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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make a complaint against cashier at supermarket?

175 replies

Tess1011 · 01/04/2024 15:24

I have an invisible disability (neurological) and I was made to feel really small and stupid during our shop visit today. I have only recently began joining my husband and children on the weekly shop again run to rebuild my confidence after an operation.

The cashier was scanning very quickly and the shopping was piling up before my husband was able to get to it. I was keeping an eye on our son (who has special needs and is prone to running off)

She remarked to me, in a way I can only describe as sarcastically, that I should help him.

Following this, because we were paying for the shopping in two parts (because I was using a healthy start card for my fruit and vegetables) she then commented to me again that I should have just used that card in the first part of the shop. That part of the shopping totalled £68, it wouldn't have worked because there was only £17 on the healthy start card IE enough for the fruit and veg only.

I felt put on the spot and under pressure as I stood there trying to work out if I had made a mistake. Other people in the queue were looking at me and I was embarrassed.

My processing isn't very quick and I can only do things the way that I know them. It took my husband explaining to me after we left the shop that she was wrong and the way I did it was fine as it would have been declined if I had done as she said I should

I'm generally a very laid back person and this is the first time I've ever felt the need to make a complaint like this but I left the shop feeling humiliated, judged and very small.

OP posts:
LittleBrenda · 01/04/2024 16:30

I don't think you are speaking to people how they speak to you.

A poster said that she was a supermarket manager and she would have deleted your complaint email rather than discipline the cashier and your reply was

^You're happy for your staff to make unsolicited comments to your customers? Why do you think that's acceptable?

People have a right to do their shopping without this type of interference. You clearly have no regard for your customers.^

WarshipRocinante · 01/04/2024 16:31

You don’t have to split the healthy start shop into a separate bill. Just use the card and it’ll take that amount off your total from the big shop. Why are you splitting it up?

And if you’ve got some problems which make it harder plus a child with additional needs, then why are you going shopping as a groups? Shopping does not require the whole family. One adult goes. The other adult stays home with the kid.

DanielGault · 01/04/2024 16:31

Tess1011 · 01/04/2024 16:28

I think we can leave the thread here please, I'm unreasonable. The pile on is getting a bit much.

You had a bad experience. Remember that staff are people too. Leave it at that and don't let it tarnish your whole day. Have a good evening.

Original poster
Tess1011 · 01/04/2024 16:31

As per my last post, please can you stop now? I'm hiding the thread.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 01/04/2024 16:31

Another OP who asks if they are being unreasonable, then will not accept that yes they ARE being unreasonable 🤣🤣

Original poster
Tess1011 · 01/04/2024 16:32

DanielGault · 01/04/2024 16:31

You had a bad experience. Remember that staff are people too. Leave it at that and don't let it tarnish your whole day. Have a good evening.

Show quote history

Thank you, you too.

OP posts:
LoopyLooooo · 01/04/2024 16:32

Tess1011 · 01/04/2024 16:30

He respected my wishes which was to leave and not make a scene at the time.

I'm not going to be replying to any more of these posts because the pile on is ridiculous.

I'm very unreasonable, you're all right, cashiers are allowed to speak to people in whatever way they like.

Show quote history

You're the only person talking about 'making a scene'.

The question was, about speaking to a manager.

What does 'making a scene' have to do with anything?

Oheighthundreddoubleohtensixtysix · 01/04/2024 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MultiplaLight · 01/04/2024 16:33

You've massively escalated this OP.

Pinkdelight3 · 01/04/2024 16:33

I left the shop feeling humiliated, judged and very small.

I think that is taking a very minor interaction far too much to heart, but perhaps you can see it as part of this process of building your confidence, and that that won't all be nice experiences that make you feel better, but things like this that may give you a little knock (not as hard as you've taken it, but not all positive) but you'll take it and keep going and be able to cope better next time and not feel so small and judged but brush it off more as them trying to help or having a bad day or just being rude but it being no reflection on you and moving on. It didn't feel nice but it wasn't such a big deal and you don't need to complain. Just see it as a step along to way to your recovery and next time might be a pleasant surprise or much more neutral but if you got another grumpy cashier then you'd know it's not a humiliating thing and perhaps feel more confident to tell her "I'm watching my child" or whatever you'll have in your arsenal then.

dayswithaY · 01/04/2024 16:33

OP, I think people here just appreciate how hard it is to work with the public, many of us have done it. It does sound like she was trying to manage the situation and being considerate to the other shoppers rather than just speaking to you in any way she likes.

The moment has passed, it’s over so just leave it behind you.

DanielGault · 01/04/2024 16:35

OP has said she's out so let it go. I'm sure she has food for thought. No need to keep kicking someone when they're on the ground.

mrsdineen2 · 01/04/2024 16:37

DanielGault · 01/04/2024 16:35

OP has said she's out so let it go. I'm sure she has food for thought. No need to keep kicking someone when they're on the ground.

Like trying to get them sacked you mean?

babysoupdragon2 · 01/04/2024 16:37

Look at their intention- it wasn't malicious. It was perhaps insensitive but he did not know about your disability. Your life sounds really difficult and I can completely appreciate that this interaction could have been a lot more pleasant, but it's 5 minutes of your day.

You can't control what other people say or do, but you can control your reaction to it.

HelloMiss · 01/04/2024 16:38

Nah....if it was as bad as op is trying to portray it to be then they would have complained there and then!

StarlightLime · 01/04/2024 16:39

It's very telling that you equate having a word with the manager with making a scene, op.
You seem to have no concept of how to talk to people in a reasonable manner.

Nanny0gg · 01/04/2024 16:40

KeepingItUnderTheRadar · 01/04/2024 15:40

I have an invisible disability (neurological) and I was made to feel really small and stupid during our shop visit today

As you said, your disability is invisible. People aren't psychic and you'll likely be treated exactly the same as everyone else unless you make it known that you need additional time/space/assistance.

As others have said, the cashier was correct about how you should have put through your shopping.

You expect people to wear a label?

Why not just be pleasant?

Tatlockisthere · 01/04/2024 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What if she wants to build up to going to the supermarket? so going with her husband/carer is the sensible place to start

DanielGault · 01/04/2024 16:41

mrsdineen2 · 01/04/2024 16:37

Like trying to get them sacked you mean?

Show quote history

She's clearly had pause for thought. It's an internet forum, I can't tell no more than you what her intentions are. FWIW I think she was a bit caught up in her own saga and doesn't seem like like she wants to get someone sacked.

Nanny0gg · 01/04/2024 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nice.

Tatlockisthere · 01/04/2024 16:52

DanielGault · 01/04/2024 16:41

She's clearly had pause for thought. It's an internet forum, I can't tell no more than you what her intentions are. FWIW I think she was a bit caught up in her own saga and doesn't seem like like she wants to get someone sacked.

Show quote history

Since she said she doesn’t want them to get sack. She probably… doesn’t want them to get sacked? @mrsdineen2 .

Im sorry you have had a bunch of wankers on this thread @Tess1011 . It’s the third thread in 24 hours where it’s been said that disabled people should stay at home and away from able bodied people- aibu/chat are not spaces to discuss disability, they are overwhelmed with ableism.

I hope you have better luck next time you go out- chalk this up to life as a disabled woman- it won’t be your first or your last time unfortunately.

blandadvertisement · 01/04/2024 16:57

Sorry you feel 'got at' OP! Switch off and enjoy the rest of the BH.

DoreenonTill8 · 01/04/2024 16:58

Thanks @dayswithaY for the name change inspo! 😁
This thread is bonkers again with pp with the rhetoric of 'be kiiiind' to the op, yet stating the checkout operator should 'shut her gob' 'not make unsolicited comments' etc, as if people who serve the public should doff their cap and be grateful they're in their job!

dayswithaY · 01/04/2024 16:59

@DoreenonTill8 I love it!! Fame on Mumsnet at last - be sure to tell everyone I was your inspiration and your muse.

MartinsSpareCalculator · 01/04/2024 17:20

If you want to give helpful advice, it would be more "did you know you don't have to separate out the fruit and veg as the hs voucher can be used in a bigger shop?", not effectively telling her off for doing it a different way.

And no cashier should be telling a customer how to pack their shopping, or telling them to help someone else pack.

People on here are absolutely batshit at times.