never goes through these stages

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Who said anything about the child not seeing other children? Are you aware that children who don't attend nurseries do actually have contact with other children and adults? This isn't a case of a child being held hostage in a basement.

bakewellbride · 05/04/2024 14:25

@ReadingSoManyThreads "we don't really meet up with children the same age" direct quote from the op

Pottlee · 05/04/2024 15:03

If your current arrangement is working well and can continue, I would do that OP