To not want child I don't know bunking in with us?

[Applecrumbleandcustatd]

We are going away soon to attend a wedding. Me, dh and our ds age 8. We are staying for a week as the wedding is quite far but in a great location so we decided to turn it into a holiday.

My sister and bil, and my sister's friend (I'll call her Judy) and Judy's dh and child, are also attending the wedding and will be staying in the same accommodation. It's a large B&B house with individual rooms/apartments.

I don't know Judy other than to say hello (this is relevant).

Dh and I booked our accommodation first, it's a one bed apartment with kitchen and sofa bed in the lounge for our son. We told my sister about it and she and her dh booked another of the apartments and decided to also make a few days of it too, fine.

Sister told Judy about the B&B and Judy then booked up the last room. Judy's room is only a double room rather than an apartment. My sister has told Judy that her dd can bunk in with us for the week and share the sofa bed with our ds. Also that Just can share our kitchen.

The dd is 12 or 13 afaik. We don't know Judy or the dd. I've spoken to Judy in passing but I've never even met the child.

I've said no but my sister is saying I'm being selfish as Judy hasn't got room and the dd will have to sleep on an airbed.

No. They seem to be oblivious they are putting your 8yo at risk from an older child (and it is a risk, a girl almost in her teens is quite different to a boy in lower juniors). Putting her at risk staying with two adults, including a man she doesn’t know. Putting you and your DH at risk of accusations. You don’t know this child and what she might say,

I would be seriously looking for alternative accomodation. They will ruin your holiday.

Yup, they'll be in there asking to use the toaster and kettle and iron and whatnot.

Yes, a wedding, not the war!

“pull together and make do?” Ffs. She needs to get a grip.

You know better for next time. Your sister is nothing but trouble.

You need to text her exactly what you said in your previous post 'I'm getting dragged into something that's got naff all to do with me. Just stop. I'm not talking about this anymore.'

it's not your problem to solve that the friend booked unsuitable accommodation, is it now?

She's spoiling your holiday, are you planning to spend much time with your sis and her friend over the holiday week? I certainly wouldn't.

This is a very odd request. It’s a hard no from me. Your sister sounds like a real pain in the arse

here are some basic safeguarding issues about allowing stranger children to share a BEDROOM with 2 adults, she doesnt know, they dont know her, barely know her parents.

I expect Judy would be horrified at your sister's suggestion as well for this ^^ reason.

I would use this and end up by saying "please stop asking, the answer is no".

Fuck that.

I wouldn't entertain that for a moment.

Your sister can go promise al she likes go other people but you do not have to agree to any of that

No. You say NO.

N. O.

Say no and mean no!

It's a crazy idea on so many levels!

I somehow doubt that Judy's 12/13 yo would be a fan of this suggestion either tbf.

I agree, sis wants to dump the 12 year old on you so that sis & Judy can live it up.

Say an emphatic no, and tell her not mention it again.

Don't change accommodation - It's a good time for you to start asserting some boundaries!
I hope you've said no to the kitchen use as well. It's your family holiday and I guarantee you'll be mad as hell if you come home having given in and allowed your sister to walk all over you,
Pmsl at mucking in and making do, like it's the sodding Blitz!

@KeepingItUnderTheRadar

Calm Down Boris!

Incredibly shit, poor, risky parenting on their part.

you don't even know if Judy has been told about this 'plan' let alone agreed to it.

No no no! What the fuck is the matter with people? Your sister is nuts. I’d be messaging Judy to tell her politely no way.

This sounds like a good solution. Also flag up safeguarding too.

But also say to your sister, it is your holiday, it's not the sort of holiday where children can share a bed (most children I know and even me as a child would be appalled at having to share with another child, unless we knew them really well, same sex and top and tailed) and you do not want to do this is it is unfair to your DS. Also shut down talk of sharing a kitchen as you don't want to and say to your sister she's quite happy to share her kitchen with Judy as she's her friend. God this sounds childish talking like this but sometimes needs must.

Shut down any talk from her of 'oh it'll be nice for the kids'. You can even say you doubt a 13 year old girl would want to share with an 8 year old boy. Suppose she has her period then? If an air bed isn't suitable then you can buy a Z bed cheaply. If Judy doesn't want to share with her DD they should've thought of that before and there's still time for them to source other accommodation elsewhere.

Hysterical, your DSIS doesn’t have a 12 DD does she? My DD would cause such a stink that over her dead body would she share with a boy that age. Honestly this is pie in the sky. We’ll all hear when the proposal is made…. it won’t be happening 😂

Oh yes, that's the suggestion, party time with sister and Judy and foist the 13/12 year onto OP as an unpaid babysitter. No way.

No, we don't know the child very well.
No, it's unfair on our child
As I said, no.
Nope.
We won't be able to do that.
Sorry, no.
No, that doesn't suit us.
That just won't work.

Repeated on shuffle until you get the point across.
I wonder if the other child is particularly keen either.

Your sister sounds like mine - coming up with great schemes that cause me discomfort just because she has some greater motive imagining how she'd like things to be. All you can do is try to assert yourself, which I understand all too well can be very difficult with a domineering sibling. If you can, try to say something along the lines of:
'We are looking forward to our week away including the wedding. I booked the apartment for DH, DS and me as we need our own space for the week while also looking forward to spending time with everyone else at the wedding. Please stop asking for us to share the apartment with anyone else. It puts me in a difficult position as DS will not want to share his bed with a strange child, and as I said we need our own space and privacy. If Judy is stuck for kitchen access or space for her DD, I hope you can work it out between you.'

Mucking in and making do only works if you're all on the same page and this has been agreed beforehand. My DM used to do this with her best friend (now not a best friend years on but hey...!) and only because the kids (me and DB) were the same age and sex as her own (the best friend's) DC and we were all best/close friends and we all got on and did things together. Wouldn't have worked otherwise.

I highly doubt a 12 year old girl would want to stay in a strangers apartment anyway, let alone share a bed with an unknown 8 year old boy 😂 so I think you’re safe.

But 100% stand firm on the no anyway. Your sister needs to learn she cannot do things like this and you’ll roll over.

I don’t think a 12/13 year old girl will be happy about sharing a sofa bed with an 8 year old lad, even less so one she’s never met.
Judy’s child, Judy’s sleeping arrangement problem.

I'd suggest "Judy" take an air mattress for their dd or find alternative accommodation.

Absolutely not....to be honest it looks like Judy disregarded health & safety too & pretended they were just the 2 of them when booking as normally you can't book a double for 3 people. It isn't your issue to sort out.

Your sister is a CF. Are they even considering what your child and Judy's child want. I've got children of a similar age and I'm pretty confident they would prefer an airbed on the floor rather than share a sofa bed with a stranger.

I CAN SEE THE UPDATE NOW....

Judy's daughter turned up at my door in sleep attire with a pillow and toothbrush in hand.