Aibu to be consistently surprised by peoples terrible behaviour?

[Nevaneveaaa]

Aibu to be consistently surprised by peoples terrible behaviour. Apologies for being vague but it's very sensitive so I won't be going into the exact situation as that doesn't matter

If you had made a mistake that nearly ruined someone's life, why would someone not just apologise but instead try and make themselves the victim and accuse people who protected the victim of bullying them? If I had done something like that, I'd feel terrible not doubledown

We need the deets OP.

Can't say without knowing what happened really

I can't give anymore detail. They had multiple points where they could have fixed their 'mistake' and didn't. The scenario remains the same, perpetrator painting themselves as the victim is all the aibu is about

Well if you can’t give details we can’t give an opinion.

No way of knowing from your OP.

I've given all the details that matter... If you did something awful to someone, were then proved wrong, then paint yourselves as the victim.... And doubledown instead of just admit you were wrong and apologise
Is that narcissism?

Maybes aye, maybes naw

The thing is, there are two sides to most stories, and without any information there is no way of knowing that the other person was in the wrong or has anything to apologise for. Which might be why they aren't apologising.

Is this concerning a parent?
It's much easier for some people to play the victim than taking responsibility for their own. behaviour. They like to rewrite their own version of events to suit them. They are often totally selfish and have very little empathy.

I've already said its been proved they were wrong. But as I've said, I 'm not asking for specific answers to my situation... Just the generic why to the scenario that I've given

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Your details are too vague to give an opinion on. You can’t expect people to judge when they don’t know the details.

Some people are very averse to taking ownership of their mistakes. For some reason it is psychologically easier to deflect and reverse blame than it is to apologise or try to make amends, even though that compounds the damage.
Obviously you don't want to share the details but it is a scenario you see play out over and again.
Personally I think it's a poor character who does this, weak and unable to step up to fix whatever they've done.
Their ego can't take the criticism.

That's just a general observation and not a comment on whatever example you're thinking of.
I think it is possible to recognise this occurs without needing to judge this specific situation.

Thank you for understanding my post... What you've said is what I think, I just don't understand how people can be so lacking in self awareness or compassion for others when a genuine apology would have mattered. The ego thing is interesting

It doesn't make the person narcissistic necessarily.
Though someone with narcissistic characteristics in their personality would likely behave that way.
It takes a whole pattern of behaviours to attribute narcissism as the root cause of the way someone chooses to treat others.

No - you've given the only details that matter to you. Yours is not going to be the only perspective. I don't rush to judgements on people without facts.

Well, it's my post soo... 😂 But as I've said multiple times now, I'm posting about the scenario in general as PoochiesPinkEars understood

I think too many people never apologise or accept their own poor behaviour these days. Is it down to increasing possibility of litigation or that egos are inflated by the whole online culture where everyone believes they are fabulous? Or something else?

I saw this time and time again in my career helping people - many people have had wrong done to them and never start doing wrong themselves - they break the chain of links - other people have had wrong done to them and just pass it on - and are not self aware or secure enough to then say, 'yes I did do that to you and I am sorry' - they immediately start with the 'well pity me, I went through this and that etc'. It used to feel like pulling teeth - you have to go way way back and say, yes you did suffer, yes that is true - and only after a certain amount of that has been done can you get round to the things that individual then did to others. My mother was a classic example - suffered harm, took no remedial action and then visited it upon her children and when questioned, just reverts to the 'poor me's'. I myself at the beginning of my therapy had s good think about the wrong things I had done and owned up to them. I thought, 'I can hardly expect her to own up if I won't.' It was a good lesson.

Can you distance yourself OP? Can you find any compassion and understanding while keeping safe? Trouble is, if you stand near a Catherine wheel, some of it gets on you in the end...

Thank you for taking the time to post that, it was interesting reading

No compassion or understanding as they literally tried to ruin a life when they were the ones proved to be at fault. I'm not giving details as an nda has been signed but I just can't get my head around people like that

Very risky behaviour from them. Very illuminating. I literally could never act like that and clearly you couldn't either.

My advice is to understand that there are people like that in the world, but don't bother trying to understand them, just serve and keep your head up. X

If someone made massive mistake which ruined someoes' life and it would be a big mistake to have that kind of impact but......they did not even have the balls to own up to it and at the very least apologise then that person would be about as much use to the human race as chocolate fireguard. They are a weak,wicked scumbag.

Still impossible to say whether they were in the wrong and should apologise. What do you mean by “proven wrong”?
If someone was sexually assaulted for example and the perpetrator isn’t found guilty, it does not mean the accuser was “wrong” and certainly doesn’t mean they owe the perpetrator an apology.

Oh dear lord. I'm not asking who was wrong. That's not disputed