My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

Wow, and you don’t seem one bit bothered. You’re sacrificing your relationship with your daughter because she’s received an inheritance that’s rightly hers, and you’re just out and out jealous it hasn’t fallen on you. Possibly karma from over the years……

I think this is one of those topics until it has happens in your family you won't really understand.

Despite your aunt not having her own children why did she do this? Did your aunt get along with your Son OP? I think it was a horrendous thing of her to do! Yes we know.... it's her money before someone starts saying she can do what she likes it isn't right though.

I think your DD has behaved fine. She didn't have to give 50k to everyone. The person who behaved badly was your aunt.

My husband has an aunt with no children, and she split it equally between the 5 nephews and nieces. There was no favouritism in the will and no hard feeling. The inheritance however was about 35k each, so whilst hugely appreciated, not on the same scale. My husband's aunt was a wonderful person and would never have favoured one niece or nephew in her will.

Whilst it is hard to see 1 person in a family with lots of money while others have significantly less, it is jealousy/envy and YABVU here. Luck or not, your aunt got on best with your DD as they had shared interests. It was actually very thoughtful of your DD to share HER inheritance (and it was all hers, regardless of how you think your aunt ought to have divided up her assets). She could have kept it all. She doesn't sound greedy at all to me.

She's been lucky enough to receive an inheritance and has used the bulk of it wisely, from the sounds of it (buying herself a home outright); as well as sharing not insignificant sums with family members. I think you all need to reconsider your own attitudes here.

It’s your aunts money to give away, none of these kids are her children so no she doesn’t have to be “fair”.

Yabu for allowing your aunt to play favourites with your dd......I hate shit like that.

Other than that well it is what it is, not much can be done over money she's been left. Only a fool would turn it down or give massive chunks away, especially at such a young age.

Absolutely this. I'm shocked at this thread it's bonkers. Doing things like this would cause a rift in most families.

She wasn't very close to any of the boys but that was her choice.

Of course nobody is 'entitled' to an inheritance. But let's not pretend that for most people here, if a cousin of theirs received a life changing sum of money feom an aunt at a young age that allowed them to be mortgage free with a swish central London apartment and a flash lifestyle there would not be a pang of envy even if you did not verbalise it.

The aunt chose to give her money to whom she chose and no it was not unfair.

I've inherited the most in my family because I am the one that keeps in contact with elderly relatives and has done the most for them when they've needed help and support.

I haven't done it in order to inherit, I retired early and have had more time to be able to help.

No one has resented my inheriting more or all because they know I have done the most.

If your family members are jealous and not pleased for your daughter then they are nasty and jealous minded people and your aunt probably sussed that out before she died!

The only people causing irreparable damage to your family are you and the other jealous, greedy hangers on.

Sounds like they really connected and had a great relationship.

Your aunt's choices haven't ruined anything. It's the response of all you jealous, grabby leaches that's ruined things. It's on you lot, not her. Hopefully your DD will bin the lot of you off and leave you to stew in your own resentment.

Totally bizarre reasoning on your part.

They were close because they naturally stared interests....that's how most people become close.

You're aunt obviously loved her and can do what she wants with her money. Your daughter was very generous to give so much away.

You're right, it is luck that they shared interests and your daughter inherited. Lucky for her, and tough titties for everyone else. That's life isn't it!

Op you need to get over yourself. You’re acting as if you’re entitled to the money when, in reality, you’re not.

When someone leaves something in their will to someone, that is there decision. Just because they are related to you, it doesn’t mean they need to give you anything.

Far too many entitled individuals in this world.

@Afana what about your relationship with her? 50k in comparison to 1.9 million is hardly anything. I can absolutely see why it's caused an issue.

Your aunt left uer money to whose wanted to leave it to. Your daughter has been more than generous. She went against her aunts wishes and gave you money fron the will. She didn't have to do that. Any problem caused or discord in the family is a result of your greed. Your daughter shared even when she had no legal obligation to.

Your dd was closest to her, had lots in common with her Aunt and lived with her during covid. She’s the ‘most bereaved’.
She’s also been very generous.
Let it go

OP read your post back and as if it was someone else saying it to you, it explains 100% why the inheritance has been left as it is. The aunt has done nothing wrong at all and neither has your DD, your DD clearly gave your aunt so much joy for a long time, with no children or husband of her own her decision is entirely reasonable - no one has a right to the money, it was your aunts, what would you have done if she had left it all to charity or her next door neighbour? Instead she gave it to someone she clearly loved and knowing it would make a huge difference to her life

Your aunt is to blame here not your DD. I would just let it go.

Being in the situation wouldn’t change anything tbh. If I were in this situation, and upset about it, that wouldn’t make my viewpoint more valid. It wouldn’t actually make me entitled to money that was never mine to lay claim to, even if I wanted to kid myself that I was.

You, your son, your bother, and your nephews, all need to stop looking at it as them being left out of the will. Your aunt simply decided not to leave her money to family. Instead, she gave it to charity and to the person who meant the most to her. That person could have been a friend or anyone. It just happened to be your daughter. Your daughter was kind to share any of it with others. Shame on you all for making her feel bad.

What effort did the boys/young men make ? Did they message/email/phone their aunt regularly. Did they send birthday/Christmas cards ? Did they visit occasionally and invite her out for dinner/coffee ?

Maybe you should give your DS the 50K that your DD gave you ?

What did you all say to your DD yesterday that she felt she had to leave ???

I totally get where you are coming from OP. It can't be nice for the nephews to know how much of a favourite your daughter was. For all those saying how mean you all are, I wonder how they would feel if it happened to them. It sounds like your daughter could have behaved more sensitively too. I hope you manage to find a way through.

Like I said I offered to stay with her during Covid, she said no.
She could be difficult, didn't like phone calls, expecting in person visits with time off work etc. if it wasn't her way it want good enough for my aunt.

Well it's happened in DH's extended fasmily, and while there were murmurings people were not rude enough to make their feelings known or treat lucky family member differently. Equally though, lucky person didn't go on about their new luxuries in front of their family.

IMO grandparents are different from aunts/uncles. Much like parents should treat their kids equally, so should grandparents (unless, say one person did a lot of the care etc). But not any other relative.