To not want child I don't know bunking in with us?

[Applecrumbleandcustatd]

We are going away soon to attend a wedding. Me, dh and our ds age 8. We are staying for a week as the wedding is quite far but in a great location so we decided to turn it into a holiday.

My sister and bil, and my sister's friend (I'll call her Judy) and Judy's dh and child, are also attending the wedding and will be staying in the same accommodation. It's a large B&B house with individual rooms/apartments.

I don't know Judy other than to say hello (this is relevant).

Dh and I booked our accommodation first, it's a one bed apartment with kitchen and sofa bed in the lounge for our son. We told my sister about it and she and her dh booked another of the apartments and decided to also make a few days of it too, fine.

Sister told Judy about the B&B and Judy then booked up the last room. Judy's room is only a double room rather than an apartment. My sister has told Judy that her dd can bunk in with us for the week and share the sofa bed with our ds. Also that Just can share our kitchen.

The dd is 12 or 13 afaik. We don't know Judy or the dd. I've spoken to Judy in passing but I've never even met the child.

I've said no but my sister is saying I'm being selfish as Judy hasn't got room and the dd will have to sleep on an airbed.

I find with CFs the best way is to be short, to the point and repeat.
Judy is your friend, not mine, Judys family and their accommodation is not my problem....and repeat.

My favourite pudding too. And I agree with everything you say.

I think I'd also be looking at elsewhere to be sure of getting a peaceful week.

Ie no sister or Judy!

This.
Totally inappropriate.

Mother and daughter are perfectly fine sharing a double.
And repeat.

Also, the poor dd. I know at 13 I would die if asked to share a bed with a young boy I didn't know and an apartment with a family I didn't know.

Your sister hasn't thought this through at all

The cynic in me is thinking the the child is being pushed on you because you have a child and it won't just be the inappropriate sleeping arrangements but the child being dumped on you so your Sister and husband plus Judy and Hisband can have a nice child free break together.

A 13 year old girl can't share a bed with a boy. She can sleep on your sisters sofa even if it isn't a sofa bed. Presumably if it's an apartment it has a sofa?

I also think this is not just going to be about sleeping arrangements but Judy and your sister are planning to dump the kid with you and go out.after all if they are sleeping at yours they can go out at nighttime . Ready made babysitter.

What does it matter what your sister's agenda is? Why didn't you instantly shut this down?
Imagine starting a thread instead of just saying No...

Problem is sister has got huffy and says I'm being unkind. Her pov is that the children will love it and it will be one big happy camping trip. It's a wedding so we all have to pull together and make do

If your sister is so desperate to be kind and pull together and make do, she can be kind herself and offer to take an airbed so the child can share their apartment. Strange how her version of being kind primarily involves other people being massively inconvenienced.

For example bedtimes of a 8 year old and a 13 year old are very different. So the older one would have to be at yours much earlier. It’s so they all can go out at night, you are the babysitter.

Well it does sound more about not having to bother with the daughter doesn't it?

I mean Op's sister has an apartment & therefore a sofa surely?

Most often a sofa bed so that these places are sold as sleeping as many people as possible!

If we told our 13 year old DD that she was going to share accommodation without us and with two unknown adults and an 8 year old boy, sharing a bed with the 8 year old, she would (a) categorically refuse to go and (b) be straight on the phone to Child Protection services.

"My sister says my son will love it, even though I know my son best and he doesn't want to share with a 12 year old girl"

I'm soryry, but if the words "but no my son doesn't want to and I'm unhappy about it, and its got nothing to do with being unkind and you are being totally unreasonable and frankly a cunty fucker" are unable to pass your lips, you deserve the words 'doormat' on your forehead.

Get a backbone. Tell her to go off and be a 5 year old and sulk because shes unable to respect how other people feel too.

Applecrumbleandcustard something else here which could certainly help in further discussion with your DSis.

It sounds to me as if Judy and her DH have booked a room that is only licensed for two person occupancy. If this is the case then they can't just bring an airbed or similar to put in the room as it would seriously invalidate the fire safety license the accommodation owner should hold. If the accommodation/room is licensed for 2 adults and a child - although 12 is often classed as an adult dependent upon the license held - then Judy needs to request the extra bed which is often either a sofa bed or camp bed type and it needs to be booked accordingly, i.e. for 2 adults plus child of 12 years. (The maximum child age for sharing needs to be checked.)

To me it sounds as if the room is only suitable for two in which case you definitely don't want to be getting involved. I suspect your room may only be licensed for 2 adults and either 1 or 2 children dependent upon the child ages. You really need to read the small print.

If it's an Air b/b type property then the rules may be different - not familiar with how air b/b's work with occupancy legislation but I am retired very senior travel industry and just putting an extra person into a room or apartment, with licensed accommodation, is a definite no no. The room has to accommodate those using it, booked accordingly and the appropriate fees paid.

All you have to say is No, that's not happening.

It's really not complicated. At all.

Well, here's another one where the answer needs to be short and sweet. Sister, you can think what you like but we're not having Judy's child staying with us and we will not be sharing our kitchen with anyone. It would ruin the trip for us. Someone else's failure to book the accommodation they need is not our problem.

Absolutely! The poor girl would be mortified!

It's beyond belief that anyone would even suggest this arrangement.

This is a good one. Brief and to the point. OP, you do realise you have a unanimous YANBU!

Chances are that this 12 year old will in no way want to share a room with people she doesn’t know! This is what makes this suggestion even more ridiculous. Your sister is being daft.

I’m guessing sis hasn’t met the 12/13 year old daughter? I work with ten year old girls and some of them are very developed.

No way would I let an eight year old boy share.

There's no way the 12 year old would agree to this either.

The whole thing is daft.

This proposal is unacceptable. Children don’t want to share beds with strangers any more than adults would. The difference between an 8 yo boy and a 12 yo girl is vast. It’s a huge invasion of each child’s privacy and just not appropriate. Your sister clearly has no idea about children. You’re absolutely right to say no.

Indeed!

The more I read on Mumsnet, the less dysfunctional my awful family appears.

I cannot get my breath for the way some people's relatives make arrangements on others' behalf without so much as asking first!

Another YA definitely NBU from me. Bonkers on so many levels.