In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

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Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable . It’s not hard to not include meat . It is your choice to be a vegetarian and you have a right to that , if they have offered to cook for you then it should be food you can eat . It’s completely different to being fussy! If , for eg , you lived with them and they wouldn’t cook vegetarian food I would say well maybe you should cook your own but if they’re inviting you around for food they should accommodate your preference .

Wow! Being a host is an honour. And I always ask guests for likes, dislikes, allergies or intolerances. Don't have guests ever if this is how you feel.

In other words, be a total doormat and virtually beg for acceptance from her husband’s family, wittering “I don’t want to be a nuisance” in a mousy little voice. Sod that.

Of course OP wouldn’t cook “big juicy steaks” for her in-laws - very few vegetarians are comfortable with cooking meat. But that doesn’t mean she’d deliberately give them something they can’t eat. And given their son does eat meat, there’s absolutely nothing to stop HIM cooking it for them when they visit.

But she’s not asking for a special meal - just something she can eat. A special meal would be one of her own choosing. It’s basic hosting to make sure your guests can actually eat what you’re serving. It doesn’t have to be their favourite meal or first choice, but why would you even bother to invite people around if you’re resentful of the very fact that you will have to cook something, or that they might want to actually enjoy their meal?

Maybe you genuinely “wouldn’t dreeeeeam” of expecting someone to cater for your dietary choices. I tend to find that people who think like this have simply never been put in that position. Are you really trying to tell us that, if you hated pork (for example), you wouldn’t feel just a little bit put out that your husband’s parents insisted on serving roast pork every time you visited?

Haven’t rtft but this is something for DH to sort and make clear with his parents, to avoid putting you on an awkward position. ‘OP can’t have that, she’s vegetarian, remember! What can she have?’

Do you specifically say you can't eat that as your a vegetarian everytime or do you just say no thanks to meat. If they dish up for you say does anyone want this as I can't eat it as it contains meat don't just stay silent and leave it on your plate. If their oblivious then you need to speak up if their doing it to be horrible then don't go round there

They need to be told - it’s happened for long enough. Leave everything on your plate that you can’t eat - even if it’s absolutely loads. Tell them that much as you appreciate them hosting and cooking, you’ll have to pass on having meals at theirs now as you can’t eat a lot of it and are going hungry. Offer to bring a prepared meal to heat up. If after that they still don’t try to make a meal everyone including you can eat, bring out the prepared meals…

Haven't RTFT but could you eat beforehand and then claim a tummy upset so can't eat lunch. Just drink loads of wine and smile ( in the interests of "avoiding drama" that's my new mantra) not because you should have to.
Maybe next time you could have a terrible headache and not be able to go at all. Would be a shame.
TBH, I'm a pretty good cook but I've stuffed up veggie food ( chicken stock in the pumpkin soup etc)

Are they a bit thick, or ignorant to what a vegetarian diet is.
I’m long time veggie and I’ve been asked if ‘chicken counts’ , how about ‘beef gravy’ after all it’s just gravy.
I think some people think it just means you just don’t eat steak and bacon butties.
I’d spell it out, or just start taking my own food.

Just bring your own food if you don’t like theirs?

Then you know some strange 'vegetarians'. In fact they'd be omnivores.

@ChedderGorgeous the people that heat meat are not vegetarian

Being a vegetarian isn’t a ‘faddy diet’ or something ‘trendy’ it’s not even a diet - it’s a LIFESTYLE choice .. it’s choosing not to eat sentient beings that had a bolt through their heads and then hung upside down and had their throats slit or 99% of pigs in U.K. alone are gassed to death which is VERY painful ..

Unless your in-laws are suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia (then we should be more forgiving of course) but they sound like they really don’t respect you

Its not hard to put together some veggies, yorkies and roasties together with some cheap and cheerful onion gravy oxo granules ..

How about explaining how important it is to your MIL that being vegetarian is to you?

How about saying ‘hey mil/fil .. I really don’t mind bringing some of my own foods .. being a linda mcartney gravy ‘meat free’ pie 🥧 or even get your H to ask them if (even just a one off) you bring (either home made ..) or a Marks and Spencer’s vegetarian Wellington or a vegetarian Nut roast from a food store like ‘Cook’ .. some red pickled cabbage .. some m and s veggie gravy , a medley of green veggies, asparagus, bread sauce , home made big fluffy vegan Yorkshire puddings , colcannon mashed potatoes, roasties with olive oil and sea salt and m and s vegetarian ‘pigs in blankets’ .. say you’ll cook, prepare, buy everything.. nothing to lose in asking them all and I bet they’ll be pleasantly surprised at how delicious it is!

If they say no (and if they’re anything like how my in laws were) they’ll probably turn their noses up at the idea but if they can’t even make the effort to ‘meet you half way’ then please don’t go back again! Life is too short to have people disrespecting you

I don't think the OP is going to come back TBH.

My own parents will invite me for dinner and cook lamb. I’ve not eaten lamb for 30 years and they STILL don’t get why I’ll only eat the steamed veg with no gravy

Argh! And the hunger after labour is another level.

I’m really not sure why they act so bloody stupid sometimes. My parents forget my husband is a devout Muslim who doesn’t drink or eat pork… 🙈

Vegetarianism is whatever the person wants it to to be and for whatever reason. It's not for others to push their own reasons for not eating meat onto others. I know a few people who are broadly vegan. Do they lapse sometimes ? Yes. Are they still vegan ? Yes.

And there we have it - "special needs" eaters are "too uncomfortable" to cater for other people. But they expect the world to swivel on their special needs.
Normal eaters also get uncomfortable catering to special needs eaters - because who knew gelatine in harmless jelly was an issue? Obviously your special needs eater, always! Who also wishes always to educate people on how "special" their chosen diet is.
And apparently, "special eaters" can't just work out what they can eat from a family meal. They need special treatment and special foods.
Special eaters are a pain in the backside for anyone planning a big family get-together, because they also have "extra rules" and feel "special" educating you.
I won't feed anyone who has an allergy - because I won't take responsibility for accidentally killing someone.
But if you are "special" when it comes to eating in a family group - just bring your own food, instead of inflicting your "special diet" on everyone else.

This is very true. We know several vegetarians. They would never eat just a little bit of chicken or a tiny bit of bacon. Or fish. Or beef. Just nope.

What an ignorant post.
Anyone who doesn't know that gelatine is derived from animals is remarkably thick.

You sound judgemental, bigoted and uneducated.

Ever heard of Google?

I am an omnivore BTW, but at least I'm not stupid.

OP your in-laws are dicks. I'm a vegetarian and have navigated exactly this issue in all the ways outlined by pp with my own PIL. I've come to the conclusion, that is not my job (or my dh's) to change them. They continue to be the same combination of ignorant ("wafer thin ham") and disrespectful ("for gods sake, it's just a bit of chicken"). I have cooked meat for them on numerous occasions (turkey at Christmas for example), and they continue to cook the vegetables in the sausage juices, or put bacon in the sprouts. I've tried everything. I've brought my own M&S veggie options to have alongside whatever meaty thing they insist on. I've ordered delivery food after dinner. I've made myself a cheese sandwich instead. I've paid for us all to go out to eat instead. I've declined to join them. And I've reminded them before, during and after meals that I don't eat meat. I can't change them. I can only change how I deal with their rude behaviour. I choose to treat myself to my favourite snacks when I'm still peckish at theirs. I choose to indulge in extra dessert (even they find it hard to sneak meat into rhubarb crumble with custard). I choose to not care about the fussy/picky/weird narrative they tell themselves and their friends about me. It's only every couple of months for the sake of the grandkids. They won't be around forever. Choose your own adventure OP.

Ignore people who said dont come to your in laws anymore. Its your in laws its better to have good relationships at least do it for your DH.

but i agree your in law its a bit rude. If i were in your position i will ask my DH to speak with his parents and said what they do to you its a bit rude by not serving vegetarian food. Sometimes older generations thinks that vegetarian or vegan its just facade. They dont really understand and think if you eat meat a little bit its alright. Maybe your in law like this.

Hear, hear ; there's dumb and dumber and then off the scale.

Femme2804 · Today 22:44
Ignore people who said dont come to your in laws anymore. Its your in laws its better to have good relationships at least do it for your DH.

but i agree your in law its a bit rude. If i were in your position i will ask my DH to speak with his parents and said what they do to you its a bit rude by not serving vegetarian food. Sometimes older generations thinks that vegetarian or vegan its just facade. They dont really understand and think if you eat meat a little bit its alright. Maybe your in law like this.

@Femme2804 I (respectfully) completely disagree with your post .. why should she go just because they’re her in laws? Or do it ‘for your DH at the very least’? Why? They’re hardly respecting her are they? Nowadays you can get a pack of meat free pies for a few pounds and the in-laws can shove these in their freezer and cook them from frozen for them the visits .. some oxo onion gravy granules you can buy for a quid and shove in the cupboard .. or even a margarita or veggie supreme pizza .. can get for a couple of pounds to put in the freezer .. it’s really not very expensive or difficult to do! But they CHOOSE to ignore and they CHOOSE to disrespect her lifestyle choices

would you (and others on this thread) give this advice to a Muslim who goes around their in laws and their in laws serves them roast pork? Or bacon butties? I can bet my bottom dollar NO ONE would say ‘oh just have it as a one off ! It’s only six times a year you’ll be eating pork!’

This is different though, being vegetarian is a choice, being coeliac isn't.