Would you make your child share their new toy?

[meegsmalone]

This is a non-issue tbh, I'm honestly just interested to see how other parents handle these situations.

We were visiting in law's when SIL, her DH, and their 2 yo DC arrive. Their DC has a new toy and refuses to share with my 3yo DC. I don't say anything as it's not my place so I try to distract my DC, but, of course, DC is uninterested in my distractions. SIL's DH says he's not making his DC share as he doesn't want to deal with the tantrums (tbh, this is very much typical of him). Their DC never shares their toys, which is upsetting to my DC.

My DC has loads of toys at my in law's that belong to him (Christmas presents etc.) and they always (reluctantly) share them with their cousin. If DC has a tantrum over sharing, I handle it. However, WIBU to tell my SIL and her DH that, if they're not going to make their DC share with mine, then my DC won't be made to share with their DC and they'll just have to handle the tantrums?

Make arrangements to visit at a different time to SIL and family. Bad enough coping with your own child's tantrums, let alone another Child's.

I wouldn’t make them share, at that age. Kids are different. My DS would share, but only if he decides. No point in me getting involved. His cousin wouldn’t share, that’s his preference.

You’ll be raising a much more pleasant human being by continuing to encourage sharing.
I get your frustration and that would also be my knee jerk reaction but 2 wrongs don’t make a right and all that jazz!

I think children have to learn that other children don’t always have to share with them, just as much as they have to learn to share.
Sometimes a child will have a toy that is special and precious to them and I wouldn’t expect them to share it. Sharing is an important skill but it doesn’t mean you have to share everything.
If my dc had a cool new toy and he was playing with it in front of another child and upsetting them, that would not be allowed, I would say ‘if you don’t want to share we can put it away for later.’

No, I don't believe in enforced sharing, id tell my child that it wasnt their toy and to pick something else

If I was them I probably wouldn’t have brought the toy. Or gently tried to distract them both with something else. A two year won’t share - they just aren’t there cognitively.

If it’s a brand new toy, then probably not.

I wouldn’t make any child share a new toy. Stop making your child compromise to appease theirs.

Expectations on young children of sharing are ridiculous. I wouldn’t want to let someone else play with a new exciting toy I’d just been given.

whilst I understand your annoyance, I don't think it was that helpful tbh. their 2 yo is too young to understand that toys at Nanny's aren't there for him to play with. The concept of them being your DS's at Nanny's house is a bit much for a 2 year old.

the concept of a toy being brand new & belonging to your nephew, shouldn't be difficult for your 3 year old to understand.

if your DS takes a new toy with him to Nanny's, I wouldn't make him share it.

your BIL sounds like a complete TWAT though.

You're absolutely right, of course you are. I just don't want my little DC to grow up thinking they're less favoured to their cousin, as cousin can do whatever they want, but my DC has to play by the fulls, you know? However, as a PP said, they're still very young, things will hopefully change the older they get 😊

*play by the rules

I can see why a two year old didn’t want to share their shiny brand new toy, I think enforced sharing is pretty unfair really, for example I wouldn’t like to be made to share my brand new make up with my cousin 🤷🏼‍♀️

I didn't make my DS share his precious toys but those would be put away when other children were going to be around.

General toys were shared.

No i wouldn't make my child share their new toy. Or many of their own possessions.
How often do you share your phone with BIL?

If the toys are at MILs then are they your child's or are they toys at her Nannas house?

If you don't want the other child to play with them then take them away.

I really disagree with enforced sharing at this age. Do you honestly think it is good parenting to force a two year old child to share something which is theirs?

Sharing new toys isn't playing by the rules though, why shouldnt a child be allowed to have thinga that are just for them? It s not a bad thing to have special toys

Ime children are perfect capable of understanding that different families do things differently and it doesn't mean that they are less favoured, you influence your child's thinking not occasional visits to relatives

The more I read people say they wouldn't force their child to share a new toy, the more I understand that. However, IMO they also shouldn't have brought the toy into the house knowing it would upset my DC. People may disagree with that, idk 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't expect the child to share the toy equally I wouldn't allow my child to take his brand new shiny toy to a house where there is going to be a conflict over this with another child.

I don't do enforced sharing but I do praise it when it's done spontaneously, and we chat about it being nice when things are shared and enjoyed together etc etc.

I don't allow 'teasing' though - when you're in a group with other children, you don't have to share your toy but if you're not going to share you need to either put it away for later or go somewhere else to play with it (i.e. not right in front of the other child/ren).

I think a three year old can understand "yes, I know you really want to play with it but it belongs to X and he's playing with it, let's choose something else."

No I don't make my children share new or special things, even between themselves. They naturally share and want to play together with whatever when they've had time to explore and enjoy it on their own first.

But if they don't, they don't have to.

Toys that are not to be shared should not be played with in a group situation (unless it is a long-standing comforter)

No, a 2 yo shouldn't be made to share a brand new toy.

I think it's strange that your DS has his own personal toys left at granny's which he then has to share.

In my experience, grannies have toys at their house for all grandchildren, cousins etc to play with when at her house.

Sharing is a skill that has to be learnt - even some adults struggle. But, I don't think everything has to be shared. If not sharing is causing a problem, then the item is removed from everyone.

I do disagree, managing disappointment and learning you can't take something you want IS an actual lesson that needs to be taught.

They don't need to change their child's behaviour to mitigate your child's upset.

I’ve never understood why we make kids share. It’s kind and polite if they want to, but why should they have to? I don’t share my car or phone?

Well that’s a learning opportunity for your child.

”that is their new toy, look at all your toys- choose something else.” = a completely appropriate explanation for a 3 year old

your child will be in situations where they will want something that they cannot have.

enforced sharing is unfair at this age and creates hoarders or pushovers.

i only enforce ‘sharing’ with under 5s if its a game that can easily be played together- but tbh, that’s just encouraging cooperative play