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AIBU?

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Original poster

In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

815 replies

spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:06

Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

OP posts:
MeDaughterMerope · 03/04/2024 00:03

World war 3. Makes a change from the pig on the desert island I suppose.

I doubt someone who was as deeply intolerant and unpleasant as all that will be hosting much.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 03/04/2024 00:04

OldPerson · 02/04/2024 23:59

And the battle can continue.

I'm an Oxford grad, so always happy to debate.

Why is a Vegetarian who is so principled, not coming across as a pain-in-the-ass to mere mortals who have to plan, prepare and cook a meal for a big influx of family guests?

Did the vegetarian not realise in terms of evolution, their brains only grew by hunting other meat food groups? The intelligence needed for hunting is the sole reason you're not on the level of a rabbit or a cow. And they are intelligent - enough - for their level.

Darwin? Survival of the fittest? If humans as vegetarians ruled the world since year dot, humans would not be humans. Suck that up in your non-meat supremacy.

But we're talking about a rarefied group of humans, called vegetarians, mostly who have the luxury to choose and decide what will pass their rarified lips.

How far would you take it? World War III - and world in flames - still going to be a vegetarian?

The problem we all have with "special eaters" is that they don't eat for nutrients.

There are three groups of "special eaters" - and two of them are potential/somewhat/occasional ego-maniacs or narcissists or deluded or idealists.

They have no concept of human evolvement. They want to re-write human as non-animal, but idealistic. The middle ages were great on that.

Your "choose what you eat" - specifically vegetarians and vegans. Most of them can't explain why we're mostly omnivores. Or how we evolved? Or will evolve?

The religious folk. Apparently, if you get a food group wrong, they're insulted and violence is not excluded.

And the allergy group - you know the really scary ones. If the wrong food touches their lips, they die.

Any guesses, any time soon, why "special needs" eaters are a pain in the ass?

We don't want to deal with all your complexities. We just want to be British, family-orientated and serve up a group meal.

The whole social point of a meal - we all eat, we're all happiest eating and satiating needs and desires, and we're all socialising.

Except those that can't just join in the eating and socialising. The one's on their soap boxes against those who were just eating and socialising.

And those who have particular "special needs" for eating - just bring your own food and join in.

Show quote history

I would respond to this but it's so garbled I'm not sure where to start.

Blueink · 03/04/2024 00:11

If it’s just M&S ready dishes (like the roast potatoes) can you find out and take your own substitute versions?

It’s odd behaviour but you say DH is oblivious also, I wonder if it isn’t such a separate issue?

FeetLikeFlippers · 03/04/2024 00:14

YireosDodeAver · 02/04/2024 23:29

@FeetLikeFlippers you must be really quite pissed to be that amused by an obvious typo made about 40 hours ago. Precisely what does making fun of such a tiny error add to the conversation?

I’m really sorry if you thought I was making fun of you, that wasn’t my intention. Of course it was a typo but I was amused at the idea of somebody feeling herself up at the in-laws’ dinner table! I often type stuff like that because of auto-correct or sausage fingers or not having my reading glasses and I love it when it accidentally turns into something I find funny. I assumed you would see the funny side too, otherwise I would never have commented.

CocoBellaSparkle · 03/04/2024 00:18

@OldPerson - I’m sorry dear but Oxford was clearly wasted on you….

Saschka · 03/04/2024 00:19

OldPerson · 02/04/2024 23:59

And the battle can continue.

I'm an Oxford grad, so always happy to debate.

Why is a Vegetarian who is so principled, not coming across as a pain-in-the-ass to mere mortals who have to plan, prepare and cook a meal for a big influx of family guests?

Did the vegetarian not realise in terms of evolution, their brains only grew by hunting other meat food groups? The intelligence needed for hunting is the sole reason you're not on the level of a rabbit or a cow. And they are intelligent - enough - for their level.

Darwin? Survival of the fittest? If humans as vegetarians ruled the world since year dot, humans would not be humans. Suck that up in your non-meat supremacy.

But we're talking about a rarefied group of humans, called vegetarians, mostly who have the luxury to choose and decide what will pass their rarified lips.

How far would you take it? World War III - and world in flames - still going to be a vegetarian?

The problem we all have with "special eaters" is that they don't eat for nutrients.

There are three groups of "special eaters" - and two of them are potential/somewhat/occasional ego-maniacs or narcissists or deluded or idealists.

They have no concept of human evolvement. They want to re-write human as non-animal, but idealistic. The middle ages were great on that.

Your "choose what you eat" - specifically vegetarians and vegans. Most of them can't explain why we're mostly omnivores. Or how we evolved? Or will evolve?

The religious folk. Apparently, if you get a food group wrong, they're insulted and violence is not excluded.

And the allergy group - you know the really scary ones. If the wrong food touches their lips, they die.

Any guesses, any time soon, why "special needs" eaters are a pain in the ass?

We don't want to deal with all your complexities. We just want to be British, family-orientated and serve up a group meal.

The whole social point of a meal - we all eat, we're all happiest eating and satiating needs and desires, and we're all socialising.

Except those that can't just join in the eating and socialising. The one's on their soap boxes against those who were just eating and socialising.

And those who have particular "special needs" for eating - just bring your own food and join in.

Show quote history

Oh look, OP’s MIL has found the thread. Allergy sufferers are unpatriotic are they? That’s a new one.

Mamanyt · 03/04/2024 00:21

Kalevala · 01/04/2024 08:23

Got another lunch today, let's hope the roast potatoes aren't in goose fat like normal

This can be a difficult one. Processed vegetable oils cause painful gas and bloating for me so I do use goose fat for potatoes. I think it's too hot for olive oil?

No, the potatoes will bake just fine with olive oil. I use it all the time.

Blueink · 03/04/2024 00:26

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 03/04/2024 00:04

I would respond to this but it's so garbled I'm not sure where to start.

Show quote history

Agree and the irony unless the whole post is a joke… but it wasn’t funny either, so who knows?!

A worrying/a poor reflection on Oxford Uni (or an ‘agent provocateur’ from Cambridge?!).

FeetLikeFlippers · 03/04/2024 00:36

T1Dmama · 02/04/2024 23:28

It’s pretty obvious she meant FEED. 🙄

Show quote history

It’s pretty obvious I was JOKING. 🙄

HotChocolateNotCocoa · 03/04/2024 00:42

I'm an Oxford grad

😆😆😆 Yeah, and I’m a shoo-in for Miss Teen USA.

ChellyT · 03/04/2024 01:30

You sound you'd be a massive C to be around @CloudsUnderwater

Wornoutlady · 03/04/2024 04:20

@ChellyT are you drunk or just naturally mean? what an unhelpful comment.

ChellyT · 03/04/2024 04:21

Wornoutlady · 03/04/2024 04:20

@ChellyT are you drunk or just naturally mean? what an unhelpful comment.

Ironic much? EAD

Wornoutlady · 03/04/2024 04:25

ChellyT · 03/04/2024 04:21

Ironic much? EAD

Show quote history

I'm very sorry, I'm not familiar with that expression. 😘

AzureNewt · 03/04/2024 05:23

OldPerson · 02/04/2024 23:59

And the battle can continue.

I'm an Oxford grad, so always happy to debate.

Why is a Vegetarian who is so principled, not coming across as a pain-in-the-ass to mere mortals who have to plan, prepare and cook a meal for a big influx of family guests?

Did the vegetarian not realise in terms of evolution, their brains only grew by hunting other meat food groups? The intelligence needed for hunting is the sole reason you're not on the level of a rabbit or a cow. And they are intelligent - enough - for their level.

Darwin? Survival of the fittest? If humans as vegetarians ruled the world since year dot, humans would not be humans. Suck that up in your non-meat supremacy.

But we're talking about a rarefied group of humans, called vegetarians, mostly who have the luxury to choose and decide what will pass their rarified lips.

How far would you take it? World War III - and world in flames - still going to be a vegetarian?

The problem we all have with "special eaters" is that they don't eat for nutrients.

There are three groups of "special eaters" - and two of them are potential/somewhat/occasional ego-maniacs or narcissists or deluded or idealists.

They have no concept of human evolvement. They want to re-write human as non-animal, but idealistic. The middle ages were great on that.

Your "choose what you eat" - specifically vegetarians and vegans. Most of them can't explain why we're mostly omnivores. Or how we evolved? Or will evolve?

The religious folk. Apparently, if you get a food group wrong, they're insulted and violence is not excluded.

And the allergy group - you know the really scary ones. If the wrong food touches their lips, they die.

Any guesses, any time soon, why "special needs" eaters are a pain in the ass?

We don't want to deal with all your complexities. We just want to be British, family-orientated and serve up a group meal.

The whole social point of a meal - we all eat, we're all happiest eating and satiating needs and desires, and we're all socialising.

Except those that can't just join in the eating and socialising. The one's on their soap boxes against those who were just eating and socialising.

And those who have particular "special needs" for eating - just bring your own food and join in.

Show quote history

I'm an Oxford grad

Do they offer refunds?

RampantIvy · 03/04/2024 06:49

@OldPerson

In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like
Noyesnoyes · 03/04/2024 06:54

RampantIvy · 03/04/2024 06:49

@OldPerson

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jumpers4goalposts · 03/04/2024 06:55

I’m a vegetarian and if this happened to me the next time I’d just take my own dinner.

neighboursmustliveon · 03/04/2024 07:05

Op, you need to stand up for yourself and so does your DH! I’ve been vegetarian for over 30 years. My in laws struggled at first being a very traditional meat and two veg family but they got it! I had Sunday dinner at their house often and mil always accommodated me fine and it took very little effort! Yorkies don’t need to be made with animal fat, they never did so no change. They did stop cooking potatoes with the meat - one small change and they bought me a tub of vegetarian gravy granules and used to make me my own little jug of gravy. Everything else was just plain veg.

The only issue I would have occasionally is fil using the same utensils to flip burgers or similar but I know how hard they both tried so didn’t say anything, DH ALWAYS did though.

I’m so pleased I don’t know some of the ignorant people on this thread who don’t feel anyone should accommodate for food preferences of their guests!

OP, either stop eating there or take your own meal. They are incredibly rude and are doing it deliberately.

Princessfluffy · 03/04/2024 07:41

When you next arrange to go and see them tell them you don't eat meat and are they ok to cater for you or should you bring your own food.

Ohgollymolly · 03/04/2024 08:21

How obnoxious of them!

My in laws were the same, they made pizza once and decided to put meat on half of it. Then when it was served I could smell the meat and the half with just cheese has already been eaten.

I’ve also had MIL wave a steak at me and show me her teeth and she said that we’ve got teeth to eat meat with.

It came to the point I’d take my own food and even that offended them.

Thankfully they now don’t speak to me (as I’m the problem 🙄). So much better.

Weonlyhavealoanofit · 03/04/2024 08:43

If you are looking for a solution [and perhaps you are just looking to express your frustration at their lack of good manners…which is perfectly understandable] you have 2 options: you decline all invitations which involve food or you take your own food. The latter option allows you to eat with the family and doesnt involve any real additional prep by your in laws. If they are ‘sensitive’ people, they should be delighted that you have taken the initiative and now everyone can feel much more comfortable at meal times. If they are less than delighted, you are doing the right thing by standing up to their very rude and unpleasant behaviour. Good luck.

sueelleker · 03/04/2024 08:51

Saschka · 03/04/2024 00:19

Oh look, OP’s MIL has found the thread. Allergy sufferers are unpatriotic are they? That’s a new one.

Show quote history

Hear, hear! And during the last war, people were semi-vegetarian anyway, as meat was hard to get; and severely rationed. "Dig for victory" anyone?.

Calliopespa · 03/04/2024 08:58

Personally I am happy to respect a person’s choice of being vegetarian and I don’t find vegetarian food difficult to prepare ( vegan, if I’m honest, starts to feel restrictive if cooking for more than the vegan guest). At the very least, a couple of filling vegetarian sides are simple to include. We tend to eat quite a few meat free meals anyway.

HOWEVER what always strikes me in these conversations is the respect seems to have to cut one way. As many have observed, older generations didn’t have much time for this and I’m not sure the derogatory comments about that position are any less bad. We are all a product of our own eras. If we want older generations to accept we can feel justified about excluding foods, I think it’s also important to have the flexibility to realise other generations have been influenced by other factors, (especially via their parents) on the impact of rationing and meat being a luxury item. My grandparents would talk about “ a beautiful leg of lamb” and were hurt and baffled when a guest once turned it down .

Respect involves flexibility of attitudes not just in one direction ( aka the direction you agree with). There are too many comments on here labelling people as passive aggressive etc, or thick because they have eaten gelatine without concern as to its precise origin. Knowing facts doesn’t make you intelligent: it’s an ability to extrapolate logic, connect conceptual patterns and to reason that betokens intelligence. And it’s refraining from ridiculing other people for their attitudes and beliefs that are more often than not a product of their era and background that is the marker of respect.