My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

I really hope the DD reads this thread.

in your OP you mention that you are also resentful. In what way have you expressed your resentment to your own daughter?

Why would people who didn't have a relationship, bar being a blood relative, be bewildered that they got left nothing in a will?

I don't have a relationship with my aunt or uncle-for good reason-and I don't expect to receive a penny or passing mention in either of their wills and would be more bewildered to receive anything.

I don't agree that it was obviously going to cause problems. Not all families are materialistic and it is not the norm in all families to feel entitled to any inheritance - many are perfectly happy to respect the wishes of the deceased without any petty jealousies or resentments.

Of course, it's possible that the aunt had the measure of the OP and her other extended family members and she knew exactly how much trouble this was going to stir up. However, it seems unlikely to me that she would have wanted to cause trouble for her beloved great niece, so she might not have had any idea how bitter and money-grabbing the rest of the family were going to be.

I think what some posters might be failing to recognise is that it might never have even occurred to the aunt that her other relatives would be expecting an inheritance, because it might never have occurred to her that she would consider leaving anything to them. The OP has already confirmed that she wasn't close to any of them. If she wasn't aware that the rest of the family had been eyeing up her estate while waiting for her to die, it might not have crossed her mind that they would be resentful.

I don’t believe you. No way would anyone with a large inheritance just give half if it away. Especially if they were young and childless.

I can’t imagine being in a position where I got £0 from my aunt’s will, and the recipient graciously gave me £50,000….then I got snarky and rude with that person for being ‘greedy’. I’d consider myself lucky. The family anger should be directed at Auntie, not at DD.

Why wouldn't a 24 year old get access it's not like she's a child with a trust fund.

She's behaved like a adult rest of family are as childish as hell.

She maybe should get financial advice but that's her choice

I'm childless.

The only thing to leave when I'm gone will be my house. I'm inclined to give more to the children in the family that I've actually seen.

I know that some will expect it to be split equally but - for example - I have cousins who have never stayed in touch, so their children will get nothing.

I've not heard from my step-granddaughter for 3 years and I was never 'Grandmother' to her, so she'll get nothing. (Don't worry - I made sure that she got her inheritance from her grandfather when he died.)

On the other hand, my husband's nephew made sure that his children call me 'Great Aunty', so I'll make sure that they get something. I'll also give something to a friend's child. It won't be much - only a few thousand each.

The OP has said her son and daughter don't like each other. Most parents wouldn't accept money from their children - mine never would, and I'd never take it from my own kids at the start of their adult lives when I'd rather see them buying a home and having great experiences.

Besides, the cousins and uncle also felt entitled to a share. They felt that she should give up nearly all of it, in defiance of her great-aunt's wishes.

Does anyone else feel this is not factual?

I've though hard and I can't see a mum say all this re their extremely generous DD

This is my last post on the thread

You've all damaged it by how you have treated your daughter IMO.

interesting that the 3 boys were happy to sit back and let the only girl assume the relationship/caring for elderly Aunt role, but then get pissed off when they didn't get their share.......

The daughter should've done the right thing and shared it equally with her brother and cousins

Why even bother with wills then eh? presumably you wont be leaving a will and will just be letting the cards fall where they may?

She says 'over' a million. Just this morning I was looking at the advert for a nice one bed basement garden flat in Redcliffe Gardens just off the Old Brompton Road, for sale right now for 585k, share of freehold, private patio, 7 metre sitting room, seems to get daylight. For over a million the daughter probably has something better.

Lots of flats are share of freeholds but leaseholds aren't an issue. Most people in London have leaseholds. Any flat with a decent length lease in that part of town is going to be a good investment. As for outdoor space, again that's not really an issue for Londoners. In any case, a lot will have a private garden or balcony and the majority of flats in that area have the key to a private garden square.

What a spiteful thing to have done knowing how hurt and bewildered others would be.

Why is is bewildering not get an inheritance from someone you have no relationship with?

This

I can't imagine inheriting £1.9m and only giving my parents and brother £50k. I would genuinely have split it equally with them because I'd want them to share the good fortune.

@marlfield Utter rot. This is not some lottery win or a random windfall. It is a very specific decision and wish of a person (the aunt) as to who they want to give their money too - knowing full well of the existence of the parents and other family members. SHE WANTED THE DD TO HAVE IT ALL NOT THE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS.

I'm not joking I would be so angry if I'd worked all my life, accumulated assets and didn't want someone to have any of it, made provision in my will for who I wanted my hard earned money to go to but then after my death the person I loved and trusted to leave it all to went off disrespecting my own choices and giving MY money to someone I specifically didn't want to have it.

The aunt was an actual human person with thoughts, feelings and capacity of her own. Treating her legacy as a windfall that should be split with those she DID NOT WANT TO HAVE IT is disrespectful and actually quite unpleasant really.

Your daughter has given you £50k, plus more money to others, and all you can do is slag her off on social media??

You should be ashamed of yourself. With this sort of behaviour no wonder the aunt didn’t want to give you lot any money.

This.

One of my aunts died childless. She left 70% to the heirs of the sister who stayed near her and whose children looked after her in old age.

The rest was split amongst the rest of the family. We hadn't expected anything.

Market hasn't recovered to what it was. You can easily buy a 2-bedroom flat on Queensgate (South Kensington/Kensington/Knightsbridge for those who don't know) for under £1 million. Share of freehold. Maybe a balcony or a basement flat if you wanted outdoor space, although you have the park on your door step. Probably pick up something in the neighbouring small streets too at the moment, though they will be advertised at more.

@Afana jokes about greed and money aimed at your daughter? That's disgraceful!

Did you join in? Or just allow her brother/cousins to insult her in front of you.

Having money doesn't mean you're immune to upset.

I bet she regrets giving any of you lot a bloody penny!

That's awful. Poor girl. People can leave their money to who they want. It is then entirely the beneficiary's oney. Instead of thinking how nice that she shared you all behave like this. Terrible.

@Afana

She wasn't massively close to anyone else but it was her choice not to be!

You keep saying things like this. So what she didn't make much effort. That's her right. She lived her life and she left her estate to the one person she loved

I’m a bit surprised you’re not mentioning inheritance tax and I assume that’s been paid. It’ll be a lot on a property worth £2 million.

Your aunt can do what she wants but it would’ve been fairer to split the estate between all children and not one. But your daughter has helped her siblings out financially which she didn’t have to do.

I think just leave her to do what she wants. If she’s not careful she’ll work her way through the rest of that money.

1.9 million in London, minus what she has given you and your family is not that much tbh.

She bought a leasehold 2 bed flat ffs. Not a mansion.

Either way, your Aunt did not like you and showed pretty sound judgement IMO.
99% seem to agree.