Aibu to be consistently surprised by peoples terrible behaviour?

[Nevaneveaaa]

Aibu to be consistently surprised by peoples terrible behaviour. Apologies for being vague but it's very sensitive so I won't be going into the exact situation as that doesn't matter

If you had made a mistake that nearly ruined someone's life, why would someone not just apologise but instead try and make themselves the victim and accuse people who protected the victim of bullying them? If I had done something like that, I'd feel terrible not doubledown

How is it not? Clearly it is disputed if the other person does not feel they did anything wrong…

Just because you say they’re wrong doesn’t make it so. Two sides and all that.

And some people post really vague things and refuse to add any details in the search for validation…

It's so weird pp saying we don't have the facts. I've given you the facts. And the question. I'm posting about a generic scenario and why people act like that rather than asking anyones opinion on my situation

The only narcissism I see here is your refusal to accept that there even IS another side to this story, OP.

That comment shows everything about you.... Ridiculous and unnecessarily nasty. It's painful reading your lack of understanding.

That's also not what that word means

Oh come on OP you haven’t given us facts you’ve just really said “Trust me they’re in the wrong”. I can’t tell you how many threads I read where an OP is absolutely adamant they are in the right, but to everyone else it’s clear that’s not the case. You’ve told us nothing. Thai thread is essentially “Isn’t it awful when people are horrible”. What did you want people to say “No you’re wrong I love behaving like a destructive prick”.

But I'm not asking about my specific situation. I've never once indicated that I was asking who was right or wrong. They were wrong, that's a fact. I'm asking about the generic behaviour in the scenario given. I feel like my head is exploding saying it over and over again. I don't understand how some pp don't get it despite other pp understanding perfectly and me saying it 5 times

YABU to be surprised that some people behave awfully.

YABU not to give any information in the thread.

A PP touched on it earlier when mentioning the ego.
The ego identity that a person creates, is so invested in that a blemish on that ego, even if they are guilty, cannot be tolerated.
Therefore the automatic response is to deflect and go into survival mode I.e. play victim.
A classic one being the person that gets caught cheating and then says. "I wouldn't have cheated had you been more affectionate" In other words your behaviour made me do it.
Narcissistic? Mentally immature? Low Self Esteem? Childhood upbringing? who knows without analysis.

Nasty?
You want us to castigate someone and call them a narcissist when you’ve given zero information. This tells me a lot.

How do you know they were wrong??
That is the the point of contention, here.

That's interesting, thank you :) why do you think that the ego can't take it, lack of self worth/insecurity?

I'm thinking I'd feel better if I understood where it comes from, but I guess like you say, it could be loads of different things

For it to be ‘a fact’ they ‘were wrong’ it would have to be something very serious and conclusive, because actually ‘right and wrong’ doesn’t really work in an objective way like that.

You haven’t given a scenario. At all. I mean it barely passes as ‘vague’ let alone a scenario. Which so why people are reluctant to give you an answer.

It’s like me asking:
“Is it green?”
and people going “Eh what, what’s green?” “Is it green? What more information do you need than that?!”
“Well, details for a start”
”Details don’t matter. Is it green?”
”Is what green?”
”Oh my god how can you not get this??!”

Why are you surprised that people behave badly? It’s the human condition so if you are surprised you are either new to the human race or highly oblivious. Why people behave badly is a whole other issue that’s too big for one internet forum thread (unfortunately).

No. The scenario as others have grasped it is:

A person did something wrong to another person that had huge negative impacts

The person was proved to be wrong

The perpetrator then makes our they were the victim instead of apologising for their huge mistake

That's not vague. I've said I'm not posting more about my situation because Ive signed an nda and it's not about my situation specifically

Others get it. If you don't, don't post on it, easy solve

It's more I'm surprised someone could do something so awful to someone and doubled own rather than apologise. I would rather the surprise I guess though rather than being used to it haha

But according to OP they didn't ruin anyone's life. They nearly did. Not the same thing.

💯

How is this unlike the sexual assault scenario I asked about?

@Nevaneveaaa In general, it feels like a trend.

I feel like it used to be much more normal to admit a mistake, take responsibility and apologise.

Now it seems much more common to double down.

I suppose that goes hand-in-hand with people not taking responsibility for anything.

Narcissists will bend over backwards to make out they are the wronged party.. or go even further and try and make out they've done you or whoever a favour... or literally just completely ignore or detatch from what they did. Or another classic is to act like you are insane or massively overreacting if you are hurt in any way.
At no point ever will they take responsibility or accountability for any of it. Not even a small part of it.
Always someone else's fault.

There’s plenty of people who have served time in prison who think they’ve done nothing wrong.
Karen Matthew’s gave an interview about how it ‘wasn’t that bad’ what she did to her daughter. I’m sure Denis Neilsen moaned about being locked up too.

I remember watching footage of Pete Doherty leaving Wormwood Scrubs having a tantrum to the cameras about how he was locked up with the country’s most dangerous criminals and how unfair it was (Wormwood Scrubs is a Cat B prison so really he wasn’t). You’d think he’d been sent there accidentally or by chance and not for driving under the influence of drink and drugs then missing probation meetings.

Im not sure if it’s delusion, narcissism or just a total defensive lack of acceptance that they’re not very nice people, but that’s the complexities of human beings for ya.

Maybe that's why I'm more surprised. What you just said was normal for me too, if I do something wrong, I say sorry. If I did something catastrophic to someone and turned out to be wrong I would feel horrendous and try and fix it

That's why I mentioned that word, this kind of description