My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

What did you all say to your DD that she felt she had to leave early yesterday ?

I bet half the people on this thread would secretly be a bit miffed if while in their 20s a similarly aged cousin got the lions share of a multi million pound inheritance.😂

Why on EARTH would she give 250k to each person, this is a ludicrous viewpoint. If the aunt had wanted each person to receive 250k, she would have written her will as such. But she didn’t and I’m damn certain she had her reasons for that!

Everyone got a 50k which is more money than most will ever see in their bank accounts in their lives and covers most or all of a deposit for a home. Im very curious to know why the boys are still ‘struggling’ after being gifted a lovely 50k by their cousin. Sounds to me like they couldn’t be trusted with more and they’re simply jealous that the cousin has a life in London.

Just be realistic here. This is life changing money for one person. It’s truly wealth.

Split between the 8 of you it’s 230k each. Whilst that’s quite nice it’s not life changing money wealth amounts. You could easily piss that away with bad financial decisions, or have saved as much with minimal input through your life via investing. So you and your parents shouldn’t need that money. Your son and the cousins could have a mortgage free house in the midlands with that so with that in mind it’s life changing to some modest degree for them potentially.

Basically you have been selfish also. You should have taken your 50k and given that to your son - so he had 100 for a deposit. You parents and brother should have done the same so the cousins had equal 100k each. This would have meant the cousins/ son would have got around half what it would have been if all things equal which might have removed the sting a bit and your daughter still had the generational wealth your aunt wished for her.

No, because no one is entitled an inheritance and not everyone is as greedy as you.

In that case your DD has been very kind to give £50k to someone she doesn't like and who doesn't like her, just because he's her brother.

That's a really divisive situation and wasn't really good thinking on your aunts part. She probably should have split it equally between all of her great nephews and niece, I can see it would particularly cause issues between your daughter and your son- siblings being treated so differently is never a good idea.
Your daughter didn't have to sign any if it away - although as has inherited millions she perhaps could have been more generous to her brother and cousins- percentage wise it was a relatively small amount but I do understand why DD wanted to keep almost all of it herself. Did she have more contact with aunt than the others?
In truth unless she shared it all equally between her brother snd cousins there was always going to be a fall out. She's your daughter don't let this come between you

So your son didn't put any effort into visiting her and then wonders why he's been overlooked in the will?

This.

Jesus Christ, it comes to something when your own mother begrudges you a leg up.

You know, sometimes these threads are so outrageously unjust that I can only assume someone is testing out a plot for some high drama project.

I'm really shocked by the replies!!
My aunt liked DD the most as she was everything my aunt respected, girly and sweet and my aunt could put her in frilly dresses and take her for afternoon tea. My aunt loved putting DD in tennis whites and showing her off to her friends at the tennis club. From age 6 (DS was 10 at the time) DD spent the first 2-3 weeks of the holidays with my aunt, she never offered to have DS before this. DS did 4 days the first year, cried to come home and instead spent the time at my parents. It was never to the boys taste, all picnics and museums and tennis. DD enjoyed it, but more importantly my aunt was doing all the things she loved! If DD hadn't of liked those things my aunt wouldn't have spent time with her either - that was just luck!!
DD lived with her during Covid (she was at uni at the time). I offered to go and stay too so she wasn't alone (she was vulnerable so truly didn't go as much as walk for months) but my aunt told me not to!

It was always on my aunts terms, it was always about doing what she wanted and DD was the only one who fit her image!

Now DD being the only girl and happening to share interests and be the right type of person for my aunt has meant she now gets all the fortune and the others who my aunt wouldn't have spent time with anyway are forgotten !

Why wasn't it good thinking?
BecUse it didn't appease the selfish greedy ungrateful relatives who she had no real relationship with?

Siblings absolutly can be treated differently.
They're individuals with their own personalities and relationships.

How many people are splitting their salaries with poor relations?

I bet she wishes she'd never given any of you anything.

She had a good relationship with her aunt. Your son didn't give a shit in life.

Don't come sniffing round for money left by someone who didn't matter to you when they were alive

You're shocked that people are rightly calling you all a bunch of greedy feckers?

The girl was left it ALL - that was very kind of her to do a deed of variation - was that done voluntarily or was she pressured into it.

Then they should've tried harder.

Why should they have her money?

Oh dear, what a mess. Having favourites is never a nice thing, and then to bring money into the mix, well, it just makes it all worse.

I can sympathise with the OP, and also with the aunt, but if I had been the aunt, I would not have done this. She must surely have known that it would lead to her niece effectively being alienated from the rest of her family.

They weren’t entitled to anything, and they’re still not entitled to anything. Get over it.

Whether you approved of your daughter’s relationship with her aunt is irrelevant. The relationship was obviously important to them, and that’s what matters.

Sanctimonious, anyone? 99 per cent of you would be livid if you weren’t the DD trousering the cash.

OP, I can see why your aunt did this. She had a point. Long term, so do you.

Your aunt has drop-kicked DD up the social scale. That alone will cause difficulties with difference as the years pass. If her DB is struggling on benefits, say, or DC are stuck in an awful
school, or an NHS operation is too late cos you couldn’t go private…. DD will have none of these problems.

It was the aunt's money. Now it's the daughter's money. No one else ever had a right to it.

Sorry op. mY opinion still stands. And if you speak to your daughter with as much contempt as you post about her- with such derision for her likes and hobbies and sartorial choices then you are lucky if she speaks to you at all.

I'd be running far and fast from you tbh.

Oh OP this response has really shown your true colours. Your foaming at the mouth at your daughters good fortune, how ugly. I hope she has great support from her bf and her circle in London. None of you deserve a red cent from her. I wish the aunt had stipulated she couldn’t give you anything.

Greed is wanting or taking something that's not already yours.
It's her money

Your explanation at 14.47 definitely makes the situation clearer. No wonder your aunt left her everything.

£250 to mum, brother, 2 cousins and grandparents would be 1250000. That would be ridiculous. Why wouldn't you honor the will?