In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

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Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

This is daft!
you don’t say anything encase you hurt her feelings?? You’ve been a vegetarian the whole time you’ve known them and they clearly don’t give a hoot about your feelings!
Take your own food and stop worrying about their feelings…. When they ask why politely state that you’re a vegetarian and don’t want to inconvenience them!’
just continue doing it… they’ll either be more respectful or they’ll just except you bringing your own and stop commenting on it!

It sounds like they’re doing it on purpose in which case it’s extremely rude and passive aggressive - which would make sense as you say they are emotionally controlling. Perhaps they have that weird old-fashioned view that there’s something wrong with being a vegetarian and this some kind of passive-aggressive way of trying to make you realise that you’re wrong and they’re right. Do they ever come to you for dinner and if so what do you give them? I’d make it a plate of bean sprouts next time!

Honestly give me strength. Being vegetarian or vegan is, for the vast majority of people who choose to be so, a philosophical choice because they care about animal welfare.

I'm not vegetarian but I don't eat a number of animal products for animal welfare reasons. I don't eat pork for example. If someone served me roast pork I would eat the vegetables and potatoes. I couldn't force it down as, for no other reason, I really dislike the taste. At a Hogmanay dinner last year roast pork was on offer. The cook didn't know I didn't eat it but because he's not a complete dick (a) he'd prepared a selection of dishes and (b) he wasn't in the least bit bothered as I ate his lovely, non meat dishes.

It's really, really, really not difficult to cook a meal which doesn't contain meat.

MarvellousMonsters · Today 23:02
LiterallyOnFire · Yesterday 08:22

SIL refuses to recognise my coeliac disease. I just skip trips to see her. Life's too short for nonsense.
This is different though, being vegetarian is a choice, being coeliac isn't.

@MarvellousMonsters - I fail to see your ‘point’ here .. the clue is in the word ‘Choice’ and it’s OPs CHOICE not to eat meat .. so why can’t her in laws RESPECT her choice? We don’t get to dictate what we cook and make for others .. you wouldn’t cook a big pork roast for a Muslim would you? It’s nothing to do with being or not being a ‘coeliac’!

Millions of people worldwide are now vegetarians or vegans and it’s not like it was in 1972 .. there isles of vegetarian/vegan/ plant based foods in every single food store! And not even expensive or hard to cook! There’s ZERO excuses not to accommodate a vegetarian in 2024! It’s just laziness ‘at best’ and disrespect and rude and ill mannered at ‘worst’.

• apologies for bad grammar/typos .. sleep deprived and lost my new glasses 🤓

“don’t worry I will feel myself” !!!???? How is touching herself up at the dinner table going to help? 🤣🤣🤣

And not even expensive or hard to cook!

There's gazillions of rice and pasta dishes which are far cheaper and easier to cook than a roast dinner.

It’s worrying that you can’t see the difference between a vegetarian who morally objects to cooking meat not cooking it for omnivores and a non-vegetarian deliberately choosing to serve food with meat in it. Additionally, given that you, as an adult, didn’t know what gelatine was, I think you’ve been badly let down by the education system.

Either that or you’re just plain old belligerent.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · Today 23:16
MarvellousMonsters · Today 23:02

This is different though, being vegetarian is a choice, being coeliac isn't.
Show quote history
Honestly give me strength. Being vegetarian or vegan is, for the vast majority of people who choose to be so, a philosophical choice because they care about animal welfare.

I'm not vegetarian but I don't eat a number of animal products for animal welfare reasons. I don't eat pork for example. If someone served me roast pork I would eat the vegetables and potatoes. I couldn't force it down as, for no other reason, I really dislike the taste. At a Hogmanay dinner last year roast pork was on offer. The cook didn't know I didn't eat it but because he's not a complete dick (a) he'd prepared a selection of dishes and (b) he wasn't in the least bit bothered as I ate his lovely, non meat dishes.

It's really, really, really not difficult to cook a meal which doesn't contain meat.

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle thank goodness there’s someone talking SENSE! I thought I was starting to go mad 😀

To be fair, there are others, RampantIvy for example. There seems to an obligate carnivore faction on the board this evening.

@CocoBellaSparkle i think its different with muslim because its religions, its faith. Same thing if OP is alergic with something. Its different. Like i said before many of the old generations dint understand about being vegetarian or vegan. I think rather than stop coming and making situation awkward. I will speak to them and try to understand the situation or ask DH to speak to them. I love having big family and i like to think my in laws as my own family.

It is a choice yes….. but last time I checked we are entitled to make choices about goes into OUR bodies and that should be respected!….. I’m not a vegetarian but when my DD at 7 announced she no longer wanted to eat pig, I facilitated it… no attempt to ‘trick’ her…. Bought her veggie options to try and changed to chicken or Turkey sausages and mince….
It is OP’s choice not to eat meat products… but it’s also the inlaws choice to be disrespectful tw@ts!
My SIL is vegetarian and she has a different plate to everyone else at my parents so mum knows not to put meat
or gravy on hers…. She then has her own little gravy jug made up with vegetable gravy in… it REALLY isn’t hard!

OP needs to stand up for herself and her husband also does too…. He needs to tell his parents that HE is cross they disrespect his wife’s choice !

It’s pretty obvious she meant FEED. 🙄

@FeetLikeFlippers you must be really quite pissed to be that amused by an obvious typo made about 40 hours ago. Precisely what does making fun of such a tiny error add to the conversation?

Eee God! Never heard vegetarianism referred to as "special needs" before! All these years I could have been claiming disability allowances and I never knew it! 🙄😳

It’s not different at all. Religion is a belief… vegetarianism is a belief!…. A moral belief not to eat another mammals flesh!
I’m not a vegetarian and I understand it… you have to be a little daft to think someone should just put up with this disrespect !

Femme2804 · Today 23:25
@CocoBellaSparkle i think its different with muslim because its religions, its faith. Same thing if OP is alergic with something. Its different. Like i said before many of the old generations dint understand about being vegetarian or vegan. I think rather than stop coming and making situation awkward. I will speak to them and try to understand the situation or ask DH to speak to them. I love having big family and i like to think my in laws as my own family.

@Femme2804 - genuine question. Why should someone’s ‘belief’ of religion take greater importance over someone’s lifestyle choices and morals and beliefs in not eating animals that are killed for food?

Typical ‘old person’ ignorance!
my way or the Highway!

my friends a vegan and I made an curry, one with chicken for myself and a vegan one in a separate pan for her…. I don’t know why people pretend it’s so hard to cater for other people.
my DD used to take sweets into school on her birthday… I used to message the parents with the child with an egg allergy and also the parents of the coeliac child in her class and make sure they were catered for …. It took seconds and made those kids day to be allowed the treat being dished out. Don’t understand why some people are so horrible & ignorant.
God help a child being born to them or a grandchild developing any allergies or auto immune diseases!!…. ‘Sorry only the grandchildren without special dietary needs welcome in grandmas house!!’ 🤬

It doesn’t…. OP isn’t stopping them eating meat… just wants her choice respected and to be served non meat alternatives…. Or actually just to be allowed to bring her own food without being guilt tripped.

@CocoBellaSparkle sorry read your comment wrong. Agree with you.
mits all about adults respecting each other.
what someone puts in their body is their choice. Be that meat, or whatever.

@T1- I know this .. you’re saying what I’m trying to get across - maybe you’re mistaking me for another post /cross posting (?)

Ah just read your latest. Please ignore my comment! 💝

@CocoBellaSparkle @T1Dmama No one understand me isnt 😅😅. I do understand and i think belief in vegetarian or vegan its very important. But its not me who we talk about isnt. I just think in the in laws perspective. Maybe just MAYBE they dont understand what being vegan and vegetarian means. Its really not the answer to not coming. Its just gonna escalate quickly and can end up in not communicating at all. I’m from another part of europe and really values family including extended family. I dont understand lots of thread in here think its so easy to cut ties with in laws.

would you (and others on this thread) give this advice to a Muslim who goes around their in laws and their in laws serves them roast pork? Or bacon butties? I can bet my bottom dollar NO ONE would say ‘oh just have it as a one off

This thread would suggest otherwise… there’s even somebody on here saying she wouldn’t cater for anyone with an allergy

And the battle can continue.

I'm an Oxford grad, so always happy to debate.

Why is a Vegetarian who is so principled, not coming across as a pain-in-the-ass to mere mortals who have to plan, prepare and cook a meal for a big influx of family guests?

Did the vegetarian not realise in terms of evolution, their brains only grew by hunting other meat food groups? The intelligence needed for hunting is the sole reason you're not on the level of a rabbit or a cow. And they are intelligent - enough - for their level.

Darwin? Survival of the fittest? If humans as vegetarians ruled the world since year dot, humans would not be humans. Suck that up in your non-meat supremacy.

But we're talking about a rarefied group of humans, called vegetarians, mostly who have the luxury to choose and decide what will pass their rarified lips.

How far would you take it? World War III - and world in flames - still going to be a vegetarian?

The problem we all have with "special eaters" is that they don't eat for nutrients.

There are three groups of "special eaters" - and two of them are potential/somewhat/occasional ego-maniacs or narcissists or deluded or idealists.

They have no concept of human evolvement. They want to re-write human as non-animal, but idealistic. The middle ages were great on that.

Your "choose what you eat" - specifically vegetarians and vegans. Most of them can't explain why we're mostly omnivores. Or how we evolved? Or will evolve?

The religious folk. Apparently, if you get a food group wrong, they're insulted and violence is not excluded.

And the allergy group - you know the really scary ones. If the wrong food touches their lips, they die.

Any guesses, any time soon, why "special needs" eaters are a pain in the ass?

We don't want to deal with all your complexities. We just want to be British, family-orientated and serve up a group meal.

The whole social point of a meal - we all eat, we're all happiest eating and satiating needs and desires, and we're all socialising.

Except those that can't just join in the eating and socialising. The one's on their soap boxes against those who were just eating and socialising.

And those who have particular "special needs" for eating - just bring your own food and join in.