To not want child I don't know bunking in with us?

[Applecrumbleandcustatd]

We are going away soon to attend a wedding. Me, dh and our ds age 8. We are staying for a week as the wedding is quite far but in a great location so we decided to turn it into a holiday.

My sister and bil, and my sister's friend (I'll call her Judy) and Judy's dh and child, are also attending the wedding and will be staying in the same accommodation. It's a large B&B house with individual rooms/apartments.

I don't know Judy other than to say hello (this is relevant).

Dh and I booked our accommodation first, it's a one bed apartment with kitchen and sofa bed in the lounge for our son. We told my sister about it and she and her dh booked another of the apartments and decided to also make a few days of it too, fine.

Sister told Judy about the B&B and Judy then booked up the last room. Judy's room is only a double room rather than an apartment. My sister has told Judy that her dd can bunk in with us for the week and share the sofa bed with our ds. Also that Just can share our kitchen.

The dd is 12 or 13 afaik. We don't know Judy or the dd. I've spoken to Judy in passing but I've never even met the child.

I've said no but my sister is saying I'm being selfish as Judy hasn't got room and the dd will have to sleep on an airbed.

I have a 12 year old Dd and if I asked her to bunk in with an unkown 8 year old boy she would not. Never. She would post blank refuse. It’s just so terrible.

There would be no way in hell I’d be okay with my 13 year old dd sharing a room (‘apartment’ whatever) with a strange random man (your Dh) I didn’t know. And no way as an adult I’d be comfortable putting myself in a situation where a random child might be exposed to Dh and I changing clothes, using the loo, showering, anything else you do in the privacy of your bedroom.

I 100% wouldn’t be surprised if Judy is also unaware / being coerced into this bizarre situation too. It sounds like the kind of thing a person like your sister would do. Why just try to control one family when two are available. You might also be doing Judy a favour by saying no!

OP, I think you're being a bit too kind to your sister here as regards her motives. Call me a cynical cow but I think it's less about bringing people together and more about ensuring she and her DH are not inconvenienced.

Totally, completely, absolutely 💯 inappropriate.

JUST SAY NO.

8 year old boy sharing a bed with a 13 year old girl he doesn't know is not "fun". Run a mile from this.

As a retired teacher, I can assure you that if your son mentions at school that he had to share a bed with an unknown older girl, the safeguarding officer will be told and you could expect a phone call.

If I were you, I try find alternative accommodation and say nothing to your sister about it.

Or, message her one final time about this and say … I want to be clear, we are not sharing any part of our accommodation and you need to ensure Julia is aware of this prior to arrival…. And don’t engage and further with her about this.

Why is your sister pushing strangers on you.
Absolutely not!

Your sister can look after random 12/13yr old, or her own parents. This has nothing to do with you.

Blimey what is wrong with people these days

Hi, OP -

You didn’t enable voting but it is clear we are with you overwhelmingly and for good reason. Your sister’s idea is bonkers and inappropriate for many reasons.

Ordinarily I wouldn’t suggest this because it may be hurtful, but it sounds like desperate measures are required. Why not just show your sister this thread?

There's a lot of talk (rightly so) about the DD being mortified about sharing with the DS, but actually it's HIS bed and the focus should be more on him. He won't want it and it's not appropriate for him either.

PS I have just skimmed the thread so I apologise to anyone who thought of that first

PPS OP will then need to NC!

My 12 year old DGD wouldn’t dream of sleeping with her 8 year old cousin my DGS nor would I ask her. As someone has already suggested, your sister swap rooms with her friend, allowing 12 year old daughter to sleep in the sitting room.

Absolutely not !

We live in a strange world of allegations and all sorts.

Not a chance would I put my family in that position. You don't know the kid

If the girl made an accusation against a member of your family you would be in an appalling situation. Your sister is so very wrong here, and you have to stand up to her very loudly and clearly. See this as the start of a new relationship - one where you do not dance to her tune. She needs to respect you - so you’re going to have to train her to do so.

Your sister is massively taking the piss. Doubt Judy’s daughter wants to stay with a family she doesn’t know either! This is such a bizarre suggestion, let alone the insistence that it must happen. Jesus

"the children would love it". I struggle to think of a 12 /13 yo old girl who would love to share a bed with her 8yo brother, much less a completely random 8yo boy.

You sister is being silly.

I don’t understand… why can’t she share the double with her daughter and why does she need access to a kitchen?

There is no way I would put our eight year old son at risk by forcing him to share a bed with a 12/13 girl.

If you’re sister isn’t concerned about the safety of her own kids, she can have her stay over.

Nope! Tell her she can say whatever she wants about you, you won’t be changing your mind.
Let her have a tantrum.
Then I’d lessen contact.

The girl would be horrified at the idea anyway.

Indeed. That, really was my first and main thought. That I'm not going to let my son share with a child we don't even know.

My sister has lots of wacky ideas about what is right and appropriate for ds and lots of other peoples children. She is quite honestly an interfering busybody.

Ours is an apartment and the friend's is a double room which she's booked for her, her husband and daughter.

That was the last available room guessing sister and Judy wanted the same accommodation. I've not asked too many questions tbh because side I don't want to involve myself any further with my sisters friends arrangements.

@Applecrumbleandcustatd I think your sister keeps pushing because you always back down, so she will keep on mithering until you say yes.

I said straight away that I wasn't comfortable with ds sharing a bed with a child he doesn't even know.

Your sister will have taken that as an opener to try and change your mind. You need to say "No, this isn't happening. I am not prepared to discuss this with you because the answer is no. End of"

Ignore her tantrums. She needs pushing back. If it is necessary get your husband to tell her it isn't happening.

I assume she doesn't have children and knows nothing about safetguarding.