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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to be consistently surprised by peoples terrible behaviour?

123 replies

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 14:41

Aibu to be consistently surprised by peoples terrible behaviour. Apologies for being vague but it's very sensitive so I won't be going into the exact situation as that doesn't matter

If you had made a mistake that nearly ruined someone's life, why would someone not just apologise but instead try and make themselves the victim and accuse people who protected the victim of bullying them? If I had done something like that, I'd feel terrible not doubledown

OP posts:
NonPlayerCharacter · 02/04/2024 17:56

Well we have no idea what you're talking about so we really don't know. With the information we've got, I can only say that either they perceive the situation differently to you, or they want to escape consequences.

SiobhanSharpe · 02/04/2024 17:58

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 15:08

Well, it's my post soo... 😂 But as I've said multiple times now, I'm posting about the scenario in general as PoochiesPinkEars understood

Edited

But without even some indication of what had occurred it is impossible to say who, if anyone, is being unreasonable.
Perhaps next time just post in Chat?

Frutiloopy · 02/04/2024 17:59

People will do to you what they think/ know they can get away with

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 17:59

SiobhanSharpe · 02/04/2024 17:58

But without even some indication of what had occurred it is impossible to say who, if anyone, is being unreasonable.
Perhaps next time just post in Chat?

I didn't ask who was being unreasonable though. That's nothing like what I wrote

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 02/04/2024 18:00

Er, it's in your title...

grinandslothit · 02/04/2024 18:02

What you described is something I've made a very, very lucrative living at doing.

Fixing company tech screw_ups discreetly.

clairelouwho · 02/04/2024 18:03

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 17:59

I didn't ask who was being unreasonable though. That's nothing like what I wrote

Except it's in your title and you posted in AIBU.

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:04

clairelouwho · 02/04/2024 18:03

Except it's in your title and you posted in AIBU.

Yes...it is...'Aibu to be consistently surprised by peoples terrible behaviour?'... If only more people took the time to actually read it 😂

OP posts:
clairelouwho · 02/04/2024 18:05

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:04

Yes...it is...'Aibu to be consistently surprised by peoples terrible behaviour?'... If only more people took the time to actually read it 😂

Shame you didn't take the time to think about what you posted or where you posted it....

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:05

SiobhanSharpe · 02/04/2024 18:00

Er, it's in your title...

Er, the title is Aibu to be consistently surprised by peoples terrible behaviour? Nothing about my situation or asking who is wrong

OP posts:
Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:06

grinandslothit · 02/04/2024 18:02

What you described is something I've made a very, very lucrative living at doing.

Fixing company tech screw_ups discreetly.

Ha. It's that common in the corporate world?

OP posts:
Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:07

clairelouwho · 02/04/2024 18:05

Shame you didn't take the time to think about what you posted or where you posted it....

I'm sure the irony of your words is lost on you there 😂

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 02/04/2024 18:07

Now everyone's just going to keep guessing... fun way to pass time while nap trapped..mine is.
Mandy and Sue are on same uni course and are flatmates. Mandy borrows Sue's laptop to do an essay but 'accidentally' uploads to submit Sue's... Sue submits same essay and gets threatened to be kicked off course for plagiarism but is able to show its her essay.... Mandy apologises about a 'whoopsie' and is adamant was a mistake?

clairelouwho · 02/04/2024 18:08

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:07

I'm sure the irony of your words is lost on you there 😂

I'm sure the irony of posting in AIBU and having AIBU in your title but claiming you're not asking who is unreasonable is lost on you completely. Not surprising since you can't deduce human behaviour by yourself.

PoochiesPinkEars · 02/04/2024 18:09

I think we've all come across people who would rather sprint hard in the other direction than hold their hands up and admit they made a mistake.

A neighbour did it with me... Nothing on the scale of needing an NDA, but she couldn't apologise or even face she'd made an mistake. She avoided me for about 3 years cos she couldn't look me in the eye, then randomly passed the time of day with me while out with her dog recently... Now she's back to breezy neighbour, presumably thinking it's been long enough.
If she'd said sorry it would have been forgiven and forgotten within a day week. Mad how she'd rather avoid me for 3 years to avoid one simple word to repair things.
For the record she'd damaged my lawn and bumped my visitors car (no damage). Visitor didn't kick off or mind really, lawn grew back, no big deal. I'm non scary and didn't demand an apology it just would have been nice. She still couldn't do it.

The fact you're fresh out of witnessing/being on the receiving end of one of these people and that's the catalyst for your musings on what kind of mind it takes to do this is irrelevant and not sure why people are thinking that situation needs to be offered for an examination before they can consider the concept of personal responsibility avoidant people.

I also can't wrap my head around the kind of thought processes you would have to 🙈🙉🙉🙈🙉🙈🙉🙈 the effects of your behaviour - Totally ignore the pain someone else has suffered and breeze on with the rest of your life, still sleeping soundly at night.

But you see people do it, mostly on a low level scale, but it happens on all levels, so it is definitely in the scope of 'this is human'.

I see it, but I don't understand it and I'm really grateful non of my family are that way inclined. My friends aren't either, but that's easier cos I wouldn't be friends with them if they were. 😁

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:09

DoreenonTill8 · 02/04/2024 18:07

Now everyone's just going to keep guessing... fun way to pass time while nap trapped..mine is.
Mandy and Sue are on same uni course and are flatmates. Mandy borrows Sue's laptop to do an essay but 'accidentally' uploads to submit Sue's... Sue submits same essay and gets threatened to be kicked off course for plagiarism but is able to show its her essay.... Mandy apologises about a 'whoopsie' and is adamant was a mistake?

It's not a funny situation to me and I didn't post to play a guessing game. If plenty of pp understand the point, I've clearly made my post understandable

I don't understand why people here try and upset people, but going by the advice by nice posters here and my thread title, I shouldn't be surprised by it

OP posts:
grinandslothit · 02/04/2024 18:10

You're being rather obtuse about this, and that is off putting in itself, but I think you know that you're being annoying.

In reality, there are only a few scenarios you could be talking about. It's likely one of these 4 scenarios, so I don't know why you're being vague about it. It's either a relative, a partner, an employer, or a service provider.

As for being surprised about it? No, you shouldn't, because all humans are inherently selfish and self-serving.That's human nature for survival.

That also includes you as you've done selfish things that you don't realize you've done. Everyone has.

wombleberry · 02/04/2024 18:10

I'm am also consistently surprised by just how awful people can be. I don't know if the instance you are talking about is narcissism or a general inability to be wrong or admit mistakes or apologise, or even lack of the intellectual capacity to empathise or see that they made a huge mistake that actually is a big deal. Some people simply do seem to believe they are genuinely superior and that any mistakes they make aren't a big deal and why can't everyone else just see that too? It is frustrating as anything, but if they are not going to understand what they did and the serious impact it had, there's nothing you can do about it. I tell myself those people are just wired differently and try to suppress my rage at their perceived human failings!

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:10

clairelouwho · 02/04/2024 18:08

I'm sure the irony of posting in AIBU and having AIBU in your title but claiming you're not asking who is unreasonable is lost on you completely. Not surprising since you can't deduce human behaviour by yourself.

Keep the online bullying of strangers up

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 02/04/2024 18:11

So the only meaningful response to your AIBU is ...
Who the hell knows?

grinandslothit · 02/04/2024 18:12

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:06

Ha. It's that common in the corporate world?

I can't answer that without you signing an NDA

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:14

PoochiesPinkEars · 02/04/2024 18:09

I think we've all come across people who would rather sprint hard in the other direction than hold their hands up and admit they made a mistake.

A neighbour did it with me... Nothing on the scale of needing an NDA, but she couldn't apologise or even face she'd made an mistake. She avoided me for about 3 years cos she couldn't look me in the eye, then randomly passed the time of day with me while out with her dog recently... Now she's back to breezy neighbour, presumably thinking it's been long enough.
If she'd said sorry it would have been forgiven and forgotten within a day week. Mad how she'd rather avoid me for 3 years to avoid one simple word to repair things.
For the record she'd damaged my lawn and bumped my visitors car (no damage). Visitor didn't kick off or mind really, lawn grew back, no big deal. I'm non scary and didn't demand an apology it just would have been nice. She still couldn't do it.

The fact you're fresh out of witnessing/being on the receiving end of one of these people and that's the catalyst for your musings on what kind of mind it takes to do this is irrelevant and not sure why people are thinking that situation needs to be offered for an examination before they can consider the concept of personal responsibility avoidant people.

I also can't wrap my head around the kind of thought processes you would have to 🙈🙉🙉🙈🙉🙈🙉🙈 the effects of your behaviour - Totally ignore the pain someone else has suffered and breeze on with the rest of your life, still sleeping soundly at night.

But you see people do it, mostly on a low level scale, but it happens on all levels, so it is definitely in the scope of 'this is human'.

I see it, but I don't understand it and I'm really grateful non of my family are that way inclined. My friends aren't either, but that's easier cos I wouldn't be friends with them if they were. 😁

Thank you so much. That's exactly it. I'm very tired and you've explained it much better than I did.

That's crazy about your neighbour, and for such an easy fix...!

OP posts:
Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:14

grinandslothit · 02/04/2024 18:12

I can't answer that without you signing an NDA

😁

OP posts:
clairelouwho · 02/04/2024 18:14

Nevaneveaaa · 02/04/2024 18:10

Keep the online bullying of strangers up

Oh, online bullying now.

You posted online and invited opinions. People gave them-and now those opinions are "bullying."

😂

PoochiesPinkEars · 02/04/2024 18:15

I don't think you're being annoying op.

The topic up for discussion is people who would rather lock everyone down and deny deny deny, even if it increases the damage caused... provided that means they can keep up a facade of being a good person and we all pretend nothing happened.

Essentially value their self image more highly than other people's peace of mind / emotional well being.

We've all met them.

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