Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend dress sense

127 replies

Poppalina37 · 03/04/2024 19:07

I really don't want to get burned for this!

I've met the most wonderful man.....

Except the way he dresses gives me the ICK....

I'm not exactly fashionable but I wear a lot of Joules, and Boden. I'm 42, he's 49. Generally look smart, well kept, nice hair and nails.

He wears tracksuits; joggers and hoody's... he has a rather large stomach too... so this attire may help cover his shape.

I visited friends over the weekend and this came up.... we weren't slagging him off.... I just mentioned I found it difficult as I like a well dressed man.

This isn't a financial issue.... I believe he could afford better clothes.... I could also afford to take him shopping. I just have no idea how to do that.

Also, I'd be gutted if he hated how I dressed.

Advice please x

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 03/04/2024 19:11

Is he open to being ‘styled’?

PossumintheHouse · 03/04/2024 19:11

How long have you been seeing him? You can always make gentle suggestions about the kind of clothes you like, but that's your lot.
His choice of clothes are part of his personality, so you need to decide whether it's compatible with you or not.

Wishimaywishimight · 03/04/2024 19:14

Has he got a birthday coming up? If so, buy him something?

Then start to point out things when you're out shopping; "That would look great on you" sort of thing

Legoninjago1 · 03/04/2024 19:14

Ha! I get this! I very slightly and subtly styled DH when I met him ... just on a few things that were a little bit of a turn off! He was pretty cool about it !

muckcook · 03/04/2024 19:17

Maybe he doesn't like how you dress either? I personally find Boden and Joules on the frumpy side and don't think it looks smart. But you like it and that's what matters doesn't it?

He presumably likes to dress comfortably like you do. I once heard you only get the ick about stuff like this when you don't actually like them and haven't pinpointed what part of his personality you don't like or aren't compatible with.

ShrubRose · 03/04/2024 19:17

Is he tidy in other aspects of his life?

DanielGault · 03/04/2024 19:18

YAB so U.

BeretRaspberry · 03/04/2024 19:24

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all really. So many times on these threads people mention how we all find different things attractive etc and that seems to be one of your things.

It’s probably a bit unreasonable to talk to your friends about it if it’s negatively but I suppose that’s what we do, don’t we? That’s what friends are for etc.

I don’t think it would be nice or fair of you to mention it so you probably need to decide whether you can carry on based on who he is, including his clothes.

StormingNorman · 03/04/2024 19:24

can you make suggestions about slightly different versions of what he wears. Is it sweatshirts in general you dislike, or the particular ones he wears?

my OH recently got a lovely one from RM Williams with a collar and wooden toggles (sounds horrific I know). Beaufort & Blake and Polo also do some relatively smart ones.

SummaLuvin · 03/04/2024 19:24

even if you drop hints, buy him presents, and try to 'style' him it might not work. It's not like you are simply suggesting a wider cut of jean or more updated styles, it's quite a fundamental change to go from joggers and hoodies to smart clothes - the way they feel is completely different.

BobbyBiscuits · 03/04/2024 19:26

Haha. Joules. Tell him to start shopping there.

dullestofall · 03/04/2024 19:26

I’d say take him as he is - assuming he has good hygiene and the clothes are clean or leave him -

How did he dress on the 1st few dates?

I don’t have lots of clothes and the ones I have are boring - my BF has a good sense of style and a great wardrobe (and more shoes than me), since I met him, I became more interested in having a bit more style and I’m slowly building a better wardrobe but he has never said anything to me and I have no clue what he thinks of my dresss sense.

Celticliving · 03/04/2024 19:30

I think YABVVVU.

If your BF told you that he didn't like what you wear and asked you to change your style, the responses on here would be very, very different.

kaiadeluded · 03/04/2024 19:30

Does he wear certain labels of joggers & hoodies or is it just any old thing thrown together? Is he into urban fashion & music and therefore that kind of look or is he just into 'comfort dressing'.
Joggers & hoodies can actually look good if styled well or they can look really scruffy. Which is your man??

Personally I think he sounds ok. I wear the smart version of urban sportswear when I feel like it. I would not be seen dead in joules, sorry.
I want a nice 49 year old man. They're in short supply! Send him to me if you don't want him.

Begsthequestion · 03/04/2024 19:35

I don't care how a partner dresses as long as I think they look good.

You don't think he looks good, so I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Not sure what you can do though. Maybe drop some hints about clothing you like? You'll be able to tell from his reaction whether he'd be receptive or not.

Scorchio84 · 03/04/2024 19:38

To premise this I am not a regular on a FROW at London Fasion Week but how did you both find each other attractive at the start? Like my OH & I met in a non dating way, meaning we didn't meet in a pub/bar/cafe where we were all spruced up so I get that, also I know he can scrub up at appropriate times... like we all can! I just I know I'd have a problem if he started talking about "more dresses... less skinny, ripped jeans"

If he has deplorable dress sense (socks, board shords & sandals) then yes of course have a shopping trip

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 03/04/2024 19:40

Let the poor bugger wear what the fuck he wants

greengreyblue · 03/04/2024 19:42

What attracted you to him? Surely his style is part of him and how come you looked past it in the first place?

Jc2001 · 03/04/2024 19:52

He's in his 40s it's part of his personality. He's not going to change now (and why should he?) so if it's that much of a 'ick' for you then just move on and stop trying to change him.

Princesspollyyy · 03/04/2024 19:54

lol... Joules and Boden? Would you be ok if he said he thought you dressed frumpy and a bit mumsy?

ThePoshUns · 03/04/2024 19:55

Joules gives me the ick and I'm way older than you both.

Horses for courses.

NewName24 · 03/04/2024 20:13

Celticliving · 03/04/2024 19:30

I think YABVVVU.

If your BF told you that he didn't like what you wear and asked you to change your style, the responses on here would be very, very different.

This.
Completely.

The double standards on MN are staggering.

You've said I've met the most wonderful man..... and he's 49. Generally look smart, well kept, nice hair and nails.

So it seems there are no hygiene issues.

I can't state how unreasonable you are being.

Begsthequestion · 03/04/2024 20:16

NewName24 · 03/04/2024 20:13

This.
Completely.

The double standards on MN are staggering.

You've said I've met the most wonderful man..... and he's 49. Generally look smart, well kept, nice hair and nails.

So it seems there are no hygiene issues.

I can't state how unreasonable you are being.

Show quote history

But she hasn't told him anything.

LlynTegid · 03/04/2024 20:24

He is not a wonderful man if he lacks basic personal self respect to dress as he does. You could forgive it perhaps if he was on the breadline.

The UK has some of the most badly dressed people in the world. It is a national shame up there with Brexit.

Begsthequestion · 03/04/2024 20:26

LlynTegid · 03/04/2024 20:24

He is not a wonderful man if he lacks basic personal self respect to dress as he does. You could forgive it perhaps if he was on the breadline.

The UK has some of the most badly dressed people in the world. It is a national shame up there with Brexit.

Edited

Hehehe very good.