My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

No but I'd expect them to have enough respect to visit! She was his aunt!

They were your aunt's riches to do with as she wished. You may not like her choice, but for goodness sake don't blame your daughter! She has been very generous to you all - she didn't have to be. Just be glad she has a wonderful start to life and keep an eye out for her and the inevitable male gold diggers.

Seriously!!? I bet you wouldn't! It easy to say when you don't actually have to make such a decision.

I think the daughter has been very generous.

This is such a warped way of looking at the situation.

It isn't about the fact that other family members failed to work out that they needed to suck up to their great aunt in order to secure an inheritance.

It's about the fact that the OP's dd had a lovely, close relationship with her great aunt and that the aunt decided to recognise this in her will.

The others haven't lost anything due to the fact that they didn't try to manipulate their great aunt for her money. The money wasn't ever theirs in the first place.

I can't understand how people end up reducing relationships to such crass transactional terms.

'would you allow' 😳, so you should be able to exert control over what someone else does with their own money?? People are free to leave their money to those they feel closest to, not obligated to a long line of blood relatives they aren't particularly close to.

I think you and your family are BU - and I can see why your daughter left early!

Your aunt decided what to do with her cash and your DD gave some to her family. If the aunt has left it to the cats home would you be so bitter still?

I feel for your daughter as although I have not inherited any money, when I was younger a distant relative offered to leave me everything she had (not that she had much then) if my parents made her godmother. I wasn't christened so it didn't arise but I remember my dad saying that if she left me anything 'I'd have to share it with my brother and cousins'. I remember thinking this was really unfair as my cousins actually didn't like her at all - and said so frequently behind her back!

Shes Like a child in a free sweet shop. At the rate she’s spending money ( and cutting down her hours) she’s not going to be able to pay the service charges on her flat which will be huge.
where as with a bit of thought she could have a wonderful life.

But that's her choice and choices have consequences.

I wouldn't have given a penny away. The aunt left the money to your daughter, not other family members. As a parent, I might have tried to guide her a bit so that the money would last, rather than squandering it on clothes and "endless holidays".

Her brother and the other two cousins could have contested the will but it's unlikely they'd have won. It's only usually if anything underhand has gone on like co-ersion.

She's bought a property in London outright. The fact she's bought some new clothes and had a few holidays isn’t that irresponsible. She's mortgage-free and has a good job!

Absolutely vile, greedy, bitter behavior. Your aunt didn't like to spend time with any of you because she didn't like you, she did like her niece. That's entirely within her rights. You're not entitled to anything from her and it's disgusting how you're all behaving.

Now DD being the only girl and happening to share interests and be the right type of person for my aunt has meant she now gets all the fortune and the others who my aunt wouldn't have spent time with anyway are forgotten !

Or they’re ignored the way they ignored her.

It was your aunt’s money to do what she wanted with. If she’d been fond of cats she could have left it to a cat charity but she had a good and rewarding relationship with her niece and she’s chosen to leave it her, the person she was close to. Be pleased that your aunt chose to make your dd’s life easier and more fun.

I suspect part of the reason the Aunt left a letter explaining her wishes was in case the Will was contested.

She has a wonderful life by the sounds of it

Mortgage free living in Hyde Park, dumped her loser family, has a good job working 4 days a week (hardly out of work), with probably around a 350k nest egg

Shes on 50k a year, she can afford the service charges.

Although yes, she made a huge error giving away 300k of it. Shame she cant get a refund from her deadbeat sibs.

The daughter who inherited has been very generous. It’s the rest of you ruining the family with your greed. Inheritance isn’t a right. The person who owned the stuff gets to choose where it goes. It’s not a difficult concept.

Unless this is a reverse, no she wasn't unreasonable. Your aunts wishes haven't destroyed your family, you have. You are choosing to be like this. She has been really generous.

I'm sure if Auntie could read this post she'd be convinced she did the right thing.

Resentment? when she's gifted 5 family members £50k? I'd be delighted to be given that.
How much exactly do you lot think she should have given??

The trash doing her a favour and taking itself out? She’s got more than financial luck if that’s the case.

🥂

She's dead. How are you going to stop her? It sounds like the OP was happy for her to spend time with her daughter while she was living.

I can see both sides here.
She didn't have to give you all anything but she did. But equally she could have split it fairly.
It does sound like they were close, including living together during Covid. That's quite a relationship and I'm not surprised to hear about the imbalance.

If the Aunt had left £50k to everyone but rest to your DD and she hadn't given you everything, how would you feel.then?
If DD won £1m on premium bonds and didn't share it, how would you feel?

I think DD has tried to make amends, but it has almost backfired on her because the amount is not what you expect. Is there an amount that would have felt right? Would you have expected it to be split evenly between everyone?

I get that the disparity feels very odd now but there are plenty of ways that DD could have a lot more money than the siblings. Working in Finance in London for one. I earn heaps more than my siblings and I'm generous with them, pay for dinners, host family meals etc but I don't give them money. The discrepancy is not dissimilar to the one you describe but we didn't inherit anything, it's been career choices.

Maybe work out what in particular causes the resentment you all feel

I can't get over the OP and her sons making comments and jokes about DD being "greedy" when she's just given them £50k apiece.

Well, there you go! Why wouldn’t your aunt want the person who actually liked her and wanted to spend time with her to inherit?

Your DD was generous when she (essentially) gifted you £275’000! you should appreciate that instead of being envious.