Boyfriend dress sense

[Poppalina37]

I really don't want to get burned for this!

I've met the most wonderful man.....

Except the way he dresses gives me the ICK....

I'm not exactly fashionable but I wear a lot of Joules, and Boden. I'm 42, he's 49. Generally look smart, well kept, nice hair and nails.

He wears tracksuits; joggers and hoody's... he has a rather large stomach too... so this attire may help cover his shape.

I visited friends over the weekend and this came up.... we weren't slagging him off.... I just mentioned I found it difficult as I like a well dressed man.

This isn't a financial issue.... I believe he could afford better clothes.... I could also afford to take him shopping. I just have no idea how to do that.

Also, I'd be gutted if he hated how I dressed.

Advice please x

The point is that it's not your place to 'fix' someone else's bloody choice of clothes! 'start showing him nice clothes frequently '.... He's not a toddler or a dog. He can choose his own clothes fgs. If OP finds them so offensive, she can go elsewhere.

You’ve only just started going out and he gives you the ick? My dh dresses like an extra from Top Boy but he doesn’t give me the ick. I couldn’t get him into deck shoes and a colourful sweater tied about his shoulders any more than he could get me into Breton tops, yellow macs and converse. You can’t just restyle an adult like you can a toddler.

Must be the 'teacher' in me 😂

Your reasons are as good as anyone's, if you don't like someone you don't like them, it can be really minor things.

How someone dresses isn't particularly minor.

All of this.

If you have the ick, let him go find someone who finds him wonderful without wanting to change him.

Jeans would be an upgrade from joggers and then the hoodie might be ok?? Plus only changing one thing…

If it helps I started seeing a guy in the winter- we’d been getting close through the autumn- and we fell in love in the spring.

Summer time rolls around and I’m aghast to see him putting sandals on over socks. (This was in the 90s.) I literally stood there thinking Am I such a shallow person that I’m going to refuse to leave the house with him unless he changes footwear?

Dear reader, I am. Good luck OP!

Jouls and boden give me the ick

OP hasn't said where she sees this fella. If they go to gardening club together and he turns up in an Asda trackie that seems like a fairly sensible option. If they have been to a wine tasting evening or a theatre production and he is head to toe in grey marl cotton jersey, then I'm sure most women of a certain age would raise an eyebrow.

Tracksuits might be fashionable and the new designer wear for trendy 20 somethings, but and Asda trackie on a 49 year old man who has piled on a few pounds isn't going to be making many of us swoon, let's face it.

There is a good chance he has just ended up finding his "thin" clothes tight and not learnt to dress himself for his new shape. Much like the accounts you read on here of women in a leggings and baggy top rut after the baby years.

There's plenty of men his age who never had much interest in shopping and styling themselves and happily let their girlfriends and wives spruce them up a bit. It wouldn't put me off unless he is wearing trackies to every event because he really bloody loves them. It's quite unlikely though, I think. OP you need to get to the bottom about his thoughts on this and decide from there.

Relationships are all based on some sorts of compromises. And this is a small one. OP can do whatever she pleases. She is not in a relationship with you.

Joggers and t shirts and hoodies are nice comfy daytime clothes and they are fine as long as they are clean with no holes.
I couldn't get too worked up about this. Buy him a nice shirt for his birthday if you like.

I don't mind Boden myself but I had to see what mens clothes they sell and it all looks a bit 'Tory boy!' I think this would actually give me the ick more than trackies!

She can choose to accept the man or decide that he's not for her. He's entitled to his own choice of clothes. She's entitled to find them not to her taste. She's also entitled to make of that what she will and make her own decisions based on that. And, thanks, I was aware she's not in a relationship with me. She asked AIBU, I answered.

Ha! You should see my scruffbag.

Thing is, I really couldn't care less.

He can wear what he likes. It's none of my business. Today he was rocking holey jeans and a Dr. Who T shirt (that I bought him tbf)

As long as he isn’t very scruffy, unhygienic or puts absolutely no effort into appearance, I really don’t think his “style” is a big deal.

You are not being unreasonable. Just try getting him to try other clothes.

People can get in a rut, start wearing clothes that others that they socialise with do.

Subtly smarten him up. 😀

Yanbu I would not be seen dead in public with my husband if he was wearing joggers and a hoodie. He has a few items he’s not allowed to wear if he’s out with me as it’s so embarrassing!

He actually sounds trendier than you OP. Sorry!

Don’t try and “style” a 49 year old man. He’s an adult with feelings, not a doll. Chances are he doesn’t care for your style either.

Just be honest and point out your incompatibility in this area and see what he says.

I think when you’re older and embarking on a new ‘middle aged relationship’, you don’t have the shared experience of the more fashionable 20s and 30s where you then grow up with a person and forgive them sliding into trackies and hoodies; and so you want a man to present his best version of himself, as I’m sure you want to too. So it’s kind of disappointing if you feel they are not making an effort. That said, if he is settled in his ways, he’s not likely to be hugely enthused by someone suggesting he pop on a nice shirt and chinos. I say this as someone in my 50s who was dating a man last year who only seemed to have shiny nylon tops and Skechers since his workplace had relaxed the dress code, and my heart would sink a little when I’d dress up for a nice dinner out and he was wearing JD Sports.

I mean, this is AIBU. You are literally inviting judgement! Maybe you would find more useful advice in the Style section.

I'm not sure how you have looked past something that gives you the ick to be honest. Isn't the very definition of the ick that you've been put right off someone.

The only thing I would suggest is that maybe you take it on an individual event basis - eg 'we're going to that posh restaurant next week, so I think we should make and effort and get dressed up. Do you have a nice shirt you can wear?' Or maybe seen if he is up for going shopping together (although most blokes I know would rather stick pins in their eyes!). But shop for you rather than him but maybe if you pass anything nice, suggest he give it a try. It might be that he dresses in joggers because that's all he wants to wear. But it might be he's just at a bit of a loss of what to try.

Errr excuse me!! What’s wrong with Asda clothes?😂😂

You dropped a lot of designer names into your post. You’re clearly materialistic and he isn’t. You can’t change him to fit your mold.

When I hear Joules I automatically think of wellies with bees on them

He wears tracksuits; joggers and hoody's

DP used to dress like this at times when we first met. Complete with the dreaded baseball cap. Clean and tidy though. I liked him so dropped subtle hints here and there. He's changed his style now thankfully. Still wears tracksuits very occasionally, but nicer well made ones. & hes not above subtly telling me if he doesn't much like something I'm wearing either. Its fine, I don't mind. In your shoes I wouldn't write this man off so quickly, if he's nice. I know some will say he shouldn't be expected to change his dress sense for you, but we live in the real world and know it doesn't always work like that.

My late OH was like this when we first met. He said he didn't care about how he looked, just that he wanted to be comfortable.

We compromised - we went clothes shopping. He'd pick out a bunch of items he found comfortable and I'd pick the 1-2 items that suited him well and we slowly replaced his wardrobe a few items at a time. After a couple of years I thought he looked awesome all the time.

Have you tried talking to him about it to see if there is a reason he dresses this way and if he is open to change?

There are some hilarious responses on this thread. I like to think that I’m not shallow but I can sympathize as I recently met a man who seemed lovely and interested however his dress sense did put me off, he was wearing beaded bracelets like a kid might wear and had very styled facial hair, there were a few other things I felt a bit judgy about also so I thought it was best not to pursue a relationship as there will be someone else out there who will appreciate him fully without the niggling criticisms. As someone mentioned earlier the way people dress may say something about them that signals part of their personality, perhaps there are other things that are bothering you about him that the casual style represents, eg. do you feel that he’s lazy? It does seem that when you get older a lot of men have big beer bellies which if I’m honest I do find an alarming prospect, if it’s the right person though you probably wouldn’t mind maybe?