My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

I think you knew what you were doing when you named your daughter after your aunt, and willingly packed her off for part of the summer holidays. But I think you never expected the inheritance to be limited to your daughter.

And if you objected to your aunts favouritism of your DD why did you allow her to go so frequently?

why wasn’t your objection to the favouritism dealt with while the children were children, rather than only appearing when you and your brother were overlooked as main beneficiaries of your aunts estate?

Hmm.. I’m now starting to think that the rest of the family is probably pretty happy with what the daughter shared it’s just the OP that has a problem.

If this is all true @Afana I’d invest some of your share in some therapy to help you get over the resentment or it’s likely you’ll push away your daughter.

Only the grandparents were offered more than £25k, not the other relatives.

The boys, from the sounds of it, had the same opportunity to forge a relationship with the aunt and didn't take it. Their interests didn't align and that happens sometimes. It's life.

There's no singling out when the aunt has made her plans clear and extended an open invitation to all. It's not her fault the DS didn't want to take her up on it and the DD did.

So, if the aunt had changed her plans to accommodate the DS-but that meant that the DD wouldn't want to attend-would that have been fair?

It sounds like the DD and the aunt had shared interests from an early start-and forged a relationship based on common ground. The aunt was also childfree and had zero, absolutely zero, obligation to have a relationship or do anything with any of the nieces or nephews.

Instead, she extended open invitations during the summer for weeks-long visits and activities to her nieces and nephews-and it was just the niece who showed up.

Hard lines.

I'm really shocked by the replies!!

You will be even more shocked when daughter goes no contact with you all which I would be considering in her boat.

Let's be honest whatever she gave the family it would never be enough.

I've just thought about this and the same thing happened in our family.
We had a great aunt and uncle with approx 10 great nephews and nieces. My uncle died first then my aunt and they left all their estate/money to one of my 2nd cousins, so in the same generation as myself.
It didn't cross my mind to be aggrieved by this as this cousin was the one who ran about after them, whilst the rest of us visited very infrequently, this one cousin stayed beside them thus making them the go to.
She absolutely deserved the money that she got, and it was a sizeable amount, not in the millions granted but more than enough to pay off their mortgage and have money left over. I can also be sure that not one of the rest of us grudged her a penny or expected her to divvy it up amoungst us

It’s obvious that your daughter isn’t used to having money. At the rate she’s going ( without investing) the balance she has left isn’t going to last long.
I would imagine she has a hefty service charge on the property. The flat will be up for sale soon.

YABVVU OP. You and the rest of the greedy, grasping relatives.
Why are you assuming that you'd all have gotten a nice chunk of the money if your daughter hadn't been left on the scene?
From your description of the aunt it sounds extremely likely that she'd have left it to charity or some other young person that happened be an erstwhile 'companion'.
In which case you'd all have gotten completely 0.

Now you're lucky to get 50K, living in the Midlands that should go a long way towards a house deposit/reducing the mortgage.

Your poor DD. She sounds like a generous and lovely young woman. The sharks are truly out. I hope she doesn't make any bad decisions like spend all the money, or marry the boyfriend without properly protecting her money. As @Fingeronthebutton said she's well on the way... and you lot will probably be happy with that.

I think she's ok actually. She has a good job and seems to be investing plenty. It's a converted terrace with share of leasehold so I'm not sure there are any service charges?

The only person ruining the family is you jealous grabby people. I wouldn’t blame DD for going non contact with you all. She’s been so generous and this is how you treat her?! Shocking.

Also, you were happy enough to send your DD to your aunts for childcare for weeks at a time but now begrudge the relationship they developed? Maybe if you put more effort in with your aunt you might have been left something.

There are many families where the beneficiary would not share with the rest of the family at all. I don't think your daughter is being unreasonable and I wonder if your son would have given her as much if it were the other way round.

Wow, I agree with the majority of PPs - it's your post that screams of greed. That money was left to her, she shared her wealth, made a great investment and is now enjoying her life. I'd be delighted if my daughter had that, not resentful!

Its not your aunt or your daughter who is ruining things, its you!

I can’t believe the narrow mindedness of these comments. So stupid to immediately just at “so ungrateful she didn’t have to give anything to you!!!” As if humans are so 2D.

Everyone can be in the right you know.

OP - Your daughter was generous to give her money away.

However, I am absolutely not surprised your family is resentful, that’s a life changing amount of money. I can’t really believe your aunt didn’t think of the fallout of that.

I can't believe she's told you so much about her plans in such detail, after you've all treated her like this.

Oh and by the way OP, there are plenty of posters here in the midlands. £50k is an enormous deposit in this area, both your son and the cousins should be more than able to buy with that. If they can't get a mortgage with that amount, then they need to be looking at their own money management problems, rather than the free money they acquired off your daughter.

If I was her, and obviously if this isn't fake, if I saw your DM article I'd cut you all off.

@CaliGurl

We are close or were anyway!!

Your DD has been given a massive leg up in life because her aunt associated more with her than her nephews.

Your DS must feel sick to the stomach. To even things up I’d be leaving all my money to him. It’s only fair.

Surely you are adequately housed, so could give your DS another £20k, which means he could buy. He's been to UNI, has £50k but can't afford anything in the Midlands?

@Afana so how much would you all have been happy with?

I think you’re lucky to have had anything at all and you all seem really unkind. I feel sorry for your daughter in this scenario.

Also this ‘everyone thinks her choice screams of greed’; so you’ve all been bitching about her behind her back? No wonder she buggered off early with her boyfriend.

What figure would have satisfied the rest of you? Would anything less than equal shares have been enough? Why should your DD go against her great aunt's wishes, which were clearly expressed in the will.

Historically, women were often treated less favourably with inheritance (and there are still discrepancies in earning power between men and women) so your aunt may have felt your DD needed the financial boost more than your DS or her cousins.

You "were" close, until you decided motherly love came with six figure price tag?

How can you look in the mirror?

OP, would you have been happier if your aunt had left everything to a cat charity? Or to a friend? Presumably you realise that she didn't have to leave anything to family at all?

This

I can’t imagine begrudging my DD her good fortune which you are apparently doing.