Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

364 replies

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 16:36

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/04/2024 21:15

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not where I'm from!! Where I'm from the bridesmaid's don't pay a penny. And I'm from a UK country!

5YearsLeft · 01/04/2024 21:18

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

It seems like this comment should start, “In the US…” because it’s often the tradition there.

I was a bridesmaid exactly once in the US, for one of my “closest” university mates. I paid a fortune for the ugliest dress you’ve ever seen, and she never talked to any of her university friends again after the wedding because she was too focused on being married to an arsehole.

So no, don’t pay for the dress unless you pick it.

HettieHelvetica · 01/04/2024 21:23

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not in the UK it’s not.

In the States it’s normal.

cherish123 · 01/04/2024 22:09

Depends. If you get to choose the dress, you pay. If bride chooses the dress (even a choice of), bride pays.

itsjustbiology · 01/04/2024 22:11

My son is getting married in August with 8 bridesmaids. He has paid for all their dresses. 6 adult bridesmaids,1 junior bridesmaid,1 flower girl and he has paid for his best mans suit. He would never ask them to pay.

SlipperyFish11 · 01/04/2024 22:12

I lost a friendship because I let my bm pay for her shoes and bag (my other bm suggested it not me) I bought her dress and I said she could keep it to sell or whatever. She decided to be angry behind my back, not tell me until after the wedding, but spent my wedding announcing her engagement and being off with me.
Just tell the bride! You shouldn't be paying for the dress.

Purpleturtle45 · 01/04/2024 22:13

I've been a BM 4 times and never had to buy a dress. I would not be happy about that.

gillefc82 · 01/04/2024 22:16

For my wedding in 2019 I paid for both bridesmaids dresses and the flower girl’s dress. Paid for all hair and makeup. Got gifts for them all (earrings for BMs, necklace for FG). Paid for shoes for the FG. BMs provided their own shoes but I only asked for them to be silver and both already some heels they were comfortable using.

I think I would decline the invite!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 01/04/2024 22:17

YANBU, especially if the bride is choosing the dress and it's not one you'd wear again.

MaidOfSteel · 01/04/2024 22:19

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

It seems to be the norm in America, but in the UK its not the done thing at all.

I'd decline, OP. YANBU at all. If someone wants you in their wedding party, they buy your dress.

Clarinet1 · 01/04/2024 22:25

Haven’t RTWT but, with all these repeat bridesmaids, whatever happened to “Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride”?

Igpig · 01/04/2024 22:28

Never paid for a bridesmaid dress (or shoes/accessories/makeup) and I paid for the bridesmaid dresses and accessories etc at my wedding. If you don’t want the expense of bridesmaids…then don’t have them - think bride is a cf.

Whoopsmahoot · 01/04/2024 22:32

I paid for my bridesmaid dresses, their make up and hair. They bought their own shoes. I’d never of asked them to buy their own.

tkwal · 01/04/2024 22:33

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Maybe in the USA. UK its at the Brides expense. Maybe why we don't see so many huge bridal parties here

Original poster
MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

OP posts:
bellezarara · 01/04/2024 22:39

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

Tell her to leave the jewellery and provide dresses. And do your own hair and make up.

She wants a champagne wedding on a lemonade budget. Rein her in.

Rycbar · 01/04/2024 22:39

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

It isn’t though.. not in the UK. Brides normally pay for their bridesmaids dresses

Tempnamechng · 01/04/2024 22:41

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

Not in the UK. Buying your own bridesmaids dress is an American thing.

Theroadnottravelled · 01/04/2024 22:42

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

10 is ridiculous and unnecessary. She needs telling.

yikesanotherbooboo · 01/04/2024 22:45

The Band G cannot expect their attendants to be out of pocket. This is a bit like the destination wedding scenario or those country house weddings where the guests have to stay at the venue at great expense; in order to have the wedding of their dreams the costs are passed on to the guests. It's really not on.

DappledThings · 01/04/2024 22:49

MrsB777 · 01/04/2024 22:35

I think the issue for one of the weddings is, the bride has decided to choose ten bridesmaids, and has now realised she can't afford dresses for us all!

We are also paying for our own hair, make up and shoes. She is providing jewellery for us.

10 bridesmaids is completely ridiculous. And will look it.

MartinsSpareCalculator · 01/04/2024 22:53

Even when the bride is just stipulating a colour as opposed to a specific dress she should pay for bridesmaid dresses.

I don't actually want a dress in sage green, burnt orange, aubergine or some other god awful colour dress I wouldn't ever choose, so I definitely don't want to pay for one.

If it is literally a case of wear whatever you like then fine.

Allofaflutter · 01/04/2024 22:54

It’s not just the dress not being paid for that has come from across the pond but also paying thousands for hen dos. Stupid all round.

HummingbirdChandelier · 01/04/2024 22:54

YANBU. Weddings bring out the worst in some brides

JackSpaniels · 01/04/2024 22:55

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 01/04/2024 16:46

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

No it isnt
Tradition is that groom pays for the bridesmaid dresses
Or more recently the bride (or parents do)

Swipe left for the next trending thread