My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

I'll get banned if I say what I really think.

Very expedient. However you had 2 children. You allowed them to be treated differently to each other. One went to your aunt and developed a close relationship the other to your parents. I have 3 dc. I would not have allowed them to spend the summer split up like that and and being treated differently.

as said previously- you were instrumental in facilitating this. You are not in a position to moan now you don’t like the final outcome of the arrangement.

I understand the point you're trying to make. Your DD didn't "put more effort in" as some are suggesting, she just happened to have the same tastes as your aunt.

I have seen the same dynamic in my own family.

I suspect the vibe on this thread would be different if rich uncle had left everything to the boy because they played football together.

Oh I 100% agree.

Dear lord I think is one is actually real.

What’s the problem with that? She wasn’t obliged to tailor her summer according to your son’s preferences. She welcomed the children that wanted to join her, and that was your daughter.

Which is an absolutely reasonable response on behalf of the aunt.

OP, it's really simple.

Your aunt loved your dd. Your DD loved your aunt. They were close, spent a lot of time together. Lived together. Shared hobbies and interests. Socialised together. Enjoyed the same things.

Why are you surprised your aunt left her the estate. That's what people do. There is no obligation for her to leave her money to people she barely saw, didn't share interests or hobbies or a social life with, just because they happen to share a grandparent.

Your DD was your Aunt's nearest & dearest. Of course she chose her as her beneficiary. I hope she has a lovely life. She earned it.

You all sound like a bunch of ungrateful, jealous dicks (assuming this is not a reverse).

She didn't make the decision, your aunt did. It sounds like this was based on the closeness of that relationship.

She shared when she didn't have to at all.

How brilliant for her that she's set up at such a young age and how dare you all make her feel shit for it.
If anyone is going to damage the family, it's you lot. Be happy for her or at least learn to hide the bitterness.

Was your Aunt generous to her nephews while she was alive? Did she help with Uni costs, generous birthday and Christmas gifts, etc ?

I am already getting this from my MIL. My parents are extremely rich and have already passed stuff down. That, plus a successful business my husband and I own means we our DC have a number of privileges my SIL’s kids will never have so MIL has already implied that my DC should help their cousins out when they are older as they are likely to get more inheritance and otherwise it would be ‘unfair’, my parents should pay for her grandchildren to go to private school as they have so much they could (for context we pay for our three so though if we did ever have any problems they would step in), and and…… It is extremely annoying. My parents wealth has nothing to do with her.

It sounds like the daughter has built, and is building, herself a good life in London. Its onwards and upwards for her, she can leave the rest of them to sit and seethe in the midlands 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have 14 nieces and nephews.
5 will be remembered in my will.

She did nice gifts but helped no one including DD with uni costs etc.

I do agree with this too - I think it was poor form that the aunt played favourites with your children and wasn't as welcoming to your son but also that you shouldn't have allowed it to happen.

I wouldn't let anyone treat my children so differently from each other.

Honestly, as someone with no aunt or parents to pass my kids onto when I need free childcare I think you’d benefit from some deeper introspection.

You are VERY lucky to have two healthy children who have been loved and given love back accordingly. What a lucky aunt, to have established a unique bond with a niece, one that gave her so much pleasure over the years and enriched her life so profoundly that she, WITHOUT discussing it (ie without lording her wealth as a tool of manipulation as happens so often), passed on her good fortune to your daughter.

It is just money. The bible has much to say about the love of money.

Your Aunt wanted her estate to go to your Daughter, so what the hell is your problem? Your daughter very kindly gave every a large amount of money. Yet the lot of you are being greedy and nasty. Your Aunt had no obligation to any of you. I hope your Daughter enjoys her flat and holidays. The rest of you have had enough. Begrudging your own daughter a home is nasty.

So? No one was entitled to help with uni costs. Why are you struggling with this?

No, it wouldn't be.

It's perfectly reasonable and normal that relationships are formed on shared interests.

In this case, the DD had a lot of shared interests as her aunt and spent time with her.

Stop trying to turn this into a gendered thing when it isn't. If a rich uncle had left his nephew everything because they spent a lot of time together through shared interests-his right to do so-and the nephew would be very lucky and entitled to the full amount of the money. Even if it meant other family going without.

Wow she's been incredibly generous to give away part of her inheritance.

I'm shocked and a bit disgusted at your, and the rest of your families behaviour towards her. No wonder she left early. I'd not want anything to do with you all if I was in her shoes.

Any decent human would be thrilled to have received part of the inheritance and also be really pleased for your dd.

Don't take it out on your daughter OP
But basically I agree with you. Would have been much better to leave her money equally divided between her nieces and nephews with perhaps slightly more to your daughter to reflect the closer relationship. People can say that the others shouldn't be resentful and that they have no right to be. Whilst in theory I agree I'd imagine in 99% of cases that resentment and jealousy would be the outcome especially for a sibling.

It's not in the least ludicrous - that's slightly abrupt as a response. It's certainly what I would hope that my own DC would do. The DD would still be getting £650 at the age of 24, so seven times more than the others who might legitimately have anticipated a share of the aunt's fortune and seven times the amount that you yourself say 'is more money than most will ever see in their bank accounts in their lives'.

I simply can't relate to the greed, in the face of that level of good fortune. I'm not sure that's 'ludicrous'. The DD is very likely to have destroyed the relationship with her brother going forward. I wonder if she'll consider it worth it or whether she will actually enjoy her money, knowing she was so mean.

Your DD sounds a lovely girl. She spent time with her aunt, helped her during covid and gave substantial sums of money to family members after receiving an inheritance she didn’t ask for. You should be proud, not jealous.

It's perfectly reasonable and normal that relationships are formed on shared interests.

I think that's reasonable with adults, maybe even teens, but I don't think it is reasonable and normal to single out one of your nieces/nephews from a young age based on shared interests. Some of my nieces and nephews appeal to me more than others - but if I invite them both to stay, I tailor the visit to suit both of their interests

This story is now in the Daily Mail, OP.