My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

RTFT.

OP has stated that the aunt extended open invitations to BOTH the DD and DS and the DS was never interested.

There is zero mention of the DS attempting to build a relationship with the aunt later on when he was older, either.

She didn't favour the DD so much as they shared common interests and built a relationship around that. That is normal.

No one should be sucking up to anyone or build relationships with the sole intent of inheriting from them.

All the same, it doesn't alter the fact that the DD DID have a relationship with the aunt and thus, inherited. The aunt can and should choose who she wanted the money to go to and benefit.

Why should people inherit when they didn't have a relationship with them in the first place? DS had as much opportunity as the DD to visit his aunt. To pick up the phone (especially as he got older) and try and find common interests if he actually cared about her.

But this isn't about that, is it? This isn't about the poor little DS not being cared about or loved the same as the DD or not getting the opportunity to spend time with his dear aunt-because DD took precedence-it's about the DS not receiving money from her estate after she died.

Again-in case I haven't made it clear-you shouldn't have a relationship with anyone just to inherit from them-but you also shouldn't be shocked and hurt that the people you didn't have a relationship with didn't include you in their will.

Such is life. Don't expect to receive anything in life and you won't end up disappointed.

It’s amusing that some people are criticising the OPs DD for not objecting to the favouritism, but not saying a word about the OP allowing, encouraging even, if when it involved the op getting weeks of free childcare

If the OP was Actually bothered about the aunt favouring her DD she’d have put a stop to it when her DD and DS were children.

Not waited until it became known that she and her brother, as the closest relatives to the aunt, weren’t the beneficiaries of the will…

I think I was reasonably clear that I was talking about when the aunt were alive, that I wouldn't have allowed the relationship to be so unequal.

Jeez people are weird about money. Truly, treating it like a weapon/influence, that they can wield to show their favoritism even beyond the grave. This is exactly why, if any family member ever favored me like that financially, I wouldn’t allow it and would divide it equally. Money is just money and allowing it to destroy relationships by valuing it so much and holding on to it, even at the costs of relationships, is not the right way to live. Those who say that the family who got nothing are greedy got it all the wrong way round. Of course it’s the daughter being greedy by not sharing money which she hasn’t earned and which have just come
to her by sheer luck. Those who say she “deserve” it more are treating the inheritance as a reward for the time the daughter spent with the aunt, essentially monetizing that relationship. The human race is disappointing..

I don't see the problem here. Your aunt left the money to your daughter - she is not a parent therefore does not need to treat everyone equally. If you aunt wanted everyone to have an equal shared, she would have divided it equally.

But the OP did allow it.

That's not on the aunt. That's on the OP.

It's highly likely that the OP was happy that one of her children had an in with the wealthy, childless aunt and thought that would make her more likely to benefit in the event of her death. Hence naming her after the aunt.

Unfortunately for the OP, it backfired 😂

Your DD is enjoying her rightful inheritance, she has shared it with the family which she did not need to, and hoped that would smooth the rocky ground. But its sounds like you are all very jealous of her - what exactly did you want her to do? Split it evenly amongst everyone against her aunt's wishes, despite the fact your DD put time and effort into her relationship with her aunt? She has spent almost £300,000 on her family.

She is doomed either way. I hope she enjoys the wealth she now has and the rest of you start been happy for her.

I don't think we disagree here, that was exactly my point? That the OP should never have allowed the favouritism

Minus the comment about the OP's motives which I am neutral on

It’s HER MONEY.
It doesn’t take rocket surgery or brain science to figure that out.
Perhaps the most equitable thing you all could do with this money would be to return your portions to your daughter for “redistribution” since you are all so very unhappy with it.

I’m just wondering, though - did you manage to ever say thank you to your daughter in the first place, Mrs. Vinegar?

Now see I was trying not to say that....

How is that her rightful inheritance? The only thing that makes it rightful
is one (seemingly spiteful) deceased family member’s favoritism. What’s rightful about that 😂

My goodness, what a horrible post. Your dd gifted money to her family when she did not have to, and you are all still feeling resentful.
what awful people you are.

That’s Holborn, Holborn isn’t Hyde Park.

Being envious of your own daughter is such a horrible trait. My guess is that you were already envious of her. If you have a daughter this age you must be at least 45 which is far too old to be envious of anyone.
You have to put this behind you or you will lose your relationship with her which you don’t seem to care about at all.
The thread is incredibly outing BTW.

She didn’t have to give anything away-25k would give you a decent deposit in the mids- you’ve got 50 k to burn. Your daughter is in a wonderful position .

Mmmm good point

It’s not greed to lay claim to money that was never, and isn’t, yours? 😂

She deserves it because the person whose money it was, wanted her to have it. THAT is what makes her entitled to it, and why the others have absolutely no claim on it.

If money means nothing then why are THEY prioritising their bitterness over their relationship with their sister/cousin? Or should money only mean nothing to the person that has it when others want it? That’s convenient. It’s the brother and cousins that have weaponized her money, and it’s them monetizing the relationship between them.

But why would anyone feel they are entitled to an inheritance just because at some point in the past they had a common ancestor?

Why wouldn’t someone leave money to the people and / or causes that they spend time with and loved when they were alive. It’s arguable that parents have obligations to their children (in most circumstances), but beyond that why should blood make any difference?

I would prefer to leave my money to the extended “family” I have chosen, not the extended family I was born into.

And how do you think you would have had this control?

Force the son to visit elderly aunt?

Force the aunt and daughter not ot have such a close relationship?

Such control.

No wonder she left- I bet she regrets giving any of you anything at all now.

I don't get the criticism of the boys for not making an effort with their aunt when she clearly made very little effort with them.

She sounds very self centred - this "take it or leave it" attitude to spending time with her isn't normal family interaction.

• would you like to come and stay? We could play tennis?
• I don't really like tennis, could we go swimming?
• absolutely not, it's tennis or nothing

Is this a normal way to interact with a child in your family? Most people want to build a relationship with the children in their family and will adapt.

For example, I invited my niece next week to join us for a trip to London zoo, her mother said "actually she has just been to the zoo, how about the aquarium?", I said of course, and I will do the zoo another day, not "take it or leave it, zoo or nothing", what a weird reaction that would have been! But it sounds like the way the aunt has been throughout their childhoods.

It's rightful because that was that deceased relative's money and wishes.

You know-the only thing that matters in a Will and in inheritance.

You can tell who the vultures are in this thread a mile off.

So many people being completely unreasonable - it’s easy to see why siblings would be jealous when one sister is made for life. Yes she was generous in giving them some, but that doesn’t stop the naturally jealousy, lay off the hatred

Because there is a legal document that states that it’s rightful. How does anyone know how the rest of the family treated the aunt when she was alive.

Because she gave her money to the person she wanted to give it to. What exactly makes the others entitled to it?