AIBU to be depressed by the state of my house

[Myhouseischaoss]

I know everyone will pile on to call me a slob but I need time or money to sort it. I have neither and it’s really getting me down.

No you're not. It's known that your environment can affect your mental health.

Is it 'just' untidy/dirty or actually in dire need of repair?

Just untidy and dirty. Very very untidy. So can’t really clean. I keep trying but as soon as I sort one room it’s back to the original state the next day.

I think this is really common OP, your home often mirrors your mood & vice versa. I can’t recommend enough just finding even 30 mins-1 hour a day and start blitzing it, even if all you manage to do is your living room and your bedroom you will probably feel so so much better for it and then you can plug away at bedroom/bathroom etc.

The hardest part is getting the initial tidy & clean done, once you have done that it can just be a case of 20 mins a day to run the hoover round, clean surfaces etc.

@Myhouseischaoss I totally understand how your living space affects your mood.

Do you live alone or with other people? If you live with others, do they feel the same way as you?

I’d suggest a massive declutter, the less stuff you have the harder it is for messes to form. If you have loads of stuff, especially if you don’t have loads of storage, then it’s relentless trying to keep things tidy.

In that case you need less stuff.
Buy some peddle bin liners and everyday for a week go around the house and collect a bag full either for donation or landfill/ fabric bin.
If you have a car put it in the back ready to donate on Saturday.

Things like clothes and bedding. Things that take up alot of space like bedding and towels you no longer need or children have grown out of.Old scruffy towels can be donated to animal sanctuaries.

When you’re tidying a room are you just moving things about? My house has started getting on top of me so I’m picking off a room at a time. I started on the kitchen yesterday but instead of tidying everything away I’ve sorted through stuff and skipped loads. I’ve decided the only way I’m going to keep on top of things is to get rid of stuff I don’t need. And yes I’ve been watching sort your life out with Stacey Solomon 😀

Just untidy and dirty.

there is nothing “just” about your home being untidy and dirty

do you have children op?

who makes the mess after you’ve tidied up

Sometimes life gets like that. Be kind to yourself.

I think the decluttering suggestion is good. Do a little every day and it can't get back to how it was because you're removing it from the house.

This. You just need to spend what free time you do have chucking out stuff you don’t need (not moving it from one place to another).If it’s too good to chuck out, some charities will come and collect bigger items. Hint: We actually “need” very little of the crap we accumulate 🙂

I saw on TikTok about someone doing 10-minute timer cleans. So pick a room that might give you an easy win - a bathroom. Then see everything you can do in 10 minutes and not a second more (although it makes me feel like it’s a game and I want to keep going.)

Having a messy house makes me feel like poo too, so I’m just about holding on this half-term. 🤣

pick a room, set a 15 min timer. And be ruthless. You can get loads done in 15mins. :)

I used to get like this.

It gets to a point where there's too much to do, so I do none of it.

I now decide I'm spending 25 mins doing X task, set an alarm, get to it. Then have a cuppa or whatever, the another 15/25 minutes, set an alarm and do another task.

It's far easier to say "I'm going to put all the dishes away" rather than " The kitchen is a shithole and it all needs done"

Its amazing how quickly smaller tasks add up and make a massive difference.

Do your bedroom first. Throw out anything you no longer use or it doesn't fit you or you'd never wear it again. Don't allow kids into your bedroom so once you tidy it stays tidy. Clean little bits everyday. Eg. clear off your windowsill and clean with a lemon spray to give the bedroom a fresh smell. Change the bedding. Pick up any dirty laundry and wash. If your bedroom has any clutter get rid of it. Vaccine. Wipe over surfaces like a chest of drawers with lemon cleaning spray. Once you've got your bedroom looking good move on to the bathroom. Etc etc. If you have DC make them help take off their dirty clothes and put them immediately into a laundry basket. DC can pick up toys before they go to bed.

Why do you think everyone will pile on to call you a slob? For all we know, you could have no arms or legs, and your carer has been run over by a bus.

So, I knew I’d get some unpleasant responses.

I have two children.

Yesterday one napped and one was at the park with DH. I spent ages sorting upstairs, tidying, hoovering and dusting. Still only got 3 out of 4 rooms done and not the bathrooms.

Then downstairs I’m trying to tackle today. A few days ago I cleaned mopped and dusted the dining room. And within a day or two days max looks like no one’s done anything 😭

Examples (please don’t answer giving me specific advice pleeeeeease.) DS has a toy doctors set. Picked up a toy stethoscope from the kitchen, toy scissors from the downstairs toilet, some other thing from the lounge some other thing from the conservatory. I put them all back together within an hour they’re all scattered far and wide again.

Same child is obsessed with knocking cushions and throws off the sofas so I actually hid them under the stairs and he fucking found them 😭 😭 😭

I am constantly tidying and as a result I don’t get anything productive done as by the time I’ve cleared an area to clean it the baby wakes. And so now it’s like mess on top of mess on top of mess. You can insult me all you like, I don’t even care any more. I have said I’m depressed and some of you just go on the attack?

If I feel overwhelmed I write a list breaking the job into specific jobs and sub divide those even more. I get satisfaction from ticking something off a list so I allow myself put many things on the list! Leaving the list in the room helps so everything you go to the bathroom do 1 thing on the list etc. Or you could focus only on one room at a time, if you focus on the kitchen you might stop being frustrated by the state of the sitting room.

where’s the “unpleasant” responses?

sounds to me like it’s got issues primarily

in which, focus needs to be on getting them to understand that toys are put away properly and neatly

No one will be pile on, it's easily done to get overwhelmed. Start with your bedroom, clear any clutter, sort clothes into piles, open the windows and get some fresh air in. Who do you live with and can they help ?

does your DH help? clear up? or create mess?

Just saw your update, that doesn't sound unusual. My house was very messy when kids were little, as long as its a clean mess then it's fine.

You're not a slob, as someone who was would either not notice or genuinely not mind the mess.

If you cleaned mopped and dusted the dining room it's not going to be awful in a couple of days. Untidy maybe but not unclean.

Is the eldest child old enough to help you tidy away toys before bed?

What does your DH do around the house?