In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

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Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

You don't help yourself if the way you are picking fault with other people's suggestions is anything to go by. They are the ones being rude and they are doing so on purpose. It isn't the first time they've met you where they might have been absentminded and made a mistake. I would have returned the plate and said you'll plate up yourself without the peas and if they started to get annoyed pointed out that you being a vegetarian is not a new thing! If all you care about is keeping the peace then by all means let it continue.If you want to make a change then speak up for yourself and let your dh deal with the fall out. The fact that he doesn't speak up for you also speak volumes about the lack of respect he has for you.

Yes my PIL the same, they have certain anxieties which are known to us and we must accommodate. Like social anxiety - so they won’t leave the house for Christmas so when we (or another in law) host they won’t attend, we have to organise our day so we can visit, but not all at once. Hosting makes MIL anxious too, so we don’t have the option to spend it there. But things that make me feel anxious (feeding toddlers whole grapes whilst running around) are ridiculous and they will just do it to antagonise me and make a point.

Your husband should be standing up for you and saying to his parents that its not OK to keep serving you meat when you're vegetarian

They are being rude. If they’re picking up ready made stuff how easy would it be to pick up something veggie?

your husband should have a word with them.

You really should stop going.

I wouldn't eat a prawn starter at MIL's as I can't stand prawns. They (in laws) thought it was hilarious that I was so averse.

Next time I went for food - soup to start, then surf and turf. Both H and I got up and walked out.

The rest is a very long story ....

I can't believe anyone is suggesting that the OP should bring her own food. I think when you're with extended family or friends, eating food together is just as much a social thing as a means of fuel. It seems pretty shoddy not to accommodate the people you supposedly care about, even if it's just something very basic. It shows you care. These people are sending a message and it ain't nice.

I am not the world's greatest cook, but I can manage to shovel some vegetarian options into the mix, not to mention something decent that's dairy and nut free for the poor allergy sufferer whose meal is invariably an afterthought everywhere he goes.

I don’t have a single moral view on eating meat but eating it makes me feel sick. Literally. I haven’t liked it since I was a kid. Some people are allergic to it. It’s a thing. Would you really serve someone food they really don’t like? I like my guests on the whole and would prefer to feed them something they would enjoy.

I really don't think some people understand about vegetarian food. I was a vegetarian for about 20 years and when we were on holiday once my DF ordered a cheeseburger for me as he thought it was vegetarian!!!!

Also, I've been offered a ham omelette in a cafe and the staff were quite surprised when I said it wasn't vegetarian (this was a long time ago - I'm sure there is much more awareness now)

What do you mean they cause problems? Why do you feel you can't politely challenge this ridiculous situation?

Theyre certainly not sensitive to you..? It's very thick skinned of them to repeatedly serve you meat.

You have to accept this treatment for the rest of your life or follow one of the many suggestions on here.

I'd also consider a friendly phone call before you go. Ask if they remember your vegetarian, is the veg meat free.

Or get an uber eats delivered while you're there.

Is it ridiculous? Leave the children asleep and go get some food, then come back. I don’t see why you don’t do this actually, you should get a meal.

We use olive oil for everything. Spectacularly great roast potatoes 😁. You don't even need that much oil.

As pp said:

Refuse to go there to eat anymore. OR bring your own food.

Well it’s time for you to start getting over sensitive and taking it personally…. They are being incredibly rude. You are their DiL a vegetarian and yet they continue to serve you meat products.
Stop allowing them to control you.
Is your husband allowing this? After that many years mine would be having firm words….. like telling them we wouldn’t be dining with them if they carry on this nonsense.

You say how hard is it? Well actually it is quite tricky cooking specific dishes for one individual (and additional expense). So whilst I do think they should accommodate you, I do think you are appreciative of the effort people go to when the do cook separate dishes to accommodate dietary requests.

My ex was vegetarian, and there was no way the family were going to give up a Sunday roast forever- which meant cooking separate potatoes, Yorkshire puddings and a main dish. It was a significant amount of effort. I hope you do recognise that for the people who do try to accommodate you.

Same! My grandmother is Italian.

She either cooked with olive oil or lard (which has a lower smoke point than olive oil)...
And everything was absolutely delicious ;)

Yeah, no, a handful of plain garden peas out of the freezer does not cost more than prepared petit pois with pancetta from marks.

It doesn’t mean cooking separate potatoes and Yorkies. You just cook everyone’s in vegetable oil. It really isn’t hard at all.

with me its anything cabbagey. My parents never forced me but school did.

Honestly I can’t fathom why people seem to find cooking for vegetarians so hard (and I’m a meat eater with a couple of vegetarian mates).

It’s really not hard to put a ready made veggie alternative to meat in the oven and cook veg without additions/in a veg or seed oil.

What a weird attitude to hosting a meal, to feel resentful of people’s dietary preferences. Most people want to accommodate their guests!

I would eat before you go...then when dishes get brought out, you can sit there all sad faced, saying "oh, I can't eat that it's got pancetta in' etc etc. shame the fuckers .. just repeat yourself. "Well, you know I'm vegetarian". Just sit there picking through a little pile of carrots, with a sad face 😂. I'd so do this. And keep saying "the carrots are lovely btw".
And just keep doing it (if you feel you have to go). I probably wouldn't at this stage.
Honestly, life is too short to pander to everyone's sensitivities and bullshit. Especially for nonsense such as this.

But the family preference is for goose fat potatoes, with the juices from the beef poured over- why should everyone get a lesser meal for one persons preference? I am not saying she shouldn’t be accommodated- it was just when she said how hard is it? Well if you were coming to dinner at mine I would be putting in significant effort. So yes it is difficult.

and presumably she isn’t just eating peas- she does want a main and some carbs.

Yes me too. In fact it’s the only oil I use and it is used for everything.

Luckily all my family and friends respect my vegetarianism. I’ve sent back plenty of “vegetarian” meals in restaurants though.

It’s so strange isn’t it?! I’m a vegetarian who will eat pretty much anything except meat, don’t expect much effort, but typically when I am a guest people are keen to accommodate me, more keen than I need or expect often! But this is because people generally who are hosting want to do so.

Oh ffs being vegetarian is not being fussy!!! It’s polite to accommodate dietary needs when people come over to eat otherwise why invite them!

I wouldn’t dream of serving meat to a vegetarian and expect them to eat because they’re just being fussy…