Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

364 replies

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 16:36

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

OP posts:
Tel12 · 01/04/2024 22:57

I've never heard of bridesmaids buying their own dresses. By definition you're only wearing it once and someone else is telling you what they want, so they pay! I would politely decline.

pinkmushroom5 · 01/04/2024 23:01

If the bride/ groom are going to require anyone to wear a specific outfit for their wedding, they need to pay for/ provide it.

KevinMcAllistereatsyellowsnow · 01/04/2024 23:03

As far as UK tradition, the Bride's parents would cover the wedding costs for the Bride and her bridesmaids, including dresses, shoes, hair, and accommodation. The Groom and groomsmen's costs (suit hire etc) would be covered by his parents.
Obviously times change and more couples are paying for their own weddings, but it's still seen as gauche to make bridesmaids pay for dresses that are chosen for them.
I was once a bridesmaid where the bride bought a bolt of material and a dress pattern for us to get our dresses made up ourselves. Another where the bride stipulated a black dress and shoes, then gave us £100 each to buy our own style and "top up" ourselves if we wanted. She did buy us all matching jewellery too. Both of these are a bit strange and not the normal done thing though.

Copperoliverbear · 01/04/2024 23:19

Sorry I'm going to decline.

Lunde · 01/04/2024 23:49

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not in the UK

Although it has been a US tradition that has started to catch on

saltinesandcoffeecups · 01/04/2024 23:55

Finally a tradition that you can blame on the Americans 🤣

Yes this is a thing here and nobody really likes it. But it perpetuates.

FTR… when I was married I had 1 BM and a MOH, I told them to wear what they wanted. They both had black dresses and asked if I was ok with that and I told them since I wasn’t paying they could wear chicken suits if that’s what they wanted 🤣

FlamingoFloss · 02/04/2024 00:01

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not a tradition I have EVER heard of. I’ve never bought my own bridesmaid dress and I bought the dresses for my bridesmaids when I got married too

Lifebeganat50 · 02/04/2024 00:03

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

I’ve never heard of that in my life!

user1471522343 · 02/04/2024 00:09

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

no it’s not!!!

MissSookieStackhouse · 02/04/2024 00:09

I’d be declining both of the invites, particularly the one who wants 10 bridesmaids! It’s not a difficult maths calculation, so why is she now surprised at the cost? Why should you pay through the nose for a dress you may never wear again, or which may not even suit your shape/colouring? It would be a ‘no thanks’ from me.

RosalindFranklin13 · 02/04/2024 00:17

It's the British custom for the bride to pay for bridesmaids' dresses, right? If so, I would absolutely decline to pay for a bridesmaid's dress if I were you.

EsmeSusanOgg · 02/04/2024 00:17

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not in the UK

NewName24 · 02/04/2024 00:34

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

Does she not realise that the bridesmaid is a person close to the bride who is asked to help her get ready on the day.
How can 10 people possibly be anything other than a hindrance.

How can she have only just realised that buying 10 dresses was clearly going to cost a lot of money ?? Confused

Nanny0gg · 02/04/2024 00:36

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

Then you're all nuts if you're prepared to pay for her Insta wedding

AhNowTed · 02/04/2024 00:44

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

She's taking the piss.

meegsmalone · 02/04/2024 01:33

Honestly, as a rule I would say if the bride is choosing the dress, she pays for it. However, if she wants the bridesmaid(s) to pay, they choose their own dresses.

Having said that, I think it's so tight to ask a bridesmaid to pay for her own dress, but that's just my opinion

INeedToClingToSomething · 02/04/2024 03:26

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not in the U.K. it's not. Very much tradition and current norm that the dress is paid for by whoever is paying for the wedding.

knockyknees · 02/04/2024 03:50

the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids

10 bridesmaids is ridiculous and chavvy, regardless of who is paying.

Are there 10 groomsmen as well? Who is going to be left sitting in the 'audience' to actually watch this tacky freakshow?

Gooseysgirl · 02/04/2024 03:53

Ridiculous and mean. I paid for everything for my bridesmaids except their hotel rooms.

DrJoanAllenby · 02/04/2024 04:00

10 bridesmaids is going to be horrendous. However it makes it perfect dow you to drop out as she has plenty of others.

No way should you be paying for anything.

Salacia · 02/04/2024 07:29

KevinMcAllistereatsyellowsnow · 01/04/2024 23:03

As far as UK tradition, the Bride's parents would cover the wedding costs for the Bride and her bridesmaids, including dresses, shoes, hair, and accommodation. The Groom and groomsmen's costs (suit hire etc) would be covered by his parents.
Obviously times change and more couples are paying for their own weddings, but it's still seen as gauche to make bridesmaids pay for dresses that are chosen for them.
I was once a bridesmaid where the bride bought a bolt of material and a dress pattern for us to get our dresses made up ourselves. Another where the bride stipulated a black dress and shoes, then gave us £100 each to buy our own style and "top up" ourselves if we wanted. She did buy us all matching jewellery too. Both of these are a bit strange and not the normal done thing though.

I gave my bridesmaids £100 to get a black dress/jumpsuit/whatever they wanted, they were scattered all
over the country and had very different styles so it seemed the easiest thing to do. Didn’t care what jewellery, shoes or accessories they had (although some had black outfits they already loved I told them to use the money for new shoes etc if they wanted). We were all still in university/new graduates at the time so £100 seemed like plenty (none of us had particularly expensive taste).

I thought I was being practical rather than strange!

DailyFailstinks · 02/04/2024 07:42

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

I think that’s the case in the US but it’s never been the tradition here - it seems to be a very new thing ( perhaps another imported custom?)

jannier · 02/04/2024 08:12

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Never heard that before when I got married it was normal to buy your bridesmaids dresses if you couldn't afford it you had less bridesmaids.

isthismylifenow · 02/04/2024 08:23

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

I think its best she only have 9 bridesmaids now.

So its not just the dress you are paying out for. It's everything else as well. Don't forget about all the hen nights and planning as anyone who has 10 bridesmaids, isn't going to be happy with one night up the town for a few bevvys.

isthismylifenow · 02/04/2024 08:29

"Not in the UK" is the new 'cancel the cheque".

I have lost count of how many times I have just read that very same reply.