My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

So what you want your DD to give her inheritance to you or/and your son? Have a mortgage instead and struggle more so you and your son feel more cushy off someone elses back?

The way my aunt looked at it was she want tailoring anything to anyone. It wasn't tailored to DD, DD just happened to enjoy what was offered.
Im not saying I agree but that's how my aunt looked at it!

Their mistake was in anticipating getting their hands on someone else’s money.

Why wouldn’t she enjoy the money? Her brother, who she doesn’t particularly like, is mad about her having it? Oh fucking well.

The family is ridiculously greedy and your deceased aunt and dd are in the right. Nobody had much time for the rich aunt while she was alive, so she left her money to the one who did. The one who received the money gave generous amounts to people she had absolutely no moral nor legal obligation to give to and that is STILL not enough for you. I would not blame her if she refuses to speak to any of you again. You have shown that your greed is more powerful than your love for her so why should she waste time with you?

At the end of the day, this Aunt WANTED your DD to have her money and no-one else and why should her wishes be disregarded ?

Yes, this is how I treat my DN/DN.
I’ve never felt the need to do ‘my summer my way’ like op’s aunt did, I would make sure to do things each child would enjoy.

Your daughter has been really generous to you all. You and the rest of your family are being greedy and ungrateful. It was your aunt's money, she left it to the person she wanted and none of you are entitled to give your daughter a hard time about that. My mum and sister would be happy for me, not jealous and resentful. You all need to have a word with yourselves

She didn't single her out.

She said this is what she is doing during her summer and wasn't going to change her activities to suit-if one or both children wanted to join her-they were welcome to.

Only the DD wanted to. It sounds like an open invitation, not "singled out" as you're trying to paint it.

Many aunts/uncles wouldn't even go as far as to have a niece or nephew staying with them for weeks at a time during summer. What a lovely thing for the aunt to do-and he wasn't excluded-he wasn't interested. That's his choice, but he can't cry now when he didn't benefit from the aunt's estate.

I presume he also didn't arse himself when he got older, either.

You all sound horribly entitled. Your Aunt has absolutely done the right thing in leaving her estate to your daughter! She didn’t need to share a penny with any of you but it’s a testament to her that she still wanted to improve all your lives. £50,000 each is no small amount and enough for deposits for houses etc. How greedy to be annoyed you didn’t get enough!

It sounds like your daughter has made the effort with her Aunt, cared for her during covid and was favourited which you facilitated when it suited you.

You risk ruining your relationship with your daughter due to jealousy and bitterness, rather than feeling pride for how she’s turned out and grateful your Aunt changed her life.

Just wondering how much you'd all hate if she gave you chuff all...sounds like she might as well have not bothered!

It's a Reddit one unless the details have changed on this thread

The aunt wasn't of use to you when she was alive and now she's passed you are all wanting a piece of her when her wishes was it went to your daughter who didn't treat her like a piece of something.

The way my aunt looked at it was she want tailoring anything to anyone. It wasn't tailored to DD, DD just happened to enjoy what was offered.

Yes, exactly. And you guys didn't. That's life.

Why wouldn’t she do her summer her way? She was childfree and not inclined to cater to her child relatives. She was generous in extending an open invitation for them to join her. It so happens that the only one that wanted to was the DD, hence them forming the relationship they did.

I think OP is awful but this post is unfair - she was asked a direct question about uni costs and simply answered it.

Where is the greed in gifting 50k to each cousin from her inheritance? When a will is drawn and an inheritance granted it needs to be respected. It’s her aunts wish that she got the money, it’s VERY plainly obvious that the aunt did not want anyone else receiving a large sum. The only greed is from the mum and family.

You and the rest of your family should be ashamed. Your DD didn't have to give you anything from your aunt's generous bequest but she chose to willingly. I wouldn't blame her for going NC with you all now. YABVVU.

Money really is poison to relationships. Everyone involved bar the DD needs to look at themselves in the mirror

It sounds a lot like singling out to me and not how normal family dynamics work. The aunt sounds very self centred. Building relationships with young children aren't usually like this - take it or leave it, I won't make any effort to change what's on offer. I am not surprised the DS didn't seek her out later on.

I think the DD has been generous and shouldn't be resented but I totally understand why the OP resents the aunt for the favouritism which started young and didn't seem to give the boys a chance.

Your poor daughter. She's hounded for offering money which was accepted. Then she's done good with the left over money and she's still hounded. She can't do right from wrong

It was the aunt's choice to who she gave it to.

So OP, how much money do you want? Since £50k isn't enough

I’m guessing you think this makes your Aunt seem unreasonable whereas it just explains more why she left her money to the niece that seems to have been like a daughter figure to her.

Your daughter very clearly had a strong friendship with her aunt as an adult and that’s been recognised by your aunt.

If your question was, "what's the best way to invest the money she's given us" or "how do I talk to her about saving/investing so she's not blowing it all and retains ready cash" I'd understand.

In the nicest possible way YABU. It was your aunts choice to leave the money to who she wanted.

It was very kind of your daughter to share a generous amount with the rest of the family. She didn’t have to.

As the parent in this role you should be protecting your daughter and respecting your aunts wishes.

So your daughter inherited £1.9 million from someone she was close to, she gave way £300,000 (so 16%) to her family including her brother (that she didn't like), and you're complaining and trying to pin the blame on a dead person?!?!

Your aunt clearly liked your daughter so left everything to her. That's life. If your daughter has chosen to spend it on materialistic crap then that's her prerogative.