10 year old alone after school?

[Picklelicklemk]

In a bit of a pickle. Our DC becomes too old for a local nursery we use for after school in a couple of months. I don't finish work until 5pm and home for 5.30pm.

School finishes at 3.15pm what am I supposed to do to bridge the gap? Is 10 too young to be alone? DC is fairly sensible and trustworthy but just seems so young!

No family or friends we can rely on.

What do other people do for after school care when their DC hit this age? TIA

That is absolutely not ok by any means!

Up to two hours was considered acceptable where we were for 8 or 9 year old children. So the occasional extra half an hour was generally considered too long, yes. However, he knew multiple neighbours well if needed, he was happy with the set up, and it was the best choice for our family.

Where I live (uk semi rural) children walk to and from school from year 4. I'd say a good proportion of children from year 5 onwards go home to an empty house for an hour or two. It is not illegal.

So I would say yes under some circumstances. Is there a phone, a trustworthy neighbor, and a great grasp on saftey and emergency procedures. I would see if she has a feeind she can visit after school and make an agreement w the parents. Thats what my mom did

It's not the going home alone that would worry me - presumably parents assess the risk regarding distance, route, personality etc.

Young children really don't like letting themselves into an empty house and then fending for themselves for a couple of hours - it's lonely, particularly if they have to do it every day, not just the occasional one-off.

Are there local clubs you can put them in: brownies, drama etc? Taxis or lift share with other parents?

I'm going to say 11 years old in September is old enough to be left alone for this period of time.

Best wishes , op

At that age I had a local teen go home with my two. She did homework herself just on sight. She was 14. Is this an option?

Oh god, the hysteria on this thread.

Personally, I think it's fine in theory. My 10/11 year old in year 6 would have been totally fine with this. BUT.. for him, I think every day would have been a bit much. So I'd probalby have looked for an after school activity he could take himself to once or twice a week (or tag along with a friend).

However DD is much better at being alone so I can imagine she'd be fine with this when she reaches 10/11.

You might want to do some building up ahead of this starting so it's not a complete shock to the system. Also, this is where mobile phones/alexas etc are so helpful. DS had to text me when he left somewhere and if he had been coming home alone I'd have made him text me when he got here. I also often dropped in using Alexa. We also did role play of what to do in certain situations.

I understand that @Simonjt is in a different country but frankly, I realyl wish the UK could be a bit more European in its approach. This ridiculous paranoia around children is bizarre. My SIL, on moving to a new country, was taken aside by the teacher when DN was 6 to say it was time she left him to walk alone!

Bit OTT. Some 10-11 yr olds will be fine, others not. I would have been fine, my brother would have left the door wide open and gone out to play. Each child is different. Thought: Why do we infantilise children that a generation ago would have been left with no problem? Our local school-Primary kids met off the bus to the village. All the sec. school kids leave their bus and walk home alone. There's 6 weeks between them.

I did leave mine at home alone at that age now and again but it's young for it to be every day.

But if there's no other option then it's what you need to do OP

Are there no after school clubs around?

Actually reading your updates 10.5 years old in a small village - I'd be fine with that.

I understand that @Simonjt is in a different country but frankly, I realyl wish the UK could be a bit more European in its approach. This ridiculous paranoia around children is bizarre. My SIL, on moving to a new country, was taken aside by the teacher when DN was 6 to say it was time she left him to walk alone!

I wish it could be too! My child was left for 30 minutes on two days, and (most commonly) 90 minutes on two more days (occasionally an hour longer on the second day). He was not a neglected child. That second job enabled me to pull us out of poverty. The paranoia and judgement needs to stop.

Childminder
After school club

There's no way around it.

Thanks all, it's gave me a good perspective moving forward. At the school DC goes to Y4 are allowed to walk to and from school alone. Very small community, think less than 70 kids from nursery to Y6.

Absolutely.

We got a lot of judgement because we let DS walk home from about half way through year 5. Either he'd be stopped by random parents to check why he was alone (mildly annoying although I did appreciate the general community spirit of keeping an eye out) or me/DH would receive text messages. It was so frustrating. He was 10 years old, sensible and alert.

Don't get me wrong, he got a bit scared sometimes. But actually, that was helpful. He learnt to navigate those moments too in a relatively safe environment. And all of this was driven by him - it's not like we were forcing him to do something he didn't want to do. We allowed him to do something he was desperate to do, supported him by offering a way in, offered advice when he needed it and were proactively at the end of the phone (like the time the Amazon man banged on the door more than once and DS got a fright! )

I tend to agree. Where we are there is a first, middle and high school system rather than primary and secondary. As a result the natural cutoff for kids to start gaining more independence has become Y5 rather than Y7. It’s weird round here not to leave kids alone/let them walk home alone from 9 when they get to middle school. It’s clearly weird elsewhere to do it before Y7. I think it being commonplace and it being a fairly densely populated area also leads to a bit more community support between parents than you might have otherwise.
I find it a bit sad so many people are appalled at the concept of KS2 kids being competent, sensible and confident enough to manage things on their own. I personally think it’s great and that the kids really enjoy being trusted with more independence over time.

My smallest DC walks home from school the days me and DH are working. In a bad week that's 3 days. The longest she's on her own is about an hour as older DC arrives in from school then. Started this at 9 and a half. She has her own key and all our neighbours know she can be in on her own and at least one is always available if any issues.

I think this is all very dependent on the DC themselves, and how you feel as a parent what's appropriate for your family. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Could you get an older person to look after them in their own home for an hour a night? Maybe cheaper than a child minder?

I think it’s fine. DS2 was only 11 in the August and getting the bus home and home alone for 2hrs. If we lived close enough to walk in primary he would have practised in year 6

It’s got nothing to do with being sensible
its to do with being small, vulnerable and needing to be looked after and cared for.

too many variables for a 9 year old to make their way home and then care for themselves for 2.5 hours

Really inappropriate . It’s not the 80s anymore

I’ve probably watched too many crime documentaries but I’d never in a million years leave a child on their own. But that’s just me.

They manage because they have no choice.

I wouldn't dream of expecting this of my own 10 year old.

I suspect those who are ok with it foster independence and confidence blah blah...

Meanwhile youngsters are being left to fend for themselves when they are far too young to be left alone.

From Yr 5 around here the school allows children to walk home on their own if parents give permission. They need to learn some independence skills little by little. When I was 11 my Mum was teaching and our neighbour was a nurse. All 5 of us (2 of her’s and 3 of my Mum’s would be left at home) if our Mum’s both had to work. Shock horror all day! My brothers would have been 10 and 13. We were fine. Either our neighbour would nip home between her district round or my Dad would pop home in his lunch hour from the factory. If he did I would be expected to make him lunch - a banquet of bread and butter and campbells soup from a can, the kind where you had to add milk or water by filling up the empty can! Anyway we were fine - played and watched TV.

When I was growing up (1980s) this seemed pretty regular and with my sibling walked home from school around this age. Alone after school and sometimes during holidays.

But things were a lot safer back then. I wouldn’t have done this with mine even 2 decades ago.
There’s no moral right or wrong but I think it’s realistic to acknowledge this comes with a risk(?)