My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

I'm guessing one of the reasons her aunt left it to her is that she knows how difficult it is to afford anything in London. But, working in finance, this is where dd has to live. Makes perfect sense to me.

You don’t have to do what your solicitor advises. 🤷‍♀️

My brother split an inheritance exactly three ways between himself, myself and my sister. To the penny. It was significantly in excess of £300k and we only knew of it because he chose to tell us.

This .. what Jelly said!

You ungrateful bunch!
How dare you treat her like that and hold contempt for her after how much she gave you!
If you're going to behave like that you better give her back every penny she gave you.

If you consider 50 k measly sort your shit out.

50 k in the context of 2 mil is a
small amount.

So you named your daughter after your childless rich aunt and sent her off for weeks at a time to spend holidays with her?

Sounds like you were trying to get into her good graces and it misfired when the aunt left her money to your daughter instead of you

The amount? Whats the amount, Im going blind

But £50k is a very small sum in relation to the main capital sum, therefore measly.

I too would have concerns about a twenty four year old inheriting that amount. For that reason alone I'd have strongly encouraged her to share much more equally between the four cousins.

Well they were welcome to refuse that amount if not happy.

Did they no I don't think so.

This.

I'm childless, but DH had kids from his first marriage.

DH died during lockdown. One child was shielding and couldn't come to the funeral (but later went to another one close to his home - fair enough). Another child said that they couldn't come because of adult-onset asthma. Okay. Fair enough, I guess.

Then they told me that they didn't want the 20 yr old grandchild to come to the funeral because it might upset them.

I followed the hearse on my own.

There's a lot more to it, but I snapped a couple of months after the funeral. The kids and grandchild have gone NC but took their inheritance. DH hadn't updated his will, but told me what to give the grandchild, so I sent a cheque for that amount.

They were quick enough to cash the cheques that I sent for a wedding and a graduation.

I don't feel inclined leave them anything in my will.

She'd be better off in that case sharing it with her friends, surely?

Why should it go to people she doesn't like?

And why do you think you are owed anything.

It might be measly in your opinion but I'd snatch someones hands off if offered me that.

50K is a good sum of money towards a deposit though - and even better if left in a high interest account for a few years.
You can't really blame her for not giving more away. If she was already living and working in London then she took the opportunity to buy there which would be difficult otherwise.
I can't see what the point of a will is if it isn't to express one's wishes after death, whether or not that's what other people are happy with.

Your daughter sounds nice, and level-headed. I'm glad the money went to a good home.

You and your family are being VVU. Your DD and aunt obviously got on well (similar personalities?), better than aunt did with the rest of you, and your expectations and behaviour over this will ruin your relationship with her. Give your head a wobble and apologise for not appreciating what your DD has already given you. I feel sorry for your DD who has tried to do right by her ungrateful family and is having it thrown back at hr yhrough sheer envy.

Still more than they were entitled to, when what they were entitled to was £0. They should be thanking her, not bitching because they want more.

Neither your aunt nor your DD are at fault here. Your aunt was free to do as she pleased with her money. Your children don't owe you or their siblings anything. I expect your DD is currently NC with you because of what you and other family said to her at Easter. I'm afraid I don't blame her. You should be happy that your DD is living her best life imo.

Whats going on with all the 'a 24 year old should have the money in trust'

Is this Victorian times or something. Girls with their silly little heads shouldnt hav so much money

I seriously hope your DD has her own will sorted, I think I know who won't get a penny!

Presumably the aunt knew the OPs DD well and knew she’d deal with it well.

of my three current adult age children you could hand that amount to two of them and they’d deal with it fine. One would blow it. Given they lived together the aunt likely knew her great niece would deal with it fine - as she has

Why would they be? Honestly, the infantilising of fully grown adults on this thread is ridiculous!

There is probably a different dynamic between you and your siblings and that's great for you. Not all families have the same set-up. Not many men are as generous as your brother and inheritance is not anyone's right. The op is wrong to resent her daughter for her Aunt's choice.

Don’t let yourself fall out with your flesh and blood over money for goodness sake.