Step-child still has dummy age 4.5?

[AmeliaS1980]

AIBU to have an opinion on my step-child still being allowed a dummy at 4.5 years old? (It's killing me).

My partner (child's dad) is happy to be led by his ex (child's mum) on this. She is showing no inclination to wean the child off the dummy yet.

The child is happy, confident, well-adjusted, articulate, very clever, no speech impairments or developmental issues - in fact they are often mistaken for being older. So on that front there's an argument to say "what's the problem with the dummy then?"

But for me to see this child who is so capable of letting go of this attachment (which I'd say is completely unnecessary) being allowed to cling on to it for no apparent reason is bothering me a lot!!

I'm maybe overthinking this but it feels as though the child's mother has an emotional need to keep them babied for as long as possible. There are other older step children (her kids) that she struggles to see growing up (they are secondary school age).

I have mentioned lightly to my partner that the child is far to old to have a dummy and doesn't need it, and encouraged him to bring this up with the child's mother, but he doesn't feel the need to and continues to wait until the child's mother instigates getting rid of it. The child starts school in September.

AIBU to expect the child's parents to be doing something about this?

I honestly don't think a dummy is a big deal at nighttime- it's comfort for the child and it's not uncommon for breastfed babies to still feed at night till around that age- they'll very likely give it up themselves soon enough.

Not your kids, not your business.

Finger sucking isn't great either, although much harder to halt (you can't take away their finger). It's much less common after 6 mths (kids often naturally stop) Additional issue of tummy bugs if your child has a habit of touching lots of stuff too.
You can try "stop n grow" the nail varnish that stops biting, or gloves at night.

There's a lot going on in the mouth when you suck a dummy! Broadly it will affect sounds made at the front of the mouth - p, b, s, z, t etc and push them forward. So if you say "s" and notice where your tongue is and then push it forward a bit you'll get more of a whistle-y sound and eventually if you push it all the way forward youll get a "th" sound.
They also commonly cause speech delay as when dummy is in child isn't practicing babbling sounds, and later on may only take dummy out to try and speak (using few words)

My dd1 was still sucking her thumb after she learned to drive!

I’m sure a lot of the ‘anti’ is down to snobbery. As per my pp, I’m old enough to remember when dummies were widely seen as very lower class or ‘common’.

And it’s worth repeating that despite not giving hers up entirely until she was nearly 6, dd2, now early 40s, has always had perfect teeth and her speech was never affected. At one point when she was just 3 and chattering non stop,’ DM asked her where she got all her talking from. Dd thought a moment and replied, ‘From my mouf!’ 😂