My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

Lol, they're going to get a bit of a shock when you go, then!

My experience has been that most of the houses divided into flats around the South Kensington/Brompton area have a communal garden square, either out the front or hidden round the back, and if you live in the surrounding area you can often apply for a key. Perhaps I have always been lucky! Plus there are so many parks in the area.

I agree, it's not the main issue here!

This may well go to the heart of it!

IKR. She's their aunt not their mother, they're not her descendants. She doesn't owe them a bean. They're lucky it went to the OP's daughter rather than the aunt's friends or charity.

Why ? Her Will her wishes.

Exactly- they’d be worse off if she’d given it to Battersea Dogs Home, or whoever. Charities wouldn’t give them £50k each if they’d received the money!

For the posters saying it should have been divided equally to avoid this-let's examine that shall we?

The DD in this case has had a close bond since she was a little girl with this aunt. She spent weeks-long breaks with her during the summer. They bonded over shared interests. They were so close and she cared for her so much that she moved into her house during lockdown to care for her aunt and stop her from being lonely.

The rest of the family, by the OP's own admission, were not close to the aunt. The son never bothered and wasn't interested in his aunt. The wheres and why's are irrelevant really-there was no relationship between the rest of the family-OP, her brother, the OP's DS and the cousins and the aunt.

If the will was to divide it up equally-that means that people that never bothered with the aunt-or had any relationship with her-would benefit hugely from a relationship they never had- and the DD would ultimately be treated the same as the others-which wouldn't fairly honour the bond that they had, would it?

Would it really be fair for people to receive money on the basis of sharing DNA and that basis alone?

In the interests of fairness, wouldn't it actually be much fairer for it to go to the person the aunt had a relationship with which was the DD? We have a tendency to look at fair and equal as the same thing but in terms of wills-fair and equal don't truly apply. Just the person's wishes.

Her wishes were to honour her relationship with the DD. She had no other family relationships-as per the OP.

So, why should it have been split equally between people who weren't close-for whatever reason?

Blood ties mean little when there's nothing else there to back it up. I don't have a relationship with my aunt or uncle and I anticipate receiving nothing from their estate (and my aunt's estate is a lot) and I am perfectly ok with that. I will hold no resentment or jealousy towards anyone that does receive from the estate.

It's bizarre the entitlement that people feel to a person's money when they didn't bother to forge a relationship when they were alive.

The aunt is not the problem, the daughter isn’t the problem. The rest of you are, stop acting like spoilt entitled greedy money grabbing people and put it behind you or risk loosing your daughter.

The daughter should've done the right thing and shared it equally with her brother and cousins

Who is entitled to decide what "the right thing" is when it comes to someone else's money though?

The Aunt wanted to give all her money to the person she felt closest to. Other people may have opinions about that, but it's not up to them. What's the point of anyone making a will if their nearest and dearest are going to ride roughshod over their wishes anyway? It's not supposed to be about other people's perceptions of "fairness", which are entirely up for debate anyway. It's about what the deceased wanted.

OP's DD probably thought that giving away £300,000 of her inheritance was a way to acknowledge the unfairness of the situation whilst still respecting her Aunts wishes.

I can see why the Aunt's decision seems unfair, but it doesn't seem right for her family to say "fuck it, she's dead so we'll just do what we want with her money anyway" when she has been very clear.

Especially given that in this case the mother is so jealous and resentful of her daughter that she doesn't want her to have the property because she wants her daughter's money for herself - I don't know why some posters are surprised the daughter acted independently here! How do you seek financial advice from someone who wants all your cash?

If that was my DD I would be so grateful to the aunt. You don't have to worry about your daughter financially which would be a big weight off my mind.

Brilliant!

Make sure you say in your will why, though - lessens the chance of the cousins being able to challenge it.

You don’t speak very nicely about your aunt, almost a little bit of disdain in there. Now you want her money 🙄 Your title is also incorrect, it’s not the aunts choices. It is your family reactions. I’m sure the jokes were horrible based on what I have read.

Your DD didn't have to give you anything. Be grateful that she did give you and your family something and move on.

But she gave away £300,000, included her entire extended family, people her aunt didn't want to inherit anything including a brother that doesn't like her even before the will was an issue

Didn’t you post about this the other week? I remember it so well.

You are all greedy arses. This wasn't your money to inherit. You are not entitled to it. Your dd generously gifted all of you and your response is to goad her because she has new clothes.

You and your family are exactly the reason families fallout over inheritance. Not the aunt and certainly not your dd.

Unless you want to lose her permanently I'd be apologising pretty quick. What the rest of the family do is their choice/loss.

After reading all of your posts, YABVU as was the rest of your family.

She could have given you all nothing especially her brother who she doesn’t get on with yet she gave you some of HER inheritance and you all have chosen to be resentful and call her greedy because it wasn’t enough in your eyes and you don’t like how she is spending some of the money.

She has lost her aunt who it reads like she was close to and found out her family is happy to call her greedy despite sharing a part of her inheritance and offering to give them more. Probably makes sense why the aunt didn’t give anything to you all to begin with.

If I was given £50,000, I sure wouldn’t be resentful to the person who gave it to me, especially when I wasn’t given anything in the first place and wasn’t expected to.

I read this and have to say I was amazed.
My violent father who attacked me multiple times wrote me out of his will as a last swipe and my sister (who he never attacked) inherited everything to the tune of 400k which bought her a nice house etc.
THAT is unfair.
Your situation is not comparable to that. Your daughter wasn't obliged to share her inheritance but she did. My sister wasn't obliged either and she didn't.
Sometimes what's legally 'right' isn't morally right but your daughter has been mature enough to address this.
It's a shame you can't meet her with the same level of maturity.

Gosh op, you've really messed up here. I doubt your DD will ever forgive you unfortunately. Dreadful.

If I’d been in your daughter’s position I’d have split the money equally with my sibling and cousins. She’d have still had around £400k. Of course she didn’t have to, but then your son and her cousins don’t have to have much to do with her going forward. Very ill thought out by the aunt, and selfish of your daughter.

@clairelouwho
The rest of the family, by the OP's own admission, were not close to the aunt. The son never bothered and wasn't interested in his aunt. The wheres and why's are irrelevant really-there was no relationship between the rest of the family-OP, her brother, the OP's DS and the cousins and the aunt

The OP says the Aunt always favoured the daughter and liked her because they had similar interests. Would you expect a child to work out that he needs to suck up to his Auntie who isn't interested in him and clearly favours his 'golden child' sister if he wanted a chance to inherit.

It sounds like your DD was the daughter your aunt dreamed of and she loved her dearly.

Sadly when money is involved no one comes out a winner. Perhaps it’s time for the family to accept what she has?

If you lifted her flat in London and moved it to the midlands it would be significantly cheaper. So whilst she has an expensive home, it’s relative to the area.

your DD was kind to give others part of her inheritance and she didn’t have to do that.

I'm assuming they were all nice while they were getting their hands on some money. It's after they feel they deserve more.

But it's irrelevant no body is entitled to anything and even if you sucked up to a auntie she could leave it all to charity.

The auntie made a choice, but not only are you disrespectful to your daughter
You are disrespectful to the aunties automy.