My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

Wow, how mercenary are you and your brother/son, nephews. !!!!

Your DD has been beyond generous and shared her good fortune, and you are all moaning !!!

She should have put £1m in a pension for herself, spent the rest and distanced herself from such a grabby unpleasant family.

Is your ds the Golden child?

My dm was so bitter when dh and I bought a detached house with a large garden in an idyllic village.
She actually said 'it's not fair, your db should have this house he's cleverer.'
Yes he is. However he married a woman who spent every last penny on unnecessary friperies.

If you love your dd then do not hold her good fortune against her.

I hope your daughter goes NC with all of you. You are greedy and jealous.

So basically none of you bothered with the aunt when she was alive but you all sat back thinking you'd be getting ££££ when she died. No wonder she was so wealthy, she was clearly very switched on.

And none of that changes a single thing.

Your aunt was close to your DD and not your precious DS (who you seem to favour over your DD) and your DD benefitted from that close relationship when it sadly came time for her to pass.

It is life, but she was not obligated to give you or anyone a penny. She could have left it all to charity.

Instead, she did a kind thing and set your DD up for life and rather than being happy for her-you're begrudging her this and acting resentful.

As for the cousins/brother not being able to afford a house-what did they spend their £50k on? Why do you feel it is your right to police what your DD spends HER money on but not them? And if you care so much about your children all getting a foot on the ladder-why haven't you given the money your DD kindly gave you to your DS to help additionally?

Or are you just ok with spending other people's money and stashing your own?

Your Aunt knew exactly what she was doing. I hope your daughter goes LC with all of her greedy family.

Why would ang of that be a problem?
She doesn't like her brother and he doesn't like her.
Why should she care about how he lives his life?

And the DD has grown up in these socal circles with her lovely aunt who wanted her to have every opportunity in her life

You are resentful and ungrateful and you should all bang your heads together and stop being so jealous.
You can choose to be happy for your daughter and all get on with a good life or you can stay wallowing in each other's miserable company, complaining about your daughter who was very generous.

Why did the rest of you not put deposits down on realestate?

And it would be said 99 per cent’s problem to deal with.

Let’s say I was in the son’s position - me being butthurt wouldn’t suddenly mean the aunt and sister were wrong, or that I was entitled to anything. It would mean that I was butthurt, and that would be on me to suck up.

Good for the DD, I very much hope she doesn’t have to deal with those problems.

Oh any by the way, the inheritance hasn't destroyed the family. Greed and jealousy aimed at your daughter has.

You're so bitter and jealous op.

£50k is perfectly adequate deposit in the midlands. She’s been incredibly generous- the rest of you need to get over your jealousy. It doesn’t matter what aunt should or could have done, it boils down to your daughter has been very generous and the rest of you are being jealous. You are the ones ripping the family apart.

My point also still stands- you were the parent and the biggest influence on your dd life. You knew your aunt favourited your dd and you continued to facilitate this. Presumably you had no problem with this when dd was younger. It’s only now that there is a large inheritance that there is a problem. This inheritance could have been spotted a country mile away. I do wonder what dds version of events is.

Curious that this is posted on 1st April.

But the fact is that they did enjoy each others company and had shared interests. Your Aunt fortunately was able to leave her estate to whoever she wanted and she did. Good on her that she didn’t feel the need to leave it to people just because they were related.

You sound as if you dislike your DD and I’m guessing you’ve now written her out of her own Will and will be demanding your parents don’t include her in anything either.

What did you all say to your DD yesterday that she felt she had to leave ?

My aunt liked DD the most as she was everything my aunt respected, girly and sweet and my aunt could put her in frilly dresses and take her for afternoon tea. My aunt loved putting DD in tennis whites and showing her off to her friends at the tennis club.

I think that confirms what a number of us have suggested - that to the aunt DD was the daughter she never had.

So your dd and her aunt were close and the rest of you had little in common with her.

That certainly helps us to understand why she left everything to your dd.

What it doesn't help us to understand is why you feel so enraged about this.

Is it that, deep down, you feel that you were entitled to your aunt's money? Surely you realise that she could have left it to a friend or a charity if she hadn't left it to your dd... she didn't owe you anything?

I am struggling to understand your point of view.

What are you actually looking for op? For her to sell her apartment and split the money? To stop going on holidays? To go back to working 5 days per week?

Would that make you feel better?

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

No I don't think your aunt has irreparably damaged your family. But I think if you carry on the way way you're going you will.

Well I wasn't going to stop DD seeing her aunt or force DS too was I?

I mentioned to my aunt that it wasn't activities that DS would enjoy and her response at the time was "well he doesn't have to come, I'll do my summer, my way and whichever children want to join me will be welcome"

There's nothing unreasonable about that - she wasn't obliged to have your children for weeks at a time. And she wasn't obliged to leave you her money either. It's not the daughter who is the greedy one here!

She didn’t need to give you all anything. If your aunt wanted you all to have an equal share she would have done that but she didnt

You are all CFs to think you should get more and for making your DD feel
uncomfortable

Maybe you should have all made an effort with your aunt and then you may have been financially rewarded for it

Aunt didn’t do anything wrong. She didn’t have children of her own and enjoyed doing stuff with her great niece. Just one of those things.

And dead right she was!! She graciously created lovely experiences for your DD, she didn’t have to do that.

I strongly suspect you’ve been slacking on savings over the years and riding on the rude assumption that the aunts money would fall equally on you all.

You were happy for dd to live with the Aunt for 2-3 weeks every summer holiday from the age of 6!

WTF do you expect? They formed a very close bond with each other as a result. More like Mother/daughter.

You obviously favour your son. I wonder how apparent it was to your Aunt and dd?

"well he doesn't have to come, I'll do my summer, my way and whichever children want to join me will be welcome"

You mean this woman had the audacity to live her life how she wanted and invite anyone along who was interested??? 🤣

Her choice.

Much like it was all of your choices to be involved or not. Bet you wish you had a time machine now.