To not want child I don't know bunking in with us?

[Applecrumbleandcustatd]

We are going away soon to attend a wedding. Me, dh and our ds age 8. We are staying for a week as the wedding is quite far but in a great location so we decided to turn it into a holiday.

My sister and bil, and my sister's friend (I'll call her Judy) and Judy's dh and child, are also attending the wedding and will be staying in the same accommodation. It's a large B&B house with individual rooms/apartments.

I don't know Judy other than to say hello (this is relevant).

Dh and I booked our accommodation first, it's a one bed apartment with kitchen and sofa bed in the lounge for our son. We told my sister about it and she and her dh booked another of the apartments and decided to also make a few days of it too, fine.

Sister told Judy about the B&B and Judy then booked up the last room. Judy's room is only a double room rather than an apartment. My sister has told Judy that her dd can bunk in with us for the week and share the sofa bed with our ds. Also that Just can share our kitchen.

The dd is 12 or 13 afaik. We don't know Judy or the dd. I've spoken to Judy in passing but I've never even met the child.

I've said no but my sister is saying I'm being selfish as Judy hasn't got room and the dd will have to sleep on an airbed.

This 🤦‍♀️

I really wouldnt be making suggestions of how to make things work

You're inclined to do this because the dynamic between you is that you need to placate, to problem solve, to pick up the mantel for this stuff thats been dumped on you

Of course you'll do what is comfortable for you but I personally would see this as an opportunity to break that pattern.

The answer is NO and there is no other discussion, what Judy does or doesnt do is not of your concern.

Admittedly I hadn't thought about it either from safeguarding the adults more the children being different ages, sex and not even knowing each other. But it's a no go from me and dh point of view. What about us getting up in the night for the toilet with a strange girl in our lounge. Or if she accidentally wandered into our room.

If sister tries getting round me I'll be saying all of this which should shut it down completely.

Thanks, every one of the replies are helpful. Family dynamics can be so difficult especially when you have been scared to say no over the years fearing falling out.

@Applecrumbleandcustatd unfortunately you are going to have to tell sister and Judy to fuck off. I bet they wouldn't be thinking it was a great idea if her 13 year old was a boy and would be sharing the sofa bed with an 8 year old girl.

Maybe the OP's sister is trying to engineer it so that Judy and her family are using the OP's kitchen rather than her own and plans to strong arm the OP into this and then present it to Judy as a fabulous idea.

This is nuts. Your sister doesn't sound very familiar with kids if she thinks a secondary school aged girl is going to be interested in being friends with an 8 year old boy she has never met, let alone share a bed with him. And vice versa! An inflatable bed or some sofa cushions on the floor would be infinitely preferable

@soupfiend crossed posted but that rings true. When you're scared of upsetting pushy people you can easily end up trying to compromise or offer other solutions when no should mean no.

Could you cancel and rebook a different apartment/cottage/hotel? That way you'll only need to see them at the wedding?

I was wondering this too.

When I was 7 I was made to share a bed with an older girl. Let’s just say the inappropriate things she did messed my head up for a very long time.

You absolutely shouldn't have to do this and should be able to say "NO, that does not work for us."
But in your shoes, given the unrelenting brass neck of your sister if I could extricate myself without cost and find a suitable or better alternative I'd be seriously considering it.

Sorry Sis, on balance we've decided to stay elsewhere and have some privacy for our week away. See you at the church. !

No. Just say no.

Is your sister always such a cheeky fucker and unaware of boundaries?

See if you can book somewhere else. This is wrong on several levels. If it were my sister, I wouldn't really want to spend a lot of time with her at this point.

My son would have been distraught at this scenario aged 8, my daughter would’ve been apoplectic aged 12. It’s an absolutely terrible suggestion. You will have to be very firm.
My guess is that your sister encouraged Judy to book the room by saying her DD could sleep elsewhere. Poor parenting if so.

The OP was the first to book though!

OP, just tell your sister that you found and booked accommodation to suit your family and you will not be sharing it with anyone else.

Some people have no idea do they?

Why the hell is Judy booking unsuitable accommodation?

Can her daughter even be on the floor on an airbed for example?

(Not that that's your problem!)

How convenient that your sister's apartment doesn't have a sofa bed!

Why wouldn't your sister be sharing her kitchen with her own friend?

All very strange!

Your sister doesn't know teenage girls if she thinks she'd willing share with an 8 year old boy she doesn't know. What type of adult would put either kids in that situation. Judy needs to sort appropriate accommodation for her family, bit stupid booking somewhere that doesn't fit them all instead of looking elsewhere.

I know, and the OP shouldn't have to rebook, but if it was me I would be tempted to stay elsewhere to remove any suggestion of sharing the sofabed or kitchen. And so I could enjoy the week away without any passive aggressive comments or sulking from the sister.

I would 100% move my accommodation. Fuck that. She'll be arranging drink I nyour apartment all week for the whole "group"

I wouldn’t offer solutions. She’s already treating this like it’s your problem to solve.

Surely mum and DD will share a bed !

In short - yes.

This is fairly typical behaviour of her.

It's time to tell your sister no and mean it, cheeky cow

I would re book somewhere else too. I wouldnt care if I booked it first, I would just be getting opportunity out of the way. No one would be popping in to my kitchenette area!!!

OP just send @Moveoverdarlin 's text, seriously.

If you smoothe it all over now it will only happen again. If you're firm, in my experience, she Will Not Fuck With You Again.