AIBU to be depressed by the state of my house

[Myhouseischaoss]

I know everyone will pile on to call me a slob but I need time or money to sort it. I have neither and it’s really getting me down.

Do an advanced search of a user called "shithole" or something like that. There's been a lot of advice shared on her threads that may benefit you.

I do but there’s only so much stuff you can get rid of! I think it’s a combination of kids toys, stuff like wellies and coats and food for two kids three times a day. Keeping on top of that means no time for proper deep cleans elsewhere.

Watch sort your house out… it’s very inspiring, then do a room at a time, get everything into the middle of the room and sort- bin, sell, charity, then clean the room and out everything back. It will look much worse before it looks better but you’ll feel much better! Good luck!

Maybe just accept that it's going to be like this for a while, until your kids are bigger?

Trying to keep a tidy house with young DCs is impossible OP so go easy on yourself. Also there is a difference between messy and dirty, messy can be sorted pretty easily by just putting toys and clutter away. The harder bit is cleaning. Can you and DH set aside time each week to clean or at the weekend, to hoover, mop and clean bathrooms - say max 2 hours then the rest of the week is just tidy as you go. As Ps have said having a massive declutter and organising storage for everything also helps. How old are your DC, could they also get on board with putting away toys?

I feel your pain. Its a daily slog doing the normals chores, then add on top all the lego scattered across the house, things pulled out from everywhere, spills on the carpet, crap scattered down the stairs etc from my darling DS. My DH is awful at housework but he works hard all day so don't mind. I can clean all day then DS comes back from school and it's like a bomb has hit again. The dog comes back from his walk with DH and has mud all over the floors that have just been mopped/walls/kitchen units 😖 basically you just have to keep going and it will probably always still be messy, but better. Also I throw out so much that we don't use, whenever I come across something we don't need. It helps as there's less to tidy up/around.

Thanks all. I came down before and I (honestly) cleaned downstairs Thursday most of upstairs Saturday and it looked a mess, toys everywhere and not even ‘tidy’ toys, bits of this toy here and bits of that toy there and everything a state and I did an inward ‘waaaah’

It must be so stressful having a dog as well. I do love them but can imagine. Mud and hairs!

I think a big thing that helped me was changing my mentality that cleaning and washing will ever be “done”. It’s a constant job that will never be over. Depressing yes, but it helped me a lot.

Are there other issues going on apart from tidying your house ? That's the vibe I get.

I feel like I’m in a constant cycle of cleaning & tidying, only ever making a dent in it. But I spend so much time… Having too much stuff is the problem here. I do get rid of things. But I buy more!

Hey OP. Big hug! I get it, you try and sort something and then in an instant a small person smears their greasy fingers on something, spills some juice on a cleaned rug or just empties their toy basket. It's exhausting, as well as then feeling bad for tidying and not spending time with the ones you're tidying for!

I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and "nesting". I have moments of feeling insane when I look at a cobweb, dirty skirting board or mark on wall. Other times I tell myself that it's life and actually incredibly normal.

My advice would be similar to other PPs... dedicate small bursts to a quick tidy here and there, but remember that you won't be on your death bed wondering why on earth you didn't put more pairs of pants away. You'll be thinking of the time you spent with the people you love the most. They don't care what state the house is in, remember that (so long as they're clean, clothes are clean, there's a basic level of hygiene going on!).

It's also worth reminding yourself that your distress is likely due to comparing your household to others. If no other households existed, you would probably feel much better about the state of your house... and in this day and age its easier than ever to compare due to the content we can readily access of people's homes on social media. More often than not, such people have spruced up the room their filming in/have watched something back and thought shite, that looks a bit messy and then amended it. What I'm saying is, just try and live in your own little bubble whilst you're sorting things out, and bear in mind that when it's your home, you always see WAY more than visitors do.

Also, put some perspective on it if you're really struggling - we aren't living in a war zone, your children are fed, watered, clean, safe, loved and have a wonderful mum ❤️

Commiserations, OP.

Don't be disheartened by some nasty responses. There are some unkind people on MN today, probably enjoying themselves tremendously.

I'd start with the toys and a big plastic storage bin. If he has sets like the doctor kit with several items in them and he doesn't seem to play with them the way they're designed, they're basically just clutter. Pack them in the storage bin. Write the contents of the bin on the side or lid with a sharpie. Keep out only bigger toys that are easy to pick up.

Clap yourself on the back for getting some bedrooms done - look at the glass half full here. Same goes for cleaning a few days ago downstairs. Look at the children - all fed and nobody dead at the end of the day? That's a win.

It really is a matter of chasing your own tail for the years when your children are small. Weaning can be very stressful, as is dealing with toddlers and preschool age children with the focus of a gnat.

I recently got a robot vacuum cleaner (thanks Mumsnet) and as it's my fun new toy I am actually motivated to tidy up for it. It is a secret from the kids so I activate it in the middle of the night.

It has transformed the state of the floors downstairs, now just need to figure out the rest of the house which is a lot like yours by the sound of it!

In theory this is a good idea but I just end up forgetting about stuff!
That says they have far too many toys, decide not to buy another toy for at least 3 months and crate everything and label and only allow one crate opened at a time and stair gate on playroom ; toys stay in there, start training them to this, little ones can be taught to tidy toys away; they do it in nursery.
Lots of good advice on here.

Lots of good advice here OP. Good luck!

You have too much stuff but you are also not having your kids tidy up after themselves. There is absolutely no reason they can't put their toys away, and they shouldn't be allowed to drag something else out until the toys they are done with are put away. Get each of them their own basket, whatever, and get them to do their share. My kids were putting their stuff away by two, (with my help and encouragement, obviously), so every kid can help out, especially as they get older.

I feel you. Nobody in my house makes any effort at all and my husband is a hoarder, as is his mum. She recently moved house,
which meant we got boxes of crap from his childhood. The place is a shit tip and he wonders why I’m never horny.

How old are the kids? If your son is old enough to be wandering about the house spreading his toys about he is old enough to learn how to tidy them back up - make it a game, a race etc and set a new rule that a toy needs to be put away before the next one comes out.

Watch Sort Your Life Out on BBC with Stacey Solomon - lots of good advice on decluttering and tidying - if a dinjng room can be that messy a day or two after being cleaned then it must have too much stuff in it.

A busy house hold does need some tidying and cleaning done each day to keep on top of it so a rota for each day might help. And cleaning the kitchen and food mess up after your baby has eaten plus cleaning the toilets really need to be a daily activity

Op are you the same poster who is frequently posting about her messy house??

Same. Involving the largely absent husband perhaps.

How old is your son? I’m strict (probably Victorian level strict) that at the end of the day toys have to be put away. And my kids have to do it, though I will help.

But mainly, bin/donate/sell as much as possible, set time each day, make the H do more, teach the kids to put things away before getting something else out, and seek support for your mental health. You were clearly feeling got-at early on in the thread, but no one was getting at you at all, so I suspect those feelings are coming from within.

Reading with interest. I don't have small children any more but desperately need to declutter, especially as we're also clearing my mum's house, I can't have any more stuff in here.
I've made the porch at least my 'tidy space' so I have somewhere nice to sit and nobody is allowed to dump stuff there, trying to get rid of things like encyclopedias that nobody ever looks at and just takes up space but sympathies OP, my lot seem determined to see an empty space I've managed to create, and then just dump stuff there!

OP, some charity shops will pick up your donations. The British Heart Foundation in my city does. It makes such a difference and getting rid of stuff is cathartic.

Thanks for the kind responses.

I don’t know what the ‘other issues’ people are alluding to are … I’m sort of getting the impression people are hinting at me being someone or something but don’t understand.

Re DS, no, he will not tidy up. I had a fifteen minute battle over picking up two stray raisins before.

Of no other issues, then you have lots of top tips here. Personally I do one "area " at a time and don't try to say "today I will tidy the house"