To not want child I don't know bunking in with us?

[Applecrumbleandcustatd]

We are going away soon to attend a wedding. Me, dh and our ds age 8. We are staying for a week as the wedding is quite far but in a great location so we decided to turn it into a holiday.

My sister and bil, and my sister's friend (I'll call her Judy) and Judy's dh and child, are also attending the wedding and will be staying in the same accommodation. It's a large B&B house with individual rooms/apartments.

I don't know Judy other than to say hello (this is relevant).

Dh and I booked our accommodation first, it's a one bed apartment with kitchen and sofa bed in the lounge for our son. We told my sister about it and she and her dh booked another of the apartments and decided to also make a few days of it too, fine.

Sister told Judy about the B&B and Judy then booked up the last room. Judy's room is only a double room rather than an apartment. My sister has told Judy that her dd can bunk in with us for the week and share the sofa bed with our ds. Also that Just can share our kitchen.

The dd is 12 or 13 afaik. We don't know Judy or the dd. I've spoken to Judy in passing but I've never even met the child.

I've said no but my sister is saying I'm being selfish as Judy hasn't got room and the dd will have to sleep on an airbed.

Your sister thinks this can be a big merry camping trip but it's not a camping trip is it? You booked a comfy appartment where you ánd your son will enjoy the comfort of real beds where you can sleep undisturbed untill noon if you so choose to. Judy can complan all she wants but she'll have to arrange an inflatable for her daughter - and I think the girl would rather sleep in the shower than sharing a bed with an 8 year old boy anyway.

The kids won’t fucking love it. As a 12-13 year old I’d have been absolutely fucking horrified at being told I was sharing a bed with an 8 year old boy I’d never met, in a room with two complete stranger adults. Absolute batshit.
Just say fucking no. Then say it louder.

@SofaSpuds is so right. It is highly likely that a proposal of accommodation swap will be the next offer.

Step away from sorting this out or offering solutions. Just say no to anything that isn't sole use of the accommodation by yourself. Potentially you could also be in breach of your booking if other people (especially those you don't know) are coming in/out.

In future, I'd stop telling your sister anything (or just make it up).

EDIT: Just seen that your sister is making a little holiday of the trip too, is Judy? If she is (or decides to extend once she's there) and you offer the kitchen, you could be arranging your whole holiday around access to your apartment. Keys, food, crockery, timings...

Judy should have thought about where her daughter was going to sleep before booking. Not your problem, your sister is a CF.

As the mother of a 12yo girl I would never let her sleep in an apartment with strangers or share a bed with another child she didn’t know especially a boy. And there is no way she’d ever consent to it. I would however have no problem booking a double room for her to share with DH and myself. She still wants to get in bed with us at night which we usually say only for a quick cuddle then back to your own bed. She’d love getting to share with us.

Your sister is definitely batshit, I’m assuming she’s got no children of her own. I’d just completely grey rock her or say fine give me Judy’s number so we can talk logistics then tell Judy absolutely fucking not. I bet Judy isn’t even on board with this.

Your sister had serious boundary problems clearly.
my daughter would have hated to share with someone unknown at 12/13 and equally my 8 year old DS would have hated it too. Stand your ground OP and if she isn’t talking to you I think your holiday will be more peaceful!

Just no Op. No.

I can barely get my three sons to share a bed nowadays. 16, 14 and 12. They act like it’s against their human rights. We have to book 3 bedrooms at centre parks, forest holidays etc which works out because they don’t even want to share rooms! If I told them one of them would be sharing with an unknown girl - all hell would break loose.

You are not being unreasonable. I also can’t see an early teen girl being ok with this. Especially if she doesn’t even know the family she’s meant to be bunking with!!

It’s batshit and tell your sister to fuck off. In fact, tell your sister you would like Jane’s number so you can discuss and I bet she - your sister - will back down.

Sorry if I have missed this but is Judy and Sister both staying the full week as well?

I do think this may be more about you babysitting while Judy and Sis party than about pushing you together with Judy's family....because that just seems odd to me.

But I can reassure you you are not unreasonable

You don't know 'Judy' and I think your child may have a problem with this! Say no. You found your accommodation and were kind enough to share the idea with your sister. If she wants to offer to swap she can. Your not being selfish! Honestly a bizarre suggestion but also the fact that she is offering your space away. As others have said a teenager in some spaces needs to be declared as an adult! Say no so you don't risk losing your accommodation! X

Your sister has got very weird ideas.

or say fine give me Judy’s number so we can talk logistics then tell Judy absolutely fucking not. I bet Judy isn’t even on board with this.

Actually, I think this is a good idea.

If possible, I would look for alternative accommodation away from these people.

yeah nah. I've got a sister like this. She's a fuckin horror and I've had to set boundaries, firm ones. We no longer speak and the relief of not being controlled is just lovely.
I see grey rock is being recommended-literally just ignore her batshittery.
And hell yes to protecting your booking with a password!

I see another PP has spotted this but I guess the reason your sister is doing this is so Judy and sis can palm kids off on you and away out for drinks/fun times.
While you 'pull together' by providing free childcare.
Its perfect for them. Family holiday with you looking after the kids. You've already got one, what will one more matter?

Unanimous No. good for you for standing firm.

Cut your sister out.
Get Judy’s number - tell her no.
Text sis you’ve said no to Judy and that you will be deleting any further texts from sis about it
end of

Aside from how awkward and weird this will be for both kids, and the safeguarding issues for Judy's DD, you would essentially be responsible for a young teenage girl you don't even know! What if she had an accident? Got sick? Wandered off? So many things could go wrong and there's no way you should have that responsibility on your shoulders. You're a wedding guest not a nanny and your sister is being an absolute a hole to think this is ok.

Where do your husband & son figure in all of this as far as your sister is concerned Op?

I'm guessing not at all!

They surely also get a say in who sleeps in/shares your holiday appartment?

It's not just you saying no!

So glad MNs have given you the courage to speak up.😃
Enjoy your holiday

Didn’t know about Arkell v Pressdram and will defo use it from now on 🤣

We have twins - they stopped sharing sofa beds in hotels around the age of 6 there is just not enough room. Ridiculous suggestion from your sister.

I’d be looking to change apartments- for one that is a good distance away. Just so you remove yourself from the “enforced group situation” and get some peace on your holiday!

And if you can’t, the only logical solution to the problem is that your sister and her husband take the double room and give her the apartment - and they all share the kitchen in that apartment. Then you guys can join them if and when you want to.

Ypu can't have a girl and a boy of those ages share a sofa bed..moreover it's not your sisters place to offer up your accommodation. Its crazy. S
Does she have form for this? If I were Judy I would never take her up on this. How embarrassing

I was expecting to read there will be 2 single beds in your apartment. But that's totally inappropriate for children that age of the opposite sex to be sharing a sofa bed. The other couple should have found some accommodation that had room for them all. Even siblings of the opposite sex that age wouldn't be happy sharing a bed.

I wouldn't even agree to letting them make coffee. You hardly know them it's weird

Surely a 12 year girl won’t want to share a bed with an eight year old boy, whether she knew him or not!

Stick to your guns, op.

I’d book alternative accommodation and not tell her that you won’t be there. But I’m a dick.