To think it's childish when grown women ask other women what they're wearing somewhere?

[pregahes]

Especially when it's days in advance it just seems...trivial.

AIBU to find it annoying?

Maybe if it was for some arcane ceremony in an unfamiliar culture, or an outdoor wedding in changeable weather…?

I think you're being a tad churlish. There can be several reasons- my friends and I all shop at a particular shop at times (because Australia is shit with clothing choices) and two of us are a similar size, with similar taste- I am too old to be 'twinning' with someone. Also sometimes to gauge who dressy others think it is- a night down the pub, I have that sorted. A 'party' I do not want to over or under dress so again, gauge what others are wearing. I don't see it as something to have an issue with.

Just sent a pic of me to a friend wearing an outfit for a night out a week away… ooops sorry

If you don’t enjoy it that’s fine. However me and my friends enjoy it as part of the anticipation to a looked forward to event.

Sometimes, annoying, trivial and childish is.... familiar and fun.

It's not a topic that would come natural to me. I normally dress to suit my mood at that particular time rather than for the specific occasion but if the conversation comes up at say tea break for a work night out then I am happy to take part and show interest.

Not in the slightest! Choosing what to wear stresses me out and so it's nice to know what sort of vibe other people are going for. I don't want to arrive over/under dressed.

I find it mildly annoying but depends on the outing.

If it's a big event then fair enough. If it's just lunch then it is silly.

I don't have multiple options so what others are wearing has no bearing on me

My friends all discuss what outfits we're taking when we go on our "Girly holiday" but then again. It's part of the excitement. Plus, I'm 57, and the trip also includes my Identical Twin. So we definitely confer, matching clothes was OK when we were 10. Not so much now!

Unless you intend to fundamentally alter the socialisation of women, and erase their knowledge that there is safety in numbers, you will never change this. It’s a behaviour that makes perfect and functional sense in its context.

(also if me and my best friend or my sister don’t check, we end up wearing the same bloody thing!)

There are lots of reasons people discuss this. I'm not very confident going out and finding it stressful deciding what to wear as I don't want to understand/over dress. Some of my friends are really in to clothes and like the excitement of planning an outfit. For a work event it is a conversation starter and small talk with people you might not know well.

You are overthinking it.

It's probably not something I'd ask these days, and I'd say 'not sure' if someone asked, but I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with asking/discussing it.

At least one friend has to reply with this! It’s the rules…

YABU there are some occasions when it's an event and the dress code is unclear.

I think it depends how it is asked and who is asking.

If I am going somewhere new or the dress code is ambiguous I might ask "how smart are you going?" Or "do you think this outfit will be OK?" And don't mind similar questions.

However my sister will ask me without fail every time we go somewhere what I am wearing. Even if we are just meeting at a garden centre!!

She has this obsession that I look "fancy" even when dressed casually. It just shows her insecurities and frustrates me that I am being quizzed on what I'll be wearing in 3 days time to go shopping when I don't know! It will depend on the weather snd what clothes have been washed/dried.

I find your thinking childish tbh

Totally agree. Feels like you're going to the school disco.

YABU. Why does it matter what others do. Appearance is important to some people, and you know that's OK?

Is that a problem?

Since when do children ask each other what they're wearing down the Lamb and Flag tonight?

I love clothes and fashion. I like to ask others what they're wearing because I find it interesting. I always know I'm going to be overdressed, but I like to gauge quite how overdressed I'm going to be with whatever outfit I've got in my head and adjust accordingly.

That being said I do try and judge with the friend(s) I'm meeting, I met a friend today for lunch who I know has zero interest in fashion, so I don't ask. I have other friends, who asking what they're going to wear makes them feel pressured, so I don't ask.

But my friends who I know like fashion, I ask. Simple.

Since when does everything have to be serious and have substance? Can't some things just be trivial anyway?

@wincarwoo

I used to love the fun of all shopping for school disco outfits and getting ready together- I’m all for more of that merrymaking.