To not want child I don't know bunking in with us?

[Applecrumbleandcustatd]

We are going away soon to attend a wedding. Me, dh and our ds age 8. We are staying for a week as the wedding is quite far but in a great location so we decided to turn it into a holiday.

My sister and bil, and my sister's friend (I'll call her Judy) and Judy's dh and child, are also attending the wedding and will be staying in the same accommodation. It's a large B&B house with individual rooms/apartments.

I don't know Judy other than to say hello (this is relevant).

Dh and I booked our accommodation first, it's a one bed apartment with kitchen and sofa bed in the lounge for our son. We told my sister about it and she and her dh booked another of the apartments and decided to also make a few days of it too, fine.

Sister told Judy about the B&B and Judy then booked up the last room. Judy's room is only a double room rather than an apartment. My sister has told Judy that her dd can bunk in with us for the week and share the sofa bed with our ds. Also that Just can share our kitchen.

The dd is 12 or 13 afaik. We don't know Judy or the dd. I've spoken to Judy in passing but I've never even met the child.

I've said no but my sister is saying I'm being selfish as Judy hasn't got room and the dd will have to sleep on an airbed.

Oh absolutely @Applecrumbleandcustatd wherever the child, or any other member of that family, is sleeping, it should not be in your apartment

100% this!

If it were one night, I might forgive them for asking, but for a week? Fuck no!

@wordler the 14yo may not want to bunk in with her parents, but it would be worse sharing a sofa bed with an 8yo boy

That's a no from me too. Let them sort themselves out, they booked it. I wouldn't be sharing beds or a kitchen with them. Tell your sister to stop meddling.

Your sister is batshit OP - has she ever actually met a 14yo girl?

@Applecrumbleandcustatd You say you're not in contact with Judy - I presume your sister knows this? If I were you, I'd make sure to make contact with Judy because your sister may well have told Judy that you're happy with this arrangement.

But it’s not a jolly camping trip! You’re paying to stay in a a good apartment in a nice B & B. Judy needs to book suitable accommodation for her own family! If your place hasn’t got anything suitable, she needs to look elsewhere.

This suggestion is so ridiculous I highly doubt Judy has agreed to it. Imagine sending your 13 year old daughter into the apartment of a family you don't know to share a bed with a strange younger boy. Insanely weird! And IF she DID agree to it you sure as hell don't want to be emeshed with her for the whole family.

I once suggested to my brother my step daughter (12) share a hotel room with his teenage daughters to cut costs. He said he didn't want to suggest it as his girls so looked forward to this particular holiday and having time to chill out. I did not object in any way, not even privately.

Your sister is nuts.

Completely inappropriate due to the obvious age difference opposite sex. They don’t even know each other. I’m hoping Judy realises your sisters suggestion is equally as odd!

I can't think of a more inappropriate age for this, either.

A 12/13yo girl is at an age where might well be dealing with all sorts of things she doesn't want to be sharing with anyone, let alone an 8yo boy and his family of strangers, let alone sharing a bed with any of them!

It's shockingly inappropriate from all angles. 😳

Exactly, Im surprised so few people are talking about this.

Its not about the children being horrified or not liking it, there are some basic safeguarding issues about allowing stranger children to share a BEDROOM with 2 adults, she doesnt know, they dont know her, barely know her parents.

Its incredible

The best idea would be for your sister to swap rooms with Judy and then the daughter can have a blow up bed in the lounge area if there is no sofa bed . It’s totally inappropriate for a 12 yo girl to be bed sharing with an 8 yo boy that she doesn’t know / isn’t very closely related to .

WTF?? Well done for saying no OP. Your sister is being ridiculous!!

Erm a 12 and 8 year old can’t bunk down in the same bed together. If the eldest was male they’d be red lights flashing all over the place.

Just tell your sister to stop being an interfering nutcase. Make it into a joke if you like, but let her know her idea is totally insane and you won’t be taking it seriously let alone going along with it.

What planet does your sister live on that 12 year old girls want to make friends with 8 year old boys? Or want to sleep in a place with strangers at all? I would have had nightmares and felt abandoned if this was forced on me at any age.

Your sister has issues. I’d want to just cancel and find a different place to stay.

Just tell her "No, YOU are being unkind, you came up with a plan that doesn't work for us and you're now trying to guilt me into it, Stop it".

Problem is sister has got huffy and says I'm being unkind. Her pov is that the children will love it and it will be one big happy camping trip. It's a wedding so we all have to pull together and make do

Your sister is a bit of a plonker with very odd ideas of what constitutes fun for an 8 year old boy and 12 year old girl that have never even met. Tell her it's not the bloody Waltons, the dafty.

Just say no and no again OP. If your sister has form for railroading now is a good time to stand firm - because this idea is nothing short of lunacy.

@curlywillow has the perfect response. This is completely inappropriate for the children and I can’t imagine why Judy thinks it’s a good idea. They can bring an air mattress for her.

Do you know what I am going to suggest this. Just a bit reluctant to offer up solutions to something that was never anything to do with me.

Although the more I think about it all the more I'm sure that none of this was much about the sleeping situation and all about my sister trying to force me, Judy, the husband and the children together, hence the sharing of the kitchen when the obvious thing would be to let Judy use sisters kitchen.

Not this 'kind' bollocks again!

That word really is used to bash women around the head.

I never thought about it from a safeguarding the adults POV for this thread with their being 2 adults.

But it certainly cross my mind for the similar Op in bed with MIL and her DF with his 3 nephews. The DF is nuts if he agrees to sleeping in a room with 3 little boys.

Good idea, @Applecrumbleandcustatd . I’d be inclined to use the word “ inappropriate” to your sister as well, to reinforce that you’re not going to change your mind. It genuinely is inappropriate to have the children who don’t know each other share.

Judy probably doesn't think it's a good idea either. It's the sister who hasn't thought it through.

I would be really surprised if Judy was in on this, and would suspect she would be equally unenthusiastic about your sister's proposal. Just keep saying No, your sister sounds mad! And immature 🙄