Boyfriend dress sense

[Poppalina37]

I really don't want to get burned for this!

I've met the most wonderful man.....

Except the way he dresses gives me the ICK....

I'm not exactly fashionable but I wear a lot of Joules, and Boden. I'm 42, he's 49. Generally look smart, well kept, nice hair and nails.

He wears tracksuits; joggers and hoody's... he has a rather large stomach too... so this attire may help cover his shape.

I visited friends over the weekend and this came up.... we weren't slagging him off.... I just mentioned I found it difficult as I like a well dressed man.

This isn't a financial issue.... I believe he could afford better clothes.... I could also afford to take him shopping. I just have no idea how to do that.

Also, I'd be gutted if he hated how I dressed.

Advice please x

I can understand how you feel, having been in the same position. When I met my DP his clothing style was a bit hit and miss, he also has the (non beer) belly and often wears hoodies/tracksuits! We were in our early 50s and I was a smarter dresser.

He was not particularly open to me restyling him (I’m a grown man and can dress myself!) and so my tweaks have had to be subtle but still within his range.
I make a point of saying when I think he looks great and have been quietly delighted when certain things become too worn to wear.
I realised when we were on our last holiday that all the shirts he had packed were ones I had bought for him so progress has been made.

The reality is that there are times when I have to just roll my eyes and accept that he is dressed like a clown, no point telling him because he won’t get changed if I object to his appearance.
For boring health reasons I have now had to change my footwear choices which really affects my own style, he doesn’t care because I am comfortable.
We adore each other so it’s worth the price. If all else is right, you would be daft to walk away for such lightweight reasons.

He has mentioned that he needs to lose his stomach... but hasn't done anything about that, yet!

just leave him alone, it’s not just the clothes, you clearly don’t like his physique either. There’s probably other things you don’t like either. It’s fine for you to not be attracted to him but it sounds like you’re trying to force something because he’s a decent guy. It’s ok for that to bother you, but it’s not ok to be waiting for him to change.

I was going to say almost exactly this. You haven't just judged his clothes.
Do you actually like him for who he is, or for who he could be if you tweeked him a bit...

I keep wondering this too. Around the house or going for a walk in the park, tracksuits are comfortable and appropriate. In a relationship you're going to see each other in your casual wear more often than dressed up so it might seem as though tracksuits are his default. Wearing tracksuits to a restaurant or dinner party is less acceptable though.

As for tweaking his style, there's a big difference between doing so in a controlling way and doing so in a positive way. One of my male friends actually stopped dating a woman recently because he felt she was trying to change his style to Tory boy red trousers and blazers etc - very much not him. But he said that it wasn't like an old ex he had when he was around 20 who basically taught him a few fundamentals of dressing well - paying attention to cuts, telling him which colours suited him, pointing him to the right shops. At that point he was very much in the market for a bit of a makeover. It comes down to why they dress the way they already do and are they interested in changing it.

@StormingNorman what you describe is different though, OP has said her boyfriends dress sense gives her the ick. I don't like everything my boyfriend wears , and he wears joggers abit too much for my liking ( I think he looks nicer in jeans) but he never gives me the ick and I get that joggers are more comfortable. He will wear smarter clothes though for a restaurant or date night. What about your boyfriend OP, does he wear jeans if you go out to somewhere abit smarter, or is he constantly in joggers?

If you've got the ick you've got the ick. No amount of snappy dressing and tummy training is going to get you over that.
Turn the poor bloke loose and let him find someone who doesn't mind a joggers and a belly and find someone more to your style

You don’t like a man who dresses well. You like your boyfriend.

If we go out for dinner he will wear joggers and a jumper/hoody.

On Mother's Day we were meeting friends at a hotel for drinks.... he wore the same type of thing but had dried baked bean stains down his front.... I guess I was hoping he may have dressed smarter.

It doesn't feel like I should end things....

A tracksuit on a 49 year old would give me the massive Ick! My husband wears one at the gym and is 35 but anywhere else no!! We know a man who wears one all the time, he’s about 45 and fat so I think it’s a comfort thing.

Anyone over 15 wearing a tracksuit IMO out of the gym just No!!

however I don’t like Boden or Joules, sounds frumpy to me!

Baked bean stains and joggers for a mother's day meal! 😱

Oh no at 49 he should have some idea this isn't right. Next time you go somewhere nicer I'd have the "What are you wearing?" conversation and just outright ask if he has something clean and smart to wear. If he says joggers I'd just be blunt and say its not really the occasion and shall we go to town and look for something.

Ignore all the jibes about Joules and Boden, you sound like you are capable of dressing completely appropriately.

To those saying they should break up over this:

Yes, I'm sure he'd thank you for that.

Rather than perhaps gifting him a gap sweater, or buying him some nice jeans you saw on sale - and gently showing him different fashions, I'm sure he'd prefer op simply break up with him. Er- yeah.

lol I’m mid 40s and wear trackies and hoodies most of the time. I wouldn’t. Be seen dead in joules or Boden as I think they’re really frumpy and mumsy
If my partner tried to style me into a more middle aged look I’d probably find it really funny but I wouldn’t change the way I dressed.
If his hygiene is a problem then mention it, otherwise leave him alone or find someone more suited to you

Honestly, that’s just dreadful. He doesn’t care. What a turnoff.

Different people have different styles, though I must say I find joggers rather a turn off, especially if they're the grey floppy type. And I do prefer it when people dress up a bit for going out, though I realise it's a dying habit.

Baked bean stains is a step too far though - unpleasant and disrespectful. I wouldn't let that one go without comment.

Feels interesting this has only been mentioned 111 posts in, when most people are thinking YABU......

Can't help thinking this if it is true would have been quite relevant to mention at the start.

@NewName24

I have no reason to lie... I didn't think it was worth mentioning as I felt that he probably didn't realise given how large his stomach is.

He isn't usually dirty. My post wasn't about him being dirty... this was an isolated incident.. the joggers and jumpers aren't.

I feel the Mother's Day attire was a massive 🤪🤪🤪🤪 and the beans stains were just the icing on the cake!

Maybe it is over...... I'm clearly not in a great place mentally..... or feeling confident because I feel like ending things is really extreme!

I guess when you fall in love with someone you accept this type of thing.... I'm not there yet.

It sounds like his very large stomach is as big an issue for you as the clothing choices so there are two things about him that are a big turn off for you. I think you're hanging on because he’s a nice person and it’s hard to meet available, nice men of that age. In my view it’s not fair to him to try and force yourself to find him attractive when you don’t. I wouldn’t want a partner who felt that way about me would you? I don’t think this relationship has legs. Perhaps being friends would be a better option if he’s open to that after some time apart? Friendships are just as valuable as “Boyfriends” in my view and if you treat him with respect and kindness he might want to stay in contact with you.

As someone who also wears Joules and Boden, I think many would think your dress sense is frumpy and a bit garish.

Yeah.... I get that.... but I'm 5:8 and a size 14.....maybe people could use Google image and look at their models! Because I can assure you I do not look frumpy! But hey this post is about how my boyfriend dresses and asking for advice! I'm forever complimented about how I'm dressed! Good job my self esteem isn't wrapped up in the advice of people I've never met online!
Started the post with .. I don't want to get flamed...... but out come the keyboard warriors!

Thank you to all of those who have actually experienced this and given me some great advice x

@Poppalina37 If you really dont want to end, just talk to him. Come from a place of curiosity. Ask him why he likes that style. Tell him all the good things you like about him but being honest, you wished he would put more effort the way you do.
If you do it right he may not get offended and if he does it shows he is immature and can’t take feedback, understand your perspectives AND is not secure in who he is.

YANBU to dislike his dress sense. YWNBU to end it if it is putting you off him.
YABU to try to nudge him into looking how you want him to, and to carry on with the relationship if you know that you won't be able to get past his look if you fail to tweak it.

As you've suggested, I've just done a google image on Joules / Boden women's and as I thought, this is typical of their womenswear style.

Quite frumpy, but that's just my opinion.

Hmmm. I'm a size 8 and I still appreciate it might be classed as frumpy on me. Not that I care. It's comfortable and I stay away from the super patterns. But still it's hardly high fashion to be judging others so hard.

Though the food stains on his clothes would put me right off

I agree with this.
I am sure we all know lots of people who are nice people, who we get on with and like spending time with. but it needs something more to be a 'relationship'. That 'spark' or 'chemistry' or desire to have a physical relationship.
It is difficult to define, or at least put into words what it is about your partner that makes you fancy them or be attracted to them in a different way from you are your friends. It appears you are missing it here. Which isn't a criticism of you, or of him, but if the spark isn't there then it isn't there.

Started the post with .. I don't want to get flamed...... but out come the keyboard warriors!

You can't really start a thread on the internet and insist people only put the answers you want to hear. A lot of people find the act of judging people by what they wear quite offensive. Others don't. The key is to find a partner that thinks the same as you. However, if you express views in public (ie on the internet) then you will find people who agree and also people whose views are quite different from yours.

Boden and Joules are not exactly fashionable 🙈 Maybe he would prefer if you dressed differently.

I don’t think women would be so supportive if it was a man saying he didn’t like the way his girlfriend dressed and wanted to change her. Especially if he described her as having a “rather large stomach” 😬