10 year old alone after school?

[Picklelicklemk]

In a bit of a pickle. Our DC becomes too old for a local nursery we use for after school in a couple of months. I don't finish work until 5pm and home for 5.30pm.

School finishes at 3.15pm what am I supposed to do to bridge the gap? Is 10 too young to be alone? DC is fairly sensible and trustworthy but just seems so young!

No family or friends we can rely on.

What do other people do for after school care when their DC hit this age? TIA

its fine - if child is happy to do so. IMO, it’s no less safe now than 30 years ago - it’s that we hear about things more through social media and media in general. The vast majority of harm to children comes from someone they know rather than total strangers.
You need to work, you dont earn all that much (female centric industry I’m assuming) and the difference in income is probably whether your child is fed, or has more heat/warm clothes. Put in fall back mechanisms - someone to call on, walk them through scenarios - and then give them the opportunity to practice an enhanced degree of independence.

What do you think happened in the 80s? We walked to school from the age of 5 in our village and when we moved to London (I was 7) my mum took me on the first day and then sent me alone. We knew who the dodgy people were and were mostly in a group. Nothing happened.

No, I haven't name changed. My other posts will tell you my occupation but I am absolutely happy with their teachers, social services, CPS, etc knowing. Have you personally spoken to professionals from these organisations about children being home alone? I have and that's how we came to the decision that this was the best option for our child.

All this hysteria about an 11 year old being on their own for 2 hours in their own home. If your child is sensible enough to be able to unlock the door on their own and sit on an ipad / TV for the time then go for it. We all did it years ago!

My own kids did too and only 10 years ago.

School Safeguarding Lead here. It's not quite as simple as "this is neglect" or "it isn't neglect". There are a lot of variables and context is very important. One of the biggest challenges in safeguarding is making a distinction between a parent neglecting their child and parenting that is not ideal or in line with how I or my colleagues would personally parent our children. There are many things I would personally not wish for my children that do not come under the category of neglect or abuse.

At the school where I work Teachers will not release a child to walk home alone until Year 5. That is school policy. Once they are in Year 5 parents can send in written permission for them to walk/cycle home independently if they wish.
If someone came to me with a concern that a 10 year old child was going home to an empty house and would be there alone until their adult returned later in the evening I would speak to the parent, and the child to establish the following:

What time will the parent usually be home? If it's 5.30/6pm that's very different to it being so late into the evening that the child is unable to have dinner or go to bed at a reasonable time.

How does the child feel about being left alone? If they are distressed or worried by the situation that would be a concern.

Do they have access to a landline or mobile so they can seek help in the event of a problem?

Does the child understand what they would need to do in the event of an emergency and can they explain this confidently?

Has the child sustained any injury or harm as a result of being left unsupervised?

How far away from home does their parent work and are they contactable? If they're not able to get back quickly in the event of a problem I would expect them to have a neighbour/relative/family friend on 'standby' that the child could easily get in touch with.

This would also need to be considered in the context of the child's general presentation. Are they generally happy, well rested, clean and well turned out? Are they generally on time for school and is their homework being done? Rightly or wrongly, if the child is happy, seems to be progressing well and there were no other safeguarding concerns then I can guarantee that Children's Services would not be interested in a capable 10 year old being on their own for a couple of hours each afternoon after school.

You can give up your job, rely on benefits and mollycoddle your child like the pearl clutchers. Or you can find a schoolfriend's parents who are happy to have your child to play ( reciprocate when not working). Or you can start preparing your child now to be more resilient and independent than their peers. So start to leave them in the house for 15 minutes at a time while you are nearby. Then up it to 30 minutes. Show them where they can get food and a cold drink and impress on them they are not to touch a cooker.

Teach them how to summon help, including dialing 999. We started to teach ours this at a much younger age, you may also have already done so. They need to give their name, location, phone number and the problem.

Walk the route to school, even if it is not a school day, with them alone in front of you.

Explain to them why you need to do this, that it's not ideal but neither is being broke.

A sensible, rational answer from someone who clearly knows what they are talking about. 👏

Only if you make decisions for your child based on the (very low) bar of a safe guarding/neglect concern.

10 seems to young to me - I think if they were home and you had to go out during that time for a couple of hours to work it wouldn't be so bad but it's the getting home from school bit that isn't great.

Could you see if there are any gcse /A'level students who have finished their exams and could do pick-up and stay til 5.30pm?

Or failing that you will need an after school nanny or childminder.

Rather than asking on Mumsnet, find out what other parents do in his year and maybe share childcare?

I wouldn't do this but I think it's just on the cusp of being acceptable. Two hours isn't particularly long. My main concern would be the walk home...how long is it? Then when they get home, what if they lose their door key? Will they remember to close the front door properly when they do get in?

Seriously don’t put too much weight on people who are name calling. I find that people who are genuinely comfortable with their own parenting decisions are able to be fairly objective about other parents doing things differently. People who are a bit insecure feel the need to insult and deride anyone doing something different. It’s unpleasant of them but it’s not worth being upset by. If they genuinely had any concern about your child as opposed to just wanting to make themselves feel good by bashing someone else their approach would be totally different.

@neverbeenskiing was responding specifically to the "neglect" accusations from what I can see. Words like that are very emotive.

Yep I think so too. Though goodness knows there is a vast gulf between “ideal parenting” & neglect and I don’t think it would be reasonable to suggest the only alternative to ideal is setting a very low bar 🙄. I really hope a small number of really unpleasant posters are not going to make the OP feel like she’s a crap parent in some way for considering this as an option to manage next year.

Look, in a years time he will be at high school. Walking there alone or getting a bus probably. I think this is an appropriate level of responsibility for his age. I would have some sort of tracking device on his phone so you can check where he is. And obviously be available if an emergency should arise. But there's not a lot of sense in shielding him from the world then expecting him to go out into it alone when high school comes around. Small steps towards independence.

I think it's fine. It's very easy for people who are often in privileged situations (with family, money or friends to support) to be judgemental. To call it 'neglect' is wild. Do what you think is best for your child.

In a years time nearly everyone will be doing this. It is extremely difficult to find childcare for children at 12 even if you want it.
OP you know your child best and how sensible they are. For a sensible child it is fine. The most likely issues will be they lose their key, so have a back up plan. Also tell them not to tell everyone at school they will be alone in the house - your DC does not want kids who are troublemakers knocking on the door. And tell them not to cook until you are home. But there really should not be any issue with this.

If he can no longer go to the club and you are saying childminders are not an option you don’t really have much choice. He’ll have to come home.
lots of children at the school I work in walk home alone from year 5.
if he is sensible this should be ok. You could look at the option of him walking home with a friend and then coming home a bit later so he’s on his own less?
or could you change your work hours to start and finish slightly earlier? Could you ask to work from home for the last 2 hours of the day?
is there a nice teenager up the road who could “babysit” him after school for pocket money?

When my daughter starts high school in a few years I expect she will be letting herself in and being home alone for an hour or so till OH and I get home from work, on the days I’m not WFH. This is due to lack of childcare for high school kids, and I’m guessing that’s pretty standard? Especially if no local family support. However we are in Scotland where I think kids start school a bit older than in England. She’ll be 11 but nearly 12.
I do think your lo sounds a little young at just 10/11 but so much depends on the maturity of the child. Do they have a friends house they can go to? Neighbour? At the end of the day if it’s what you have to do then all you can do is make it as safe as possible- eg make sure they can safely use the key, don’t be going out or having anyone in till you get home, emergency number, no cooking other than toaster till you get home (this of course depends on what stage they are at with this)

I think it depends on the child , the area you live in - how close to school etc .

I live far from my sons school as we never moved him when we move so he would have to get buses home , so no way for me ( my sons also 10, in y5 ) but I’m very lucky in the fact i have his nan who does drop offs and pickups for me and keeps him until I finish. I get home about 5 and he would get back here about 345/4 if Nan dropped him straight back and we have toyed with the idea of him being dropped home ( I do have a 17 year old who would be here from 430/445 ) but decided to leave it until he’s in y6 . Then see how we feel .

A lot of children in my son’s class walk home alone . I don’t know how I would feel about that as my son has never been out anywhere alone , not even the local shop .

I would say closer to 11 would be better but some children are more capable than others .

Realisticly - I think for most at that age , safety in the house isn’t an issue . I know my son would just be sat in his room on his game , just like he would be if I was there . He wouldn’t answer the door or anything . But , it’s things you don’t think of . I left 2 of my children in the house while we went to Tesco a 5 min drive away ( my 15 yr old and 10 yr old ) we’ve done it before and they have been fine , but we had a power cut and the alarm started going off and they both freaked out ! Called us crying and my husband had to drive back , leave me shopping , to sort it . Very unlikely thing to happen but something that could happen , just one of those things you don’t think of .

Also when i first started letting my older one come in alone from school ( she’s autistic but capable of that I was only getting home 20 min after her and had her dad around the corner , contactable by phone , neighbours who I knew well ) but one day her key just wouldn’t work in the door and she panicked and was calling me repeatedly, upset . So I did have to then change it to her getting dropped home to her dads and collecting her .

Is there anyone who could walk her home and help her get in ? Is there a neighbour who would be willing to just be there if something happened - that he could knock on to if worried about something ? Are you local to home and contactable - so that you could be on the phone to him if needed ? Could you get a ring camera so you can see and speak to him if there was a problem ? Could you get cameras in the home ?

It just all depends . I don’t think you are unreasonable for thinking about it - for some it would be totally unsafe , for others not .

For me , as it’s not a massive amount of time at home , it would be the concern of getting home from school rather than the concern of him being in the house alone for an hour or so x

Only you know how capable your child is. How well do you know your neighbours? Can they be on standby in case of emergency? Alternatively do you know any trustworthy teenagers who could babysit for a couple of hours? Much cheaper than childminder and likely to appreciate the pocket money. I found a young mum in our village who babysat for me in similar situation. Brought her toddler with her and was glad of the cash.

I think 10 is too young to be alone for several hours a day, even if they are sensible. It's too young to be sure of their decision making in an emergency, and too young to expect that level of independence.

We used a childminder. I would say that paying for childcare is essential, not optional.

So both my children are August born and turned 11 a couple of weeks before starting high school. But in reality only a couple of weeks younger than the OP’s child would be in y6. As I work part time they’ve had to adjust to walking to and from school themselves and being left in the house from about 7:15am until they leave for school and then again from after school until 5/5:30is when I get home from work. We did lots of practice at walking to and from school during the summer term of y6 when they were 10. And I started leaving them on the house alone for short periods of time whilst I went to the shops. BTW there’s 3 years between them both so I had to do this separately each time and do make sure they practised being home alone. More recently the 11 year old has had to go home from school and sort herself out til 7:30/8pm as I’ve gone straight from work to watch the eldest take part in an after school event. I just checked in with youngest by text now and again and she was fine.

Edited to add that our primary school changed their after school wrap around booking policy when my youngest was in y6. It used to be good for some parents who got their work shifts late or who were unexpectedly going to be occasionally late and they could ring up on the day and ask for them to be added to the after school list. You also could pick up anytime up until closing which was good for flexible finishes and getting stuck in traffic. But it changed to having to pre book and pay the week before. And stipulating what time you would collect to be charged accordingly. I had a couple of friends who this didn’t work for so they had to then just give their y6 10 year olds a key to let themselves in at home after school. Usually only for an hour or so.

I have twins who are ten in two weeks. They have been walking home (20 min walk) since October. They had the choice of asc, walking five mins to my work and waiting for me or walking home and up to an hour on their own. They chose the latter. They love the independence, friends and colleagues often say they see them walking and they’re very sensible about road crossing etc. They have phones and they walk some of the way with other friends in Y5. It’s totally fine. All these pearl clutchers help explain why so many of the secondary school kids I teach have zero independence and expect the teacher to do everything for them!

My DD now 12 has let herself in from the summer term of yr5. She's always been very independent and school was only a 2 minute walk away. I made sure I had my phone with me in case too. There's not a huge difference between 10 and 11 and as soon as she got to secondary, she had to make her own way home on 2 buses. I think it depends on each child and you know your own child.

When my dd was a similar age she used to go to our small local library until I could pick her up.