My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

In no world is £50k measly.

They were entitled to receive £0 from the will. Nothing!

So, they should have been grateful that she gave them anything let alone £50k.

Honestly, some people won't be happy unless the whole lot was in their hands. The OP still hasn't bothered to answer to how much she would have been happy to receive instead of the £50k.

Or why she and her brother haven't gifted their "share" to the cousins and DS if so concerned they won't be able to get on the property ladder.

Oh, wait, it's very easy to spend someone else's money and not so easy to spend your own (that they weren't entitled to in the first place and any decent parent/person would have refused it).

It’s obvious they were entitled to £0 legally. But personally I would be upset if one of my DCs only gave 50k out of 2 million to their sibling, which wouldn’t happen anyway as they are close. I see the ops daughter and her brother don’t actually get on . So the dynamic is different.

OP hasn’t said what she thinks her DD should have done with the money she inherited…..

I’d be really interested to hear her suggestion on how best this could have been split and a family feud avoided.

Fundamentally, though it is of course going to be divisive this was your Aunt’s wishes. She’s confirmed that in writing. DD would be actively going against her wishes to give you all more money.

With this attitude, I wouldn't have given you anything!

Infantilising them all then.

I bought my first property at 23, parents not involved, why on earth would they be.

And that would be on you to suck up and deal with, not put on your daughter who would be doing nothing wrong by keeping what was given to her.

And how with a £50k deposit are the others still struggling to buy?

And sadly that's because you are massively greedy.

Well the mistake the daughter made was not putting the 'donation' to her siblings into trust, because clearly they have pissed it up the wall and lost the lot.

Too young for all that money you see, cant be trusted

Kensington is really not where people working in finance 'have' to live though, is it. Plenty of people working in finance live in much cheaper places than SW3 and don't have flats worth over a million quid. If the daughter in question had raised a mortgage based on her salary, she would in fact be one of those people.

What are you on about

……..We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed…….

This phrase is the one that really made me gasp. Just breathtakingly awful.

I think the aunt is the problem here . She surely thought about what effect this would have on other family members .

It sounds like your daughter gave her inheritance a lot of thought, and was extremely generous to you all - she gave away £200,000! As for your aunt, perhaps she saw a lot of herself in your daughter - it sounds like they had similar interests and enjoyed each other's company - and wanted her money to advance her life. She obviously didn't feel quite the same way about her other relatives. There is no entitlement on their part - including you by the way. And I imagine, with all of your attitudes - including her own mother badmouthing her! - that your daughter is super-glad she didn't give you any more. Perhaps she's even regretting being so generous with you. She has nothing to feel bad about whatsoever.

I get it, OP. It must sting, its human nature.

Your DD appears to have been the closest to your aunt and she has reaped the rewards. Life isn't fair I am afraid, some get lucky and some dont.

Well, that would be because the op didn't actually inherit a plugged dime from her aunt and has no say about what her daughter does with it.

Because what you are given isn't enough it's greedy.

Some comments about greed were made and jokes about the money.

How awful for your daughter.

You are all being VVU.

I’m amazed that someone could talk about their own daughter like you have on this post . She gave each of you a reasonable sum , she didn’t have to give you anything particularly her brother when you have admitted that they don’t like each other . She lived with your aunt during uni and was in effects to your aunt like her own daughter . It’s disgusting that you are envious of your own child . I would go NC with the lot of you .

It only has a negative effect on them if they choose to frame it in that way. They are no worse off as a result of the aunt's decision than they were before...quite the contrary, actually, they are each £50k better off.

So they can choose to be bitter and resentful about it or they can choose to be grateful. I guess it's no skin off the aunty's nose either way!!!

But the aunt doesn't owe members of the family anything.

She left to someone who spent time with her and she liked there is no issue.

My house is going to my friend's daughter. The cousins are beginning to circle now that I'm getting on, but I don't encourage them.

I don't think it's your Aunts choice that has destroyed your family

I suspect she was more concerned about how she was treated during her lifetime, than rewarding people that didn't come near her?