10 year old alone after school?

[Picklelicklemk]

In a bit of a pickle. Our DC becomes too old for a local nursery we use for after school in a couple of months. I don't finish work until 5pm and home for 5.30pm.

School finishes at 3.15pm what am I supposed to do to bridge the gap? Is 10 too young to be alone? DC is fairly sensible and trustworthy but just seems so young!

No family or friends we can rely on.

What do other people do for after school care when their DC hit this age? TIA

This was really common when I was a kid, not sure when it became so unreasonable. I wouldn’t be against it once they turned 11 but I’d try and break it up a bit. Night or two at after school activity. Try and finish early once a week type stuff.

Given that you've never met my child and don't know her upbringing at all; on what are you basing your comment that I am neglecting her?

It’s common where I am in the UK that kids walk to/from school & let themselves in from Y5.
Many of them are allowed to go to friends or the park or for a hot chocolate at the local supermarket cafe on the way home. Some will be home for 2-3 hours alone of an evening but most it’s more like 30-60 minutes. Knowing that was going to happen this school year we started building up to it from 7 onward.
My 7 year old can already work heating, make simple food, sort her packed lunch out, reset the internet, fix a tripped switch on fuse board, turn off the water at the stopcock and she knows how to contact us/her grandparents, neighbours she can call on for help if needed, how to dial 999 & how to open the doors/windows. It always surprises me how incapable lots of people seem satisfied for their 9/10/11 year old kids to be but I guess as you say it’s just horses for courses.

When I was young "latchkey" kids were not at all unusual and most were fine because they had been prepared for it by being trained in resilience There might be a friends house they could go to or they might have had to look after themselves or play out in the street with other such children.

When my kid was young there was a family nearby where both parents had to work to survive. The neighbours kept an eye out.

Nowadays kids can have a phone and summon help easily if they need it. We dont need to baby children as much as we do now.

Given that you've never met my child and don't know her upbringing at all; on what are you basing your comment that I am neglecting her?

Have you name-changed?

You've asked a question. Like everyone else on here I've given you an answer. If you're comfortable with letting your kid get themselves home and stay home alone for two hours every day go for it.

Would you be happy to ask their teachers, or the NSPCC or social services what their view was though?

Could you ask around or see on Facebook if there’s a teen babysitter in village eg a 16/17 yr old. Our young leaders in girlguides are first aid trained, sensible girls who would be perfectly suited to a little job like this.

How does your child feel about the idea of being home alone OP? That's the most important thing to consider, after considering whether or not you think they can be trusted.
But in all honesty I wouldn't even think twice at age 10 unless severe extra needs. I'm in Finland, pretty much all the kids start getting left alone for periods of time from 8 or 9 at the latest, usually at 6 or 7 when they start 1st grade.

Well you have said anyone leaving a 10 year child alone is neglecting them in a prior comment. You presumably think I’m also neglecting my 9 year old who lets herself in and stays alone for an hour one day a week.

To answer your questions their teachers would presumably think it was fine as it’s pretty normal for kids at the School, the NSPCC have a whole set of suggestions for how you know when your kids are ready to be left alone that my 7 year old would actually have met when she was 6 and I can’t imagine social services would particularly care when my daughter is happy, well adjusted and could clearly articulate what she’d do in case there was ever a problem.

Its fine you’d rather not leave your child at 9/10 or whatever age as you know them and what they can manage & would be comfortable with best but you are being really melodramatic and judgmental about other people making different choices and it’s just totally unnecessary.

So too old as of the new school year? If they were an August baby they'd be going into secondary and it's very common for just turned 11 year old secondary students to get themselves to and from school and be home alone for a couple of hours. Just cut them a key, hide another, they'll be fine.

As children me and my DB were home before my DM or DF (depending which was home first) quite often. We actually 'broke into' the house sometimes, there was a dodgy window and we didn't have a door key, we were fine. Both at junior school at the time. We had to catch a bus and walk a quiet lane to get home too.

10 does seem young but if schools are ok with this age group walking home alone (surely more of a risk, unless you have a child who'd experiment with forks in the toaster), then I think it's fine. My biggest concern (with a sensible child), would be loneliness. Is there anyone they can FaceTime when they get in? Just to have in the background, a grandparent or someone not working?

It isn't neglect. It depends on the child , if they are happy with the situation then fine.

Ah that brings back memories of "breaking into" my house. On Sundays after church I'd always want to go home and change out of the skirt my mum made me wear, so I'd go to the back door, stick my hand in through the letterbox and reach the key, pull it out and unlock the door. I had to do this because at first mum would give me the keys but I locked the keys inside the house too many times for her to trust me with them again

I did the same with my child from 9, but usually no longer than two hours until 10. Occasionally it was, he'd get home on the bus at 3:45 and I was home 30 minutes later from one job, up to two and a half hours from the other.

No it is not neglect! Many children of this age are quite capable of managing for a couple of hours. Many children have to! It depends on the child and what options are available in an emergency.

Our's was a top window and if you banged the frame the latch would jump up, I was small enough to climb in and open the bigger window for my DB to get in, I think we were meant to stay in the garden or go to a neighbour who we didn't like (nasty person really). Headfirst through a window was probably not a good idea but I was small and agile at the time and we never told how we got in!

I think way too young. Shocked at the other poster above who leaves a 9 year old alone, wtf

someone could ‘befriend’ them, or they could access inappropriate things alone when bored - like chat rooms that get through the filter.

also, it’s just too much to expect from a tired CHILD after school. Too much responsibility young. Most kids are tired and starving at that time. Not so bad in summer but awful on a stormy, rainy winter y evening.

I think way too young. Shocked at the other poster above who leaves a 9 year old alone, wtf

someone could ‘befriend’ them, or they could access inappropriate things alone when bored - like chat rooms that get through the filter.

also, it’s just too much to expect from a tired CHILD after school. Too much responsibility young. Most kids are tired and starving at that time. Not so bad in summer but awful on a stormy, rainy winter y evening.

That is so unacceptable at that age. 2.5 hours alone for a 9 year old is neglectful and adultifying a child..

My ds' afterschool club ceased to run on Fridays when he was in year 6 (not helpful), so I agreed with my boss to have a late lunch, collect ds at 3, take him home, settle him with snack, drink, tv, phone, and then go back to work between 3.45 and 5.30.

DS was relaxed about it. He knew he could ring me if there was a problem. He knew not to answer the door to strangers and he knew which neighbour to go to in an emergency.

That worked as a stop gap for a year.

Its really not, not if the child has been raised to be confident in themselves and sensible. After school care doesn't exist for 9 year olds and older where I am, so every single one of them if they don't have a parent at home or local grandparents, will be on their own for anything from a couple of hours to the whole afternoon (on days school finishes at 12), and they manage.

We were never comfortable with leaving ds home alone after school. Kids and other adults, including ones you don't know, will soon find out they are home alone every day and it makes them vulnerable to mischief or worse.

For me it is too high a risk and you need to find another solution.

Is the nursery refusing to take him now he is older, or can he go but he complaining he doesn't want to go/no-one else goes/he is not a baby? If the latter and you cannot find another solution he needs to suck it up until you find another solution.

Adjust working hours, childminder, other parents, family, afterschool etc. You won't be the only parent in school that has the same problem.

We handled it by adjusting work hours, me working very early to be back on time and dh starting very late and also weekends to catch up.

Does your DC know your neighbours or local friends and family who would be home during those hours? And do you have good relationships with them? Is DC comfortable (and sensible) crossing roads and making their way home from school? Are they sensible left in the house on their own and happy with that? Do you trust them not to abuse the freedom to go off and do things you wouldn’t allow?

10 years old is not inherently too young to get home from school and entertain themselves for a few hours, but it will depend on your individual child and what sort of network you have in the vicinity.

Latchkey kids (as we used to be known) at that age were pretty common until the mid-late 90s. And the vast majority survived just fine and developed mental resilience and good life skills from the freedom of those few hours. People growing up in neighbourhoods where they knew most people, lots of people had kids and there were throng relationships between people meant there was someone to turn to in an extreme situation even if a parent wasn’t home (and the knowledge that whatever you did might get back to a parent was a bit of a brake on any madcap scheming). But because it was the done thing, too many kids who weren’t ready for it were also left in that situation. And there are some definite issues for some kids, the potential for loneliness, mischief and accidents.

You need to judge whether your child is likely to benefit from the time alone or not. If your DC is particularly impulsive, easily lead, anxious, or liable to poor judgement there’s the opportunity for things to go quite wrong.

@Intriguedbythis @titchy It depends very much on the child.

My ds was a calm, confident sensible child who was completely unconcerned. He would ring me and chat if he had a question. He'd watch tv or play minecraft or get on with his homework.

I was raised by a (fabulous) single mother. She moved into a better paid role that required her to work lates (3-11), often an hour away from home. I was 11 at the time and would let myself in, help myself to some food that had been prepared in the slow cooker and took the dog for a walk before taking myself off for a bath and bed.

I was mature enough to do this and completely understand why this happened so hold no resentment/judgement over it! If you feel your DC is also mature enough for this, I'd see no problem. Depends on the child - provably worth mentioning my DM did check how I felt about it prior to accepting the role and was very clear on what it meant etc.