To not want child I don't know bunking in with us?

[Applecrumbleandcustatd]

We are going away soon to attend a wedding. Me, dh and our ds age 8. We are staying for a week as the wedding is quite far but in a great location so we decided to turn it into a holiday.

My sister and bil, and my sister's friend (I'll call her Judy) and Judy's dh and child, are also attending the wedding and will be staying in the same accommodation. It's a large B&B house with individual rooms/apartments.

I don't know Judy other than to say hello (this is relevant).

Dh and I booked our accommodation first, it's a one bed apartment with kitchen and sofa bed in the lounge for our son. We told my sister about it and she and her dh booked another of the apartments and decided to also make a few days of it too, fine.

Sister told Judy about the B&B and Judy then booked up the last room. Judy's room is only a double room rather than an apartment. My sister has told Judy that her dd can bunk in with us for the week and share the sofa bed with our ds. Also that Just can share our kitchen.

The dd is 12 or 13 afaik. We don't know Judy or the dd. I've spoken to Judy in passing but I've never even met the child.

I've said no but my sister is saying I'm being selfish as Judy hasn't got room and the dd will have to sleep on an airbed.

Op just needs to fine her inner Zammo and Just Say No.
Trying to move accommodation will most likely result in her loosing her deposit for the accommodation she has already booked.

I'd be incredibly surprised if Judy or the DD were actually up for it. It sounds like the sister has come up with the idea without thinking it through for all concerned.

She’s probably telling Judy that OP is fine with it.

And it’s completely irrelevant that the sister doesn’t have kids. People always seem to trot that one out. I don’t have kids but I can still see that this is a terrible idea.

You can't just offer someone else's accommodation or facilities to another person, that's ridiculous. Just tell her no and that as she made the offer of helping out she can sort something for them herself. Let her away with this she'll keep offering people your help. None of this is your problem or for you to deal with.

Yup I agree with other posters. Judy and her daughter will have to share the double bed. End of.

I agree. OP, I wonder what your sister is telling Judy...

I find it very unlikely that Judy is up for making her 12 year old daughter share a sofa-bed with an eight-year-old boy she's never met! Until you hear otherwise, assume that Judy is sane, and it's only your sister who's in the habit of trying to orchestrate close friendships through manipulation.

Does Judy even want to stay for the whole week, or did she economise on a double for the three of them because she planned for the family only to stay a night or two?

Whaaat? Judy wants her 13yo DD to share a sofa bed with your 8yo DS. Er No. Just no.

Hell no

My sister would suggest something as stupid as this.

Just say no, repeatedly. I find that eventually works for me

Is there anyway you can get hold of Judy’s phone number (could the bride let you have it?). Circumvent your batshit PITA sister and text Judy “Hi there! Looking forward to seeing you at the wedding. Not sure if you are aware but sis has been pushing for your daughter to share a sofa bed with my 8 yr old son in our apartment!! Totally crackers of course - they would both be utterly mortified and your poor daughter has never even met us so would be in with total strangers! Madness! Hope you get your extra bed sorted!”

As an aside, I have spent nights on an air bed and they are perfectly comfortable esp when you are 12 ie not prey to the aches and pains a 40/50 yr old would have!

Nope and fairly sure Judy and her DD wouldn’t be happy with it anyway so no problem. Other than your sister is going to be put out. Let her be.

The dd is too old to be sharing a bed with a boy, even if he is only 8. Keep saying no to this imposition. It's not fair of either dc.

Please do let us know the outcome of all this

<nosy>

This

An 8 Yr old boy and a 13yr old girl can't share a sofa bed! That's ridiculous.

My mum used to do this and it infuriated me.
When I finally got my license, she’d be talking to my great aunts on the phone and I’d hear her say, “Oh Dream will do that for you,” or “Dream will take you,” or “Dream will run and get that for you.”
It wasn’t that I minded - I loved them - but not asking me & volunteering me was disrespectful. I was in school, had extracurricular activities and a job.
It’s the same thing with your sister, @Applecrumbleandcustatd- she’s volunteering you without taking your feelings or opinion of the matter into consideration at all.
Stand your ground.

You said no. You don't have to justify yourself any further. If your sister persists you need to say 'I've said no and I meant it so stop going on. I'm not going to change my mind' be assertive and say it like you mean it. If your sister gets huffy, let her be huffy. You are not responsible for her moods.

This. Your sister has no business to offer your accommodation to random people. Suggest to her she swaps with Judy. A point blank no is needed.

This is so batshit, I doubt Judy even knows let alone thinks it is a good idea.

I think you need to tell your sister you need Judy's number to discuss direct with her. If she won't share, then she's clearly not given all the information to Judy or is making parts up. If she does, then job done, call Judy and say you're sorry but you're not willing to let your son share a bed with a girl he doesn't know.

I agree with all the other posters. Make sure that 'Judy' knows - your sister can do that as she is responsible for this mess. It would be unfair and inappropriate (even in the sense of legal child safeguarding) for you to take part in this. I'd also let the apartment people know that you specifically want privacy for your family. I'd ask them to ensure that only you are given keys to your apartment - no one else is to collect them for you. Poor children, what a horrible idea, going to a wedding at that age is bad enough.

Yep and Judy’s husband can share the sofa bed with the 8yo DS

Problem solved.

Hones The sister is a bit of a bell piece.

no, dont offer to share the fridge either, or anything at all. What if they want the milk at 11.30 pm, or 6.30 am, or whatever. Just no. This is your holiday

Judy must be a bit dim to book accommodation that doesn't fit her family.

it isn't even simply a matter of Judy's daughter sharing with OP's son.

This proposal requires Judy and husband to usher their daughter into someone else's apartment for bedtime every night. A 12/13 year old girl will not have the same bedtime as an eight year old!

What happens in the morning? Does she have to go running down the public corridor in her pyjamas to her parents' room in the morning, so she can get dressed?

Who would want to want to wake up in a stranger's living room every morning, if you could just have an airbed in the same room as your mum and dad?

Does your sister not understand that a teen girl and an 8 year old boy will have absolutely nothing in common and want nothing to do with each other. She keeps saying 'tge children will love it' but she's not a child in the same sense your son is, even if she doesn't have kids this must be obvious to her. My 13 year old would be affronted at the idea of sharing a room with a random family and sharing a bed with a random boy. Your sister sounds like a pushy busy body and you need to be firm with her. Tell her to put the girl up in her room