Why does this mum keep doing this

[Sillyoldfoxdoesntheknow]

Nice mum at school, her Dds and mine really like each other and have known each other last year and this year. She also only lives a walk away, around the corner.
Quite a few times now, she’s been inviting us to come and play at the house, I’m very enthusiastic in my responses as my Dd adores the girls, she goes on and on about it, says she’s put it in the diary and will contact me, the girls get excited (especially my Dd) and then…nothing.
It’s the same this holiday, she said the Wednesday or Thursday (yesterday and today) as they were back last week and we go away tomorrow..and no text. Am I supposed to text her when it’s her house as that seems weird?
Dd has lots of friends and some neighbour pals to play with on the street, but it’s not really about that, she gets so excited each time and plans it
Does this mum just forget/become busy? Why keep saying it if you don’t want it to happen?

Surprised how many people say ‘just text her!’ Sure, OP could do, but doesn’t that feel a little bit like inviting yourself round? The other mum proposed a plan and said she’d be in touch and she hasn’t. It’s not a massive deal but it’s annoying. If I was the other mum I would be apologetic when I realised I’d failed to do what I said - but some people just aren’t!

Surprised how many people say ‘just text her!’ Sure, OP could do, but doesn’t that feel a little bit like inviting yourself round?

But I would text and ask if they are still free and invite them round to mine. That way you are not being rude and it also gives her a jog to remember, if she genuinely had forgotten:

@Isitreallythough Exactly this!

"Just checking if it's still okay to come around tomorrow with the little one, about 2 if that's okay? Totally fine if you're busy or not up for it though, if so just let me know and I'll arrange something else for dd and we'll come by another time"

As a frequent forgetter this is something I send and receive whenever there are plans to meet others. Makes sure we're all on the same schedule and leaves it open for anyone to duck out if they're not up for it that day.

Move on she's not interested or maybe her daughter's aren't

I've been waiting for 4 months now for another mum to arrange a meet & greet for our kids & we live on the same street! Its one excuse after another. Now, whenever she says "let's do next Tuesday" I politely nod & smile but don't put it in the diary as I know it won't happen. At the end of the day, it's simply not a priority. If people wanted to make a playdate happen then they would.

Why would you not just message her the day before and ask if she's still up for a meet up?

Totally agree, OP, I wouldn't lower myself by appearing to beg for an invite either, & why should you invite her round to yours when it was all her idea in the first place? She's rude & annoying, & setting a hell of an example to her daughter for the future.

Just text her the night before and ask

Does the mum have ADHD? My ex-BFF had this she would do it all the time, in the end my DC’s would joke about it. I think you just have to be honest with your DD turn it into a joke noted that some people are just like that, and then invite the child around to yours for a play date instead.

I’d def text a few days before saying which day was best for you, dd is really looking forward to it.

How often has her child played in your home?

You keep saying her invitations fall flat?

What happens with your invitations to your home or the local park or wherever you're comfortable entertaining children?

OP shouldn’t have to message her a reminder. Surely it’s up to the invitee to finalise the plans.

@PennyPickles60 Exactly

Exactly this. Whenever my dc have had flaky plans from their DF mum to come for a play date, with no date forthcoming, I’ve always asked them to text me a reminder the day before. If the invitee doesn’t text I allow my dc to invite other friends round to ours for a play date.

If I don’t hear from the mum I consider them to be doing something else and therefore her dc are not available.

Of course it's not, people have busy lives. I often forget to check in with people I've arrange to do something with. It's weird to not check in, especially after making a date and it not happening previously.

I have a very lovely mum friend who has ADHD, she is awful at remembering things and I would always message her (often via multiple ways) if a meet up had been mentioned.
I'd make sure it was in my diary and do check-ins a couple of days running beforehand.
Very often playdates would still be forgotten about even with all the chasing up!

Why not take the initiative and invite her kids round to your house to play?

I'd do this. Or I'd text to say hey shall we still meet? It's not a formal occasion, it's a playdate and a cuppa.

Maybe she’s waiting for you to invite to our place , sounds like a plan

Opps your place

The easy solution is to invite her child to yours and suggest a date and time. I don't understand why you feel it has to be at her house first before you can extend an invite.

Of course she shouldn't have to. But OP seems bothered that the dates never happen, so it is one option to move things along.

This thread is mental. Imagine going up to a lady who is friendly and invites you to get house and saying 'stop inviting me and my child in chit chat as its upsetting us'? It's absolutely batshit. But several posters have seriously suggested versions of it.

A million (approx) posters have said what normal people who see other normal mums do, which is absent-mindedly say about a playdate, and then one or other remembers to text before to actually sort out details.

But OP is adamant that texting to check, or (even worse) inviting the mum and child over themselves CANNOT be done. That is what the rest of us do all the time. I can't remember who said we'll get Bobby and Johnny together and I can't remember whose house, so I just invite them here. If occasionally the kids make friends and the parents don't invite us around, I assume their house is currently a state and I invite them here or out somewhere. Just unclench and be nice and stop worrying about it. Facilitate friendship for your kids - that's your job.

Stop telling your daughter until you've made solid plans. Just msg the Mum and follow up, even if it means you're inviting them over to yours.